


Reflections Of Time

by TenToosGirl



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 83,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenToosGirl/pseuds/TenToosGirl
Summary: What happens to TenToo when Rose chooses The Doctor instead of the Metacrisis on Bad Wolf Bay? Will a chance encounter in his ninth body set Tentoo up for his future? How is his life going to be as a part human part time lord now. Follow along on an adventure through time.
Relationships: Martha Jones/Mickey Smith, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Original Character(s), Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this last year and then life happened. I took it down and reworked it. If you are reading this please let me know :)

Chapter One

“You’ll never begin to heal and move on with your life until you process what happened to you” Lilly said mockingly. “Oh yeah and who the hell would believe me huh? Everyone thinks he’s just the greatest thing. He’s the ambassador for the Commonwealth. He’s provided jobs, he’s got the governor on speed dial. The bloody Queen of England knows him by first name! Oh yeah people would really believe me.” Lilly was upset after another useless therapy session. “Why do I even still go to these? They are such a waste of time and money. It's the same thing ‘talk about it Liliana talk about what’s bothering you. How can I talk about it when you look at me and think I'm some spoiled rich kid? Nine psychiatrists down how many more to go?” she sighed as she folded her favorite royal blue shirt. “Would you believe me Skeeter?” Lilly looked at her faithful friend. His yellow green eyes blended in with his orange fur. He looked up at her and offered a small meow. Lilly smiled and scratched his head right behind his ear, his favorite spot. “Besides I have you Mr. Mosers and Ginger. You two are all I need right baby boy?”

“Meow” she smiled at him and fell on the bed next to him cuddling him and listening to him purr.

When her cuddle session was over there was still laundry that needed to be folded and a bed that she had to fight to get made. “Skeeter come on! Get out from under the sheet!” he pounced around like a 12 year old kitten. She was getting aggravated at him but then started laughing at an old memory as “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles came on. “Oh Mosers, did I ever tell you about the man I met named John Smith?” She smiled at the memory of the British man with the ice blue eyes and goofy smile. Skeeter, having heard this story in his past 7 lives already, left. He didn’t want to spend his 8th and 9th life hearing about mystery man. In his place came Lilly’s other cat Ginger. She was a calico and if Lilly said anything Ginger was going to be there. Ginger loved Lilly more than anything. She was even fond of jumping in the shower with Lilly. She was a strange cat but absolutely one of the best ones ever. “Oh Ginge,” Lilly smiled “I wonder if Jack could look him up for me? Nah it would be too much trouble and he’s got Cardiff to worry about. I mean I’m sure there’s a zillion John Smiths in the British Isles. But he did say he was a doctor. Nah besides Schmitty wouldn’t remember me anyway. I was just some crazy girl he ran into.” She sighed and started feeling down again. As she always did, Ginger rubbed up against Lilly and started purring. It was Ginger’s turn to make sure her sissy was happy. “I was his Raindrop” she laughed. She turned over on her side and closed her eyes. “I hope you’re well Schmitty I hope you are well” she said before she dozed off.

While it had only been a couple of years since Lilly saw her beloved Schmitty, what she didn’t know was to him it was a lifetime ago. In Lilly’s timeline it was now October 21, 1989, two years to the day that he saved her life. She swore she’d never forget him and each time she put on that old leather jacket she could swear she smelled something peculiar. It was unique and definitely reminded her of John, her blue-eyed angel. 

After going through yet another therapist, number 10, Lilly had decided with the help of Skeeter and Ginger, her favorite therapists, that she was going to tell someone what happened to her. It didn’t matter that they’d never read it nor hear about it but Dr. Punch was right. She needed to process everything if she was going to heal. “One gin and tonic and one whiskey sour please” she sat down at the bar of what is now known as the Starlight Bar & Grill but two years ago it was just Astrid’s. The same drinks they had while they were there before. 

While the bartender served her drinks, she sat one on the napkin at the place next to her and sat one in front of her. She kept telling herself she was pathetic and she knew she was but she hoped beyond hope that lightening would strike twice. She just wanted to see him again. He was the only person that made her feel worth anything. It was just one night and all they did was talk and eat banana nut muffins but she cherished that time more than anything. Yes, she had Jack, Jake, and Lucas as her friends but something about this mysterious Dr. John Smith professor of Astronomy made her see life differently. She never told anyone about him. She sat there for a few minutes then pulled out her book on astrophysics. That’s how it all started for her and Schmitty.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now we start with the Doctors

Chapter Two

James dashed around The Tardis pulling levers and pushing buttons. He’s working in tandem with The Doctor although it’s a tense tandem. They had just dealt with the Cybermen again and neither one can remember if it’s the 145th or 146th time. “No remember that time on the planet Zeniabrieu? We fought the Cybermen there. That makes 146.”

“No that was the Zygons” James chimed in “so we’re still at 145.” Rose just sat on the captain’s seat and rolled her eyes. They would never come to an agreement on who was right. It didn’t matter if it was 145 or 146, they would still keep it up until they fought the Cybermen again and the argument would be 146 or 147.

She watched James, who has become accustomed to wearing the blue suit with a tee-shirt and no tie pull a lever and push a green button. The Doctor who James called John, partly in spite and partly to keep the two of them from being confused, continued to wear his stately uniform the brown pinstripe suit. 

Rose was remembering breaking up a massive argument over the Janis Joplin coat to which John, the full Time Lord, got some very deep and personal digs in. James the part human part Time Lord didn’t let it slide and made some of his own deep cuts. It started because Rose was surprised because even though they were arguing in Gallifreyan, the Tardis was translating it for her. The Tardis never translated Gallifreyan for her before. She tried to yell at them to get them to stop fighting but then the fists started. It broke her heart because she never expected to see The Doctor, her Doctor, throw a punch. It was so out of his character. She expected someone like James to throw the first punh. All three of them were surprised but that didn't stop it from escalating and like a crazy fool she got into the middle of it and they discovered her secret. 

John accidentally hit Rose in the nose. She fell back and hit her head on the console. They both rushed to her and John wiped the gashing wound full of blood off her head. While they both were upset, she got hurt they realized Rose Tyler wasn’t that 19-year-old shop girl any more. When John, the full Time Lord, went to the infirmary to get the dermal regenerator, James watched as Rose wiped her head and the wound healed itself. “WHAT?” he said puzzled. “WHAT?” he kept up a few more times as he always did when he wasn’t certain of something. “That’s... that’s...that’s impossible. You... you... you just healed yourself.”

“Sorry I never meant for you to find out” Rose said softly.

“Find out what” The Doctor, John, came back in with the machine. He looked at Rose and had the same reaction. "What?” he squat down in front of her and put his glasses on. He was examining her through and through. “Rose what didn’t you want me to find out?” He asked firmly. Rose looked at James and then at John who she still called Doctor. “I’m not human anymore.”

“WHAT?” they both said in unison and looked at each other.

“We found out when I was in Pete’s World. I would heal very easy and never have scars. Bad Wolf altered my biology.”  
“But I took that out of you” John looked at her.

“I know but my DNA has changed. It’s not human and it’s not like anything we’ve ever seen before on Pete’s World.” She looked at James . That’s when he knew why she decided to stay. “That’s why you chose him isn't it?” Rose looked at him and nodded.

“You would have outlived me and everyone you love” James said softly.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s OK love I understand.” James smiled at her. His single heart was still very much broken but he understood better than anyone. He was happy for his other self. He would get the one thing he wanted in the world. Rose Tyler with him forever.

James walked away from them and went to his room. “Not now” he said softly to his Donna side. That’s what he called his emotional side. He laid on his bed. His other self was excited and happy, probably the happiest he’s been since everybody lives. Unfortunately, James knew his time on the Tardis was coming to an end. He could feel the timelines shift. He was going to fight it with everything he had. This was his home more than anyone. He deserved to be here just as much. He was still his tenth self after all “wellll maybe 10.2 I guess or ten too I like that ten too” he said to himself. The Tardis hummed she agreed with that sentiment.

Right now, though he really missed Donna. She was who he would talk to when things got a bit much. She'd always set him straight with her jabs. When he first came around and knew that Rose was going to stay with his other self, he was OK at first because he knew there was Donna. At the time she was fine but once they got back in the Tardis after saying goodbye to Jackie, she started showing signs of trouble. The three of them knew what was going on. There is no way a human could carry a Time Lord consciousness in her body. James offered to do it but John just looked at him. It was his fault after all. He wanted to keep Rose from being disappointed because he’d change again so he threw the regeneration energy into the hand that became James. Now he had to pay the piper. That left James, John and Rose on the Tardis. For once in his 9 centuries the Tardis felt like it was closing in on him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

As Lilly sat there reading over various theories on black holes and various nebula, drunk men were hitting on her. She ignored them in favor of reading about her favorite constellation Orion. She smiled as she read about Alnitak, Alnilam, and Mintaka Orion’s three bright stars. How many nights did she drag Lucas out and make up stories about how Venus was the love interest of Mars and Mercury? 

As expected, her drink went untouched as well as the other drink she ordered. She sat there for the allotted one hour she gave him and like she expected he didn’t show up. Next door to the bar was Vicky’s Diner. It hadn’t changed in two years and she immediately went to ‘their’ booth. She knew it was silly to come out all this way but just as her own little personal thank you to her dear friend wherever in the cosmos he may be she had to honor the man that literally saved her life.

As she sat in Vicky’s Diner, Lilly pulled out her five-subject notebook. She signed and dated the start date. Liliana Patrick, October 21, 1989, Vicky’s Diner Los Angeles, California.11:29 pm. She turned to the first page and drew a blank. Luckily the waitress interrupted her writer’s block. Lilly looked up at Sally. She smiled this was the same waitress she had two years ago. “I’ll have a regular Coke no ice, a banana, and some banana nut muffins please.” Sally took down her order and Lilly picked up her pen. “Dear Dr. John Smith, I know you’ll never read this. I know you are long gone and I’ll never see you again but I just had to come here out of the pure chance that lightening might strike twice” she began and by the time Sally came back with her order she was already through explaining why she was 3000 miles away from home.

“When you said that’s some heavy reading in a place like this” Lilly wrote now on her third page, “I thought God what a horrible pickup line. What you didn’t know was that I was reading it to get the thoughts out of my head. Just do it Lilly. No one will care. Who would notice? Lucas might but he’s too busy he wouldn’t have time to care. Matthew would be more than happy to be rid of you. Melinda never even acknowledges you. You are just their own little mistake. You know they wanted a boy yet what they got was you. Gigi tolerates you and Bitter Pills? Ha! They’re going nowhere. Face it Lilly you are nothing. You are just taking space up on this Earth that could be given to someone a hell of a lot better than you. Do it Liliana do it! Rid the world of your talent-less, filthy self. That’s what was going on in my head. I literally had a bottle of Quaalude in my pocket. I had begun mixing them into my drink. I had crushed about 15 already when you had come up. I was purposely trying to ignore you but somehow you annoyed me enough to get a response. You wouldn’t stop talking! Thank you so much for talking till I responded. I was honestly scared. It felt like I had two devils on my shoulders. One very vehemently pushing for me to do it the other wasn’t so insistent. What I really needed was an angel to tell me I would be ok. I had no idea angels had blue eyes, big ears, a great smile and wore a leather coat. My insides were shaking but the more you talked to me the calmer I got. I don’t know if it was your British accent or the timber of your voice, but it soothed me. I remember the look on your face when I asked if you were from Northern England. Again, not many American teenagers would be able to tell a Northern English accent from a London accent. Then again you found out I’m not your normal teenage girl. Then Drama Dave had to come over and do his thing. The look on his face when you stood up to him for me was priceless. For the first time in my life I felt safe with someone at that point I knew I could trust you.”

Lilly smiled at the memory. She took a drink of her Coke and a bite of her banana. A big smile crossed her face as she pictured him sitting next to her laughing at this dream, he was telling her about. “Barcelona! I remember laughing till I was crying at your description of these dogs with no noses. I’ve thought about getting a shih tzu. They have smashed in noses and that is as close to no nose as you can get on Earth. I’d name her Starr. I remember our discussion, man I’m already on page 15! Sorry distracted oh Orion you indulged me as I told you about stories I made up. Your bright smile and every time I said something you chimed in with your catchphrase fantastic. Everything was fantastic. I went home saying that as well. By the way these banana nut muffins are … fantastic! Allonsy! Sorry that’s French for let's go. Apparently, Vicky’s diner closes now bummer,

Wish you were here,

Angel Rayne. 

October 27, 1989

Hey Doc,

So today has been a really rough day. I’ve been reading the letter you left me with this coat a lot. To be honest the coat, the letter, and well my cats Skeeter Mo Deeter and Ginger Anne, are my most prized possessions. If I lost any of these things, I’d be devasted. I’ve been putting it off but the nightmares are returning so I think it’s time to start. Just bear with me. The first memory I have is someone coming into my room. Somehow my two-year-old self made him come into my room and…

November 6, 1989

Hey John ,

No witty shenanigans today. I’ve been blabbering about what’s been going on in my day to day life. By the way absolutely aced the stats class. I’ve actually gotten most of my gen ed classes out of the way. After Christmas break, I start the real bulk of my classes. I’m forced to go to med school or else Matthew will make my life an even bigger hell. He’s still holding Lucas over my head. He knows if I don’t do as he says that he’ll hurt Lucas. I can’t do that to him. Lucas and I are 9 months to the day apart in age. We have literally been best friend since I was in Melinda’s body. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect Lucas. So, if you ever see me again, I’ll be Dr. Liliana Patrick. I can’t believe I’m almost through this notebook. It has helped a little. I just hope you are ok. Love always Raindrop.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The Doctor, John, has been trying to take Rose to New Earth for the last week. Every time he lands and thinks its correct they run into another issue. First it was the gang of Ercen that wanted their air to be breathable again. They had a great point but it was easy to settle. Then there were the Durze. They had run out of food and wanted a way to establish agriculture. They were a primitive species. They were very much like the first humans The Doctor encountered when he showed them how to make fire way back in the caveman days. He was proud of them because they came so far since then. It was another Cybermen invasion, 147 he’d swear to it. By now he was just trying to find a day to take Rose to New Earth for some relaxation. He'd always remember the smell of apple grass and laying on his coat watching the city of New, New York before dealing with Cassandra, meeting the Face Of Boe, who he still can’t believe is Jack, and dealing with Novice Hame. Now as he tried to land again, they landed on a planet called Paradise. He knew what was happening. He knew who was behind the miss landings. He knew who he was going to have to have a talk to. Himself, well his other self. Blimey it’s confusing having a metacrisis around.

“Doctor John Noble” The Doctor reluctantly spat out as he introduced himself to the red and white Barzunian on the planet Paradise. He shot James an evil sideways glance but put on a charming smile. His and Rose’s holiday would have to wait…AGAIN. “I’m Doctor James Noble and this is Rose Tyler. We’re here because we got a distress call.” No we’re here because you are jealous and don’t want Rose and I to have a peaceful holiday. He said into his ‘twin’s’ head. “Yes all of our peppermint has been burnt up and the Festival Of Passion is coming up. If we don’t have our peppermint then the festival won’t be able to go on and we won’t be able to have our flock due in the Splash Season.” Mating season serves you right. John sent James another message. This time he was laughing in his head. James cursed him in Gallifreyan and John sent him an image of disapproval.

The Tardis trio looked at this alien who was red on one side of his face and white on the other. He was bipedal but had four arms two of each color. “Yes, yes we’ll be more than happy to help won’t we James ” John sneered at his twin. John was taking a mild amusement out of this in James head until the Barzunian smelled Rose’s peppermint gum. His name is Cupid. Maybe he‘ll shoot you in the heart and you can find someone of your own. James gave him an evil cold stare. That doesn’t work on me. However, while John and James were having their inner spats, Cupid grabbed Rose and declared she would be his prisoner until such a time as the peppermint could be produced. While the planet was named Paradise, both James and John knew that being a prisoner on this planet was a lot different than being a prisoner on any other planet. Rose would be responsible for part of the season’s flock. That's when the snarky comments stopped and they came together. No one was going to take their Rose and make her their mate. That got both James and John into an uproar. Instinctively John aimed his sonic screwdriver at Cupid. The blue light pointing right at him. “Give her back to me” he said in his most threatening voice. The Oncoming Storm was about to be unleashed. What are you going to do? Build a cabinet around them? James snarked back at his twin’s head. John this time let off a long list of Gallifreyan swear words that would ban him forever if Gallifrey still stood.

Even though normally John was a peaceful man, the events of the past year have changed him a bit. Having Rose back in his life has made him quite territorial especially since James is around. He knew she chose him, the full Time Lord him and the reasoning behind it. However, he was still scared that one day she’d wake up and realize what she chose and would want his other self. He braced himself when he tried to get her to stay with Jackie and James. He had only been back with her for a little while. Now he had been with her the equivalent of six Earth months and he was in no way ready to let her go, even if it was to his other half. He was getting territorial. He would try and hide it with a smile but he didn’t want anyone to do anything with his Rose Marion Tyler. She was his now by her own choice. He would fight to his death to save her.

John was still getting used to this new aspect of their relationship. Yes, he had been married before, multiple times. He had children, grandchildren but nothing like what he felt for Rose. He never was able to tell her he loved her. He tried so many times but he couldn’t get the words to come out of his mouth. Oh, they were easy for James to tell her and he did but John couldn’t say the words. This is why he wanted to go to New Earth. He was going to say it once and for all. Yet James knew it and that’s why he kept sabotaging their trip. He thought James was ok with him and Rose but apparently, he’s still upset that he wound up the loser. James had the option to stay on Pete's world (that was a definite no) or endure seeing them together. Now John, Rose and James are paying for his decision. Isn't that wizard?

As if by brandishing the sonic screwdriver would really work, Cupid, just picked Rose up screaming and kicking to get away. James and John worked together to get the peppermint back but what John didn’t know was that James was starting to feel how peppermint works on this planet. He was so wrapped up in trying to get Rose to safety he wasn’t paying attention to his other self’s vibes. “Rassilon!” he grumbled to himself. While he was still a 906-year-old Time Lord, he now had a male human body with human endocrine system. “Come on we have to get the peppermint to them!” he growled as if John didn’t know that already. “Yeah I’m well aware of that” John snapped back.

To the human population both were very handsome. They had spiky brown hair, brown sideburns and chocolate brown eyes. However, James was giving off a pheromone to all of the females in the area. He noticed them looking at him with their pink eyes like he was Sunday dinner and they were going to have a feast. He even heard one call him pretty. He started blushing and that made things worse for him. Normally being attractive to someone wouldn’t be an issue for James. His ego quite enjoyed it when people would be interested in him but he was not interested in being part of the flock. His inner Donna was shrilling at him. “Get to work you skinny boy in a suit!” that was all it took. He was back into his rescue mode.

The Doctors ran back to The Tardis. “You find some peppermint I’m going to try to find a way to get Rose out of there” John commanded him. He looked at him and snarled. He didn’t like being ordered around like he didn’t know what he was doing. He was still a Time Lord after all. With John out looking for a way to play hero to the damsel in distress, James found some peppermint leaves tucked away in the cupboards in the kitchen. He was able to produce enough to hopefully get the Barzunians off their backs. He took all the peppermint he could get and stuck it in his pockets. He casually walked back over to them. “Hello” he said smiling his charming dashing smile. James found out that the Barzunian he was talking to was Cupid’s sister, Caliegha. James didn’t like the way she was looking at him but he trudged on. “I’m The Doctor,” he was going to say that. It was still his name after all. “I have found some peppermint for you.” He reached in and took the peppermint from out of his pockets. Caliegha was extremely happy. She was giving him the Barzunian equivalent of ‘the eye.’

Cupid came back and James explained to him he had the peppermint. It was enough to last for three seasons. At that time John came back with Rose in hand. Rose was looking extremely uncomfortable. James knew why because he was feeling it as well. Cupid and the rest of the Barzunians were so happy they wanted to hold a festival in their honor. “Thank you we appreciate it but Rose here, she needs to get back home” James smiled and started to walk away. He turned his back to Caliegha only to have four arms reach out and grab him. John was trying to not laugh. James could feel it in his head. There you go Romeo. You have your own girl now. John snickered at his twin. James gave him an evil look and slowly made his way from the grasps of Caliegha’s huge arms. “We must be off” John bid adieu to Cupid and took Rose’s hand. James followed behind and listened to them laugh at what had happened. That’s what you get for trying to ruin our holiday. James growled at him back in his head and cussed him out in a stream of Gallifrey swear words. If there’s one thing The Doctor did know how to do, it was have a fight with himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please review

Chapter Five

For the past six years Lilly has been writing daily to her friend Dr. John Smith who she has affectionately named Schmitty. She is his Raindrop. Although they only met one time he made an indelible mark on her life. She writes to him about what happened to her as a child depending on where last night’s nightmare took her. As of right now she’s 27 years old. It’s been almost 10 years since that night. That’s 10 years she’s had the leather coat he left her. Ten years since a simple letter that literally just says when no one else does I believe in you. Ten years since she’s heard him say fantastic and saw his cheesy smile. She thought he was handsome but being honest with herself she wouldn’t have looked twice. “I’m a rock girl Schmitty. You know that. My band Bitter Pills was playing the night we met. I have a thing for shaggy sexy hair. Jake for example if he wasn’t my best friend I'd be Succumb’s biggest groupie. I'd never in a million years tell him how hot I think he is but I'm a sucker for long shaggy blond hair. I have no idea why I told you that. I guess after 6 years it was time to come clean. I'm off to sleep now. Hopefully, HOPEFULLY I'll be able to sleep but I just have a horrible feeling something is going to happen.”

October 31, 1997.

This place has changed so much in 10 years. The bar scene has died and now it’s a used car place. Some schmaltzy looking clown with curliest of hair but the prettiest blue eyes sold me this canary yellow roadster. Said it was supped up like couldn’t believe. He said he was fond of it and actually named it Bessie. I’ll admit it was a cool car but God bless the salesman. His poor outfit. It had plaid mixed with stripes. That’s not bad enough it literally looked like a rainbow threw up on him. I didn’t have the heart to ask if he was color blind. Whoever let him out of the house that day boy. I’m sorry I’m not one to make fun of people but I’ll never forget that outfit. It was so loud. He was really kind of arrogant but ya know what he grew on me. In the stupidest of ways he reminded me of you. I have no idea why well I do actually. He was British. That was truthfully the only reason why I even listened to his schlemiel and even bought the car.. I could only imagine if you saw him and his outfit. Oh well I just hope that wherever you are today you are happy, healthy and loved. Thanks for being my therapy through 120 notebooks and sadly I haven’t even touched the surface of what happened to me when I was a kid. Oh well stories to come.

Shining bright through the clouds, God that was cheesy, yours truly Raindrop.

December 31, 1999

We’re gonna party like its 1999! Wow I never would have though I’d live to see the dawn of a new century and a new millennium. Jack won’t give me spoilers except for the fact I’ve seen him die (he was my first patient) and come back to life I would have never believed his whole time travel schlemiel. Lucas and Jake don’t know. They just know that both of us work for a government agency for the queen. Honestly I have no idea what I’d ever say or do if I ever met “The Doctor” but I know I’d be extremely fascinated. I’m a scientist it’s in my guts to want to learn. Oh and starting in April of 2000 I’m going to be teaching at the Copper Institute in London. I know it sounds stalker but I swear I’m not. I do wish I knew your real name. Who knows maybe I will run into. Dr. Smith there. I’m teaching astrophysics hope you have a great and swell new year.

Party on John, Party on,

Raindrop


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently the original one wasn't deleted but this is the one that's updated.

Chapter Six

After a few more misguided attempts to land on New Earth that landed them in all kinds of hot water, one time literally in a vat of hot water. John promised Rose that when James went to sleep, “his humanly duties” John sneered which got him an evil glare from Rose. “Sorry… anyway I’ll pilot us to New Earth. I know what he’s doing, he’s purposely sabotaging our trip because he doesn’t want to be alone.”

“How do you know?” John gave her the dribbled down the shirt look.

“Because he’s me and I would do the same thing.” Rose immediately felt bad and guilty. It’s her fault all of this is going on however the tension is getting to her. She feels like she can’t enjoy time with John (who she still calls Doctor) without upsetting James (who she just calls James.) “Well can’t we get Martha, or Mickey or Jack to come along?”

“Rose they all have lives of their own. They don’t want to come and babysit any more than you nor I do.” James knew John knew he was there and said that to get him. They try to be civil but they still have to get their digs into each other. This one hurt him deeply. He wasn’t good enough for Rose the love of his life then who was he good enough for? Donna's insecurities were starting to get to him. “STOP IT!” He kept telling himself. “You are still a Time Lord.” He kept berating himself. He knew John was right. He had sabotaged many of their attempts to get to New Earth. John was also right, it was because he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to play the third wheel either.

James was having a rough time adjusting to the new dynamic on the Tardis. Many times he wondered what it would be like to have a fellow Time Lord on board. Now he knew what it was like. “I’m the one that even stuck my heart out there for her. He’s done nothing! He’s a big coward and she still wants him.” James knew the reason but it still hurt. “Oh Donna I wish you were still here.” He sighed as he laid in his bed resenting the implication that he needed to be babysat. “I’m a bloody Time Lord. I don’t need babysitting. I’m older than every one of our friends by almost a millennia. I’ve saved their world countless times and most of the time without even being thanked. Maybe I should have stayed with Caliegha at least she wanted me.” Donna tears started prickling the back of his eyes. “Rassilon!” he growled. He was still a Time Lord and no self-respecting Time Lord would ever be seen brooding and here he was doing just that. He didn’t realize it at first but the tears weren’t just prickling behind his eyes now they were streaming down his face. “What has happened to me?” he thought to himself. “I used to just be a hand in a jar. Then other me didn’t want to change and have Rose not want him any longer. So yeah he got the girl but lost his best friend and made his own worst nightmare, a clone of himself.” He tried as much as he could to hang on but deep down he knew. The Tardis wasn’t even really his home anymore. “OI watch it Spaceman!” Donna shrilled in his mind again. When he’d get upset she was always there to remind him. The Tardis sent him comforting feelings but that didn’t even work anymore. He knew. Truth is he knew for a long time. Rose didn’t even look at him anymore. He might as well have been Micky bloody Smith. now who’s the real idiot?

As The Tardis landed, James knew what he had to do. He gathered himself together got his Tardis blue bigger on the inside suitcase and started packing some things. The Tardis knew he preferred the blue suit and that’s how Sarah Jane, Jack, Martha and Mickey could tell them apart. Jack called him Doctor Blueberry and John was Doctor Chocolate. She gave him several blue suits with various colors of shirts. He had his custom red chucks and even a tuxedo of doom. The Tardis made him his own sonic screwdriver and even though he really, really wanted the coat he couldn’t do that. He was going to be his own man. He’d find his own way in life. He was no longer going to be ‘the other doctor’ or ‘the clone’ he was going to be Dr. James Ian Noble.

James took some gemstones and other items that he could get and sell so he could have money to buy a house. “Me in a house with walls and doors and carpets.” The Tardis gave him his own psychic paper and full-fledged credentials. He got a piece of coral and he was going to do this. However, he just had to get one last dig in. He knew John’s biggest fear was he’d take off and take the coat with him. Instead he took the coat and hid it. Once Rose had her back turned, he slipped the note he left them in her jacket.

Dear Rose and me,

Time has come for me to no longer be a burden to you. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but you’ll no longer have to worry about ‘babysitting’ me. While you are on New Earth I am going to go back to old Earth. I’m going to start my own Tardis growing and then I’ll be living in the 21st century while she matures. We all know police boxes had to get inspired by something. Not that you guys will ever need me or even want to see me again but if you do Jack will know where I am. In all honesty I wish you guys the best of luck and many regenerations of happiness.

Until then

Theta Sigma/Dr. James Ian Noble

Oh and Theta, good luck finding the coat. ∑


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

April 1, 2000

Wow it’s already April Schmitty! It’s so weird having to write 20 instead of 19. I remember the big Y2K that was going on. People were thinking the world was coming to an end because computers weren’t designed to take on the new year. Some people will freak out over anything I suppose.

So let me tell you what happened to me today. As a cruel April fools joke the nurses got me good. I’ve told them ever since I became in charge if a British man with a great smile, beautiful blue eyes comes in saying his name is Dr. John Smith to strap him to a gurney and call me regardless of day or night. They called CODE QUEEN. That’s my special code they made up. I about had heart failure. Thankfully I was in my office and wasn’t busy. I threw the paperwork I was working on in the air and literally ran at full tilt to the nurses station. I always wear tennis shoes oh excuse me you guys call them trainers with every outfit. I ran down there so excited. I had no idea what I was going to say to you or anything. I just knew it had to be you.

Unfortunately when I got there the guy that was the CODE QUEEN had gorgeous blue eyes, a pretty smile very toothy but genuine and very curly hair. I thought mine was curly oh man his looks like what Webster would put in the dictionary to define curly hair. While he was a nice, friendly guy he wasn’t you. Although in a weird way he reminded me of you. Are all British men from now on going to remind me of you? I will say he had the most absolutely AMAZING scarf. I couldn’t help but twirl it around in my hands. He was laughing because it was so long like never ending long and I was obsessed with it. He was a great guy. He was funny even told me what’s the point in being grown up if you can’t act a little childish at times. That stuck with me all day. I asked him where he got this scarf because I wanted one. I’m not normally a scarf person but that was just an awesome scarf and it would look great with my jacket. He actually told me Madame Nostradamus gave it to him. I smiled at him. Yeah sounds like he needed to be on the third floor. In America the third floor is generally the psych ward over here so it’s kinda a joke. I told him if he ever sees madame again to have her make me one only in various shades of blue. He smiled big at me an said he would. Then he offered me a jelly baby. I was so excited. I hadn’t had those since I was a teenager in boarding school. We talked for a few minutes and then he said he must be off. He smiled big at me and then left. Who would have thought in their lifetime I’d meet two people who claim to be doctors and go by the name John Smith. He was too young to be your dad. What am I saying like you guys are all related? Wait maybe you’re his dad? Nah I know it’s an alias. I hope someday if I ever meet you again I’ll get your real name. Until then Doc have a good day. Oh and the verdict is out on if green jelly babies do the same thing that green m&m’s do the one and only Raindrop of love.

December 31, 2004

Happy New Year Schmitty!

We’ve been having this one way conversation for 15 years now. A part of me is thinking I should stop but a part of me feels like I should keep it up. I can’t believe I still go through one 5 subject notebook a month. I counted to make sure and this is #180. That’s 36,000 pages!

As you know I just turned 37. In case you’re wondering or even care I’m still single. I’m just…I’m too awkward to date. I’m the girl that loves going to sporting events but then stares up at the sky at night. Anyone that goes out with me either hates sports or thinks I’m crazy for finding the romance in the stars. I’m also very shy and backward believe it or not because well my self-esteem isn’t the greatest. Yeah I know I’ve accomplished A LOT in my life even nominated for major, major world renowned awards but I just feel like why would anyone want me? I always feel like that horror movie Carrie. I’m the Carrie and if someone asked me out I’d be looking all over for a bucket of pigs blood. I guess though as long as all of my friends are happy I live vicariously through them. Besides I’m too old and set in my ways to have someone come disrupt my life. I don’t even have animals anymore because of not being around. I’m either in Cardiff or London or somewhere in America. I can’t do that to any baby. I never did get that shih tzu I talked about a million years ago. It’s fine though. I’m happy playing the big sister or little sister to everyone. I’m used to it I’ve done it all my life. Hope you had a great Christmas. You know how mine was the same as always.

Remember my Uncle John? He’s the one you took me home too. Maybe it’s the name, maybe it’s the masculine bravado manly man vibe the both of you gave off maybe it’s because you stuck up for me I don’t know but you reminded me of him so much. I felt safe with you just like I felt safe with him. Now that he’s gone and has been gone, when I look up at Orion I think of you. You’re my guiding star. Wow this got deeper than I originally thought it would. I just hope wherever you are at John you are happy, loved and healthy. Happy new year and may 2005 be “THE YEAR” I get to see you again.

Love always,

Raindrop


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

“Ah here we are” James smiled as he stepped out onto the streets of London. It was the early part of 1900. “It’s going to take a very long time for her to grow so by the time 1929 gets here she’ll look like a police box that will inspire Gilbert Trench in 1929 to design the ones you know and love Rose.” He turned around and realized it was just him. He didn’t have anyone to show off for or to teach. That’s when it hit him like a dying star, he was alone. Cold hard lonesomeness hit him right in the face. He looked down and realized the magnitude of his decision. He could go find Jack. He knew now Torchwood had been set up for about 21 years now thanks to him and Rose, but he wasn’t ready to deal with Jack and his uneasiness. It was Jack after all that found his hand. He waggled his fingers. He still loved that hand.

James left 1900 England, Earth and jumped ahead to check The Tardis. As he expected she was growing nicely. “See Dumbo that’s what you get for listening to me” Donna’s voice rang in his ears. Once again, he jumped ahead only this time to plant the idea of police boxes in the mind of Gilbert Trench the one responsible for making them famous in the first place. “Weeelll with a little help from me” he grinned as he thought about all of the ways he helped ‘influence’ history. “Being a shop attendant wasn’t so bad Rose” he told her one night after they finally managed to see Elvis. “I was one once. There was this 11-year-old boy and his mother in the store. They didn’t have much money, but she wanted to get him a birthday present. He wanted a rifle she wanted to get him a bike. Neither one wanted the other’s gift. So, I went up to them and smiled and suggested this acoustic guitar. This blond little boy decided he liked that, and his mother agreed. Ten years later was 1956. Do you know what happened in 1956 Rose?”

“What Doctor?”

“January 1956 ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ was released and the world was forever changed.”

“Oh you think you’re so impressive” she smiled that big smile that he loved and continued the joke she started in his previous body. 

“I am so impressive” he smiled back at her.

“You wish” she laughed “but Elvis had dark hair”

“Aw see that’s because he wanted to be a truck driver and two things truck drivers had, black hair and” he smiled and rubbed his cheek “sideburns. Imagine Elvis being a truck driver? Thank God for that guitar” he laughed “which” he ran back through The Tardis “look what I have” he laughed and started plucking, very badly, and doing his own impression of “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” he watched as Rose laughed at him. He’d do anything to get her to laugh. He smiled at the memory but also felt very sad. He was no longer going to be the one to make her smile.

As he left The Tardis, he remembered being in London the first time. He walked by 76 Totters Lane. He couldn’t help but smile at the old junkyard. About six months from now his crusty old first self would be landing here with Susan. Oh he missed her. She was his granddaughter and he loved her more than anything. Regardless of what his companions thought, he always had the best intentions in his hearts. Even though she may have been upset with him, he knew that as long as she was with him Susan would never have the normal life she craved. That’s why he left her behind to marry David.

For about two months now James has been working at the school. He loves it. He gets to show off for students and actually makes a difference. He’s also made great friends with a certain history and science teacher. He got to see Ian and Barbara before they were his companions. He made great friends with them. It was so nice to see them without them knowing who he truly was. To them he was just Dr. James Noble. In a few months they would meet him when he was his first self.

Thankfully Susan has been at the school but so far he’s kept his distance from her. She’s in Miss Smith’s English class. James went through the classics with his students and they loved it. Then it got time for Shakespeare. To a bunch of 15 year olds Shakespeare is long dead and gone. He was confusing to understand and read but James brought him to life in a way only he can. They were excited to learn about The Bard and he had a big smile on his face as they went through Loves Labors Lost. When he went back to The Tardis that night he called Jack up to see how Martha was doing. She was doing great. She was still working for UNIT. He was happy her life wasn’t totally ruined by their time together. He decided he was going to make it a point to see Wilf as much as he could. It had been a long time since he had a father and even though he was about a millennia older than Wilf, he loved the man. He would have been honored to have had him as a father. Maybe he could be his Earthly father. Seems like sometimes even 900 year old Time Lords can use a fatherly advice.

James eventually ran into Susan after all. She looked at him and apologized but noticed something strange about Mr. Noble. “Hello Susan” he smiled just like he did to Sarah Jane when he was pinstripes. Susan looked at him strange again. She was a Time Lady so she knew about regenerations. “G…g…grandfather?” she said unsurely.

“Yes it’s me”

“Oh my what… you’re different somehow.”

“You know I can’t tell you” he smiled at his granddaughter. To the outside world she looked 15/16 but she was much, much older than that.They talked for a while and it was so nice to see his granddaughter again. He hasn’t seen her since his fifth body when he and some others were zapped out of their timeline to go back to Gallifrey. It was nice seeing her like she was now.

James couldn’t tell Susan about Rose, The Time War, the metacrisis anything. Susan knew the laws of time of course like any well-schooled time tot but there’s always a chance she’d let something slip. Her intelligence is what led Ian and Barbara to start snooping after all. Still he just once more had to go by the old junkyard. One he wanted to see his old albeit much younger than pinstripes self. Time is such a funny thing. He walked cheerfully through the doors as he walked Susan home. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh, choke, or slap himself when old man Doctor accused him of being Susan’s’ boyfriend. “What? What? What?”

“You heard me young man”

“Yeah I heard you but I can’t believe YOU asked that!”

“Grandfather this is” Susan looked up at James not sure if she should go on.

“I’m you!” His first self chuckled. James always did like the laughter in that body.

“No my boy you most certainly are not me.”

“Boy do I change thankfully” James chuckled. Normally he’d have an argument with himself but he had been doing that a lot recently. This time he just bid himself goodbye. “It’s so nice to see you again Susan.”

“It’s nice to see this version of you too grandfather.”

“Just remember Susan no matter what happens I love you.”

“I love you too grandfather.” He gave her a hug and held on extra tight. His Donna side was trying to come through but he would not let his grumpy old man self see that. He bid her adieu and walked out of the junkyard.

The school was a buzz with Barbara, Ian, and Susan all of a sudden gone missing. There were rampant rumors of course but after a while things died down. James is seeing the other side of what it’s like to be “The Doctor” otherwise known as the aftermath. He stayed for about six months at the school then he got the itch. He needed to leave. His Tardis was growing nicely and he figured he might only have to stay on the Earth’s present future time for about a couple of years before she could fly. A couple of years wouldn’t be too bad would it? He was exiled in the 1970s for a while. Ok so it really drove him batty and the Brigadier “The Brigadier! That’s who I can go see next!” He did owe poor Alistair some good liquor for nearly driving him insane. He laughed at the memories he had of the Brig finding him in his third body and then watching him regenerate into his fourth. He laughed as he remembered the RIDICULOUS outfits he tried on. He wasn’t going to wear them of course he just wanted to make The Brig and Harry laugh. He was a court jester, a Viking, a ballerina he thinks he can’t remember what all of the crazy outfits he tried on. That body had a tendency to be a little childish. He rather enjoyed that body it was one of his favorites.

James walked into Alistair’s office, “Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart how are you? It’s so good to see you” James shook Alistair’s hand.

“Do I know you?” the Brigadier looked puzzled. James forgot that the brig had retired and wasn’t at Sarah’s ‘wedding.’ “Oh just an old friend passing through.” He smiled at the brig. Alistair gave a puzzled look. “I best be off don’t want my old self to see this self” James smiled. “Doctor?” Alistair asked surprised. “But…but…you’re in there with Miss Shaw.”

“Liz! Oh wow” he laughed. “I liked her. How are you?”

“It is just one thing after another with you isn’t it Doctor” the brig shook his head.

“That’s time travel for you” he smiled. “It’s good to see you again Alistair” James hugged his old friend and walked away. He could sense his third self nearby. He did however get a glance at his outfit. “Cape that makes me look like Count Dracula. Weeeelllll it was the 70s sure beats what I wore in my 6th body. Those curls must have been permed way to tight.”

“What are you doing here?” James didn’t get away fast enough. “Did they send you?”

“Did who send me?”

“The Time Lords did they send you? Who are you? You’re…an anomaly.”

“Spoilers”

“Spoilers? What does that mean?”

“It means I can’t tell you what your future holds oh and James Bond you might want to ditch the cape. You look like Dracula in it.”

“Who are YOU to tell ME what to wear? Look at yourself” he stood at full attention. His chest was puffed out and he was giving the very masculine, macho vibe off. “Yeah I’ve come a long way” he winked at his third self and laughed as he walked by. “By Theta” he waved. His third self almost had a stroke. No one has called him Theta since the academy. “Oh and be nicer to Liz. Maybe she’ll stick around.” As James was leaving he had the sudden urge to buy some jelly babies.

Normally he doesn’t like seeing his past selves. It can create a paradox and cause trouble. However there are times if he’s very, very careful just a peak wouldn’t hurt. He helped Jo get his third self some tea, he watched as Sarah Jane came into the Brigadier’s office. He even saw Harry again. He missed some of his old companions. He wasn’t normally one to be nostalgic because they move on and leave and forget about him. They go on with their lives and he’s left alone. However seeing them when they are young and just starting out on their adventures together did make him happy. “Oh Donna I wish you could have had more adventures with me” he said softly as he passed by his fifth self. “Celery, I was right not many men could pull off wearing a decorative vegetable.”


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

March 27, 2005

Schmitty! Oh my holy canaries batman! You wouldn’t believe what happened yesterday! Yes I know aliens do exist. Yes I’ve seen quite a few working with Jack at Torchwood. I don’t work there much and I’m not in the field. Jack gave me the breakdown on aliens. I never really talked about Torchwood before because if someone, anyone got a hold of this then they’d think I lost my mind aliens? But now maybe the world WILL believe.

I was at a shopping mall store yesterday. Actually met a real sweet girl at the store. Her name was Rose. We kinda bonded because of our flowery names. She had blond hair and a big mouth but she was sweet. She was about the same age I was when I met you….WAIT…NO IT CAN’T BE…WAIT… Holy crap…holy crap…I just realized the store. I… wow… ok this is going to take a few seconds for me to calm down. You see Jack told me all of these wild stories about when he was traveling with “The Doctor.” I’ve actually in some kind of stupid sense have become like a fan girl. That’s the word they use these days. In my day it was nerd. Anyway he told me about The Doctor and this blond girl. Her name was Rose Tyler. Jack never gave me like specific dates and details. I don’t know if he knows or not but anyway Rose is actually The Doctor’s girlfriend. Anyway I left the store because it was closing and then all of a sudden boomyah it blew up! Holy canaries Orion! Jack told me that The Doctor blew up Rose’s shop. Which means if I met Rose then The Doctor wasn’t far behind. Damn it Jack why didn’t you tell me? You know I’d love to meet him! Anyway it was all over the news and everything. Sadly there is one person dead. I have no idea who it was.

Anyway back to what I was talking about before I got seven forms of excited. All of a sudden I saw this thing move out of the corner of my eye. It was one of those creepy as hell looking dummies. I thought it was a robot at first but then it kept moving. I knew from my time at Torchwood, with Jack and just having my gut instinct something wasn’t right. For starters dummies don’t move but there was just an eerie feeling in the air. I watched them move around kinda like the robot dance back in the 80s and then they started shooting people. I tried to help as many as I could get to safety but someone was literally shot right in front of my face. He was a middle aged man and had a son and a wife with him. I tried to help him but he was already dead. Once his wife and child were to safety I called Jack and told him what was going on. He told me it was ok things would settle down. He said this has to happen for everything else to fall into place. Apparently this is one of those fixed points in time. Anyway it was breaking my heart seeing all of these people getting hurt. I walked out and saw this blond woman in a track suit kneeling down by a car. The dummy was going up to her and it was going to shoot her. I was looking for something to hit it with to knock it out of the way but then all of a sudden it stopped. As quick as it started it ended. The dummy fell to the ground as well as the other dummies and they were back to being plastic. I ran over to the lady. She was scared to death. I asked her if she was ok. I told her I was a doctor and checked her out as best I could. She was fine. She told me her name was Jackie. She seemed nice if not a bit shaken up.

When things like this happen or crisis at the hospital happen I automatically switch into Dr. Lilly mode. My personal feelings and fears are set to the side and I do what I can to help people. Once the problem is over then it’s my turn to have a meltdown. I went home and called Lucas, Jake and Jack. All three of them were fine. I curled up in bed and had my own meltdown. I closed my eyes and could see those stupid things shooting people. As much as I like The Doctor if this is what he brings I’m not sure I want to meet him after all.

On the flip side though, I am a little jealous of Rose. She gets to travel in time and space. She gets to see things no one else gets to see. I just hope she appreciates it. I know if I ever got a trip in the Tardis, that’s what Jack said The Doctor’s ship is called, I know I’d want to go see Elvis. He’s my personal hero. He’s helped me get through so many things when I was a kid. Jack said this is when the world starts changing. However believe it or not the news just reports that it was some kind of crazy glitch. Whatever the excuse the media reported it was too far fetched to be believed so I didn’t even listen. The actual real excuse would have been much more believable. I think they said it was something in the electrical unit of the mall. Yeah but that doesn’t explain why mannequins would have guns in their hands hidden away. Ugh sometimes I hate the media. It makes people more stupid and that’s not hard to do. Well anyway March 26, 2005 that’s the day the world officially changes just depending on who’s got enough brains to believe it. Until tomorrow love always Dr. Raindrop.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten 

James decided the Tardis was growing quite well. Now it was time to work on his future. As he landed on the rift he remembered the restaurant him and Margaret were having dinner at. He always moved forward but he couldn’t help but wonder whatever did happen to Blon. “Hey if it isn’t Dr. Blueberry” Mickey chided him with a chuckle and fist bumped him. “Are Rose and the other you with you?” Even after everything they’ve been through Rose and Mickey were still good friends. “You mean Dr. Chocolate?” James smiled knowing how much John hated that name. “No I’m on my own. Is Jack around?”  
“Well look who’s decided to grace us with his presence” the American pretty boy said with a bright smile. “How are you doing today Boo Berry?” a joke on an American cereal popular at Halloween. “Alright Jack Daniels” James grinned. They went back to Jacks’ office. “So what’s up?” Jack liked James because while he was partly human now he had more of a sense of humor than the original Doctor. “I just…I … I just needed to see a friend that knew me.” James sighed. Through all of the trouble Jack had given him they grew real close during the year that never was. 

“Trouble in paradise?”

“How did you know what happened on Paradise?” Jack looked at him blankly.

“It’s an expression. Things working out with the three of you? If you ever want to make it a foursome” James just looked at The Captain. “Rose and I … Rose and I aren’t together.”

“WHAT?” came an echo of Jack, Mickey, and Gwen.

“Yeah she chose Count Chocula oh I like that one.” James giggled.

“I’m so sorry anything we can do to help?”

“How long has it been since we towed the Earth?”

“Two years”

“Wow” James shook his head. He was a two year old. “I’m going to come stay on Earth at least until my Tardis is ready. She’s growing nicely.”

“You’re going to stay on Earth?” Jack looked at him

“Yeah what’s wrong with that?” Jack started laughing hysterically.

“You never stay anywhere. You come you solve the problem you leave before lunch.”

“Yeah well it’s getting cramped on the Tardis.”

“Well what do you need?”

“A place to stay and a job. I want to teach.”

“You want to be a teacher” Jack said stunned.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing’s wrong with it I just don’t see you being a teacher. I thought you might want to be a scientist or an actual doctor. You could work here if you want as our special advisor.”

“I don’t know about Torchwood. I still have mixed feelings about it. No offense.” He sighed. “I taught at my granddaughter’s school.”

“Wait! Grand…you have a granddaughter?” Mickey chimed in.

“I thought about teaching astronomy for university kids.” He just like always blew past Mickey’s question. “Have you talked to Sarah Jane? How’s she doing?’

“She’s doing great I can call her and ask if you’d like. Granddaughter?”

“Yes please call Sarah.”

“So you have a granddaughter?” Mickey tried again. And again James just looked out into the hall his mind in a daze. Avoiding personal questions was his specialty. He took a deep breath and was ok with his decision. It was finally time. Mickey and Jack helped get his things out of the Tardis and sent his only home he’s had back to New Earth, five minutes after he left.

James wasn’t really ready to be on his own. Jack knew it, Sarah Jane knew it, Mickey knew it. He wasn’t good at being alone on the Tardis his natural home so being stuck on Earth alone that was, even though he’d never admit it, frightening. Sarah Jane offered to let him stay with her for a while. He was grateful for the offer and took her up on it.

He sat the last box down in his room in Ealing. Sarah Jane lived on 13 Bannerman Road. His Sarah Jane. “Did you ever imagine all those years ago that I’d be living with you instead of you living with me?” he laughed.

“I never would have imagined you as being human honestly”

“I’m only part human Sarah. I’m still Time Lord.”

“Yes I know” she smiled at him. He said that to anyone that mistook him for being solely human.

At dinner that night they told stories to Luke and his friends about Sarah Jane traveling with him in his third and fourth incarnations. “Remember Bessie?” he laughed with her. “She was my yellow roadster I got when I was banished to Earth in the 1970s. It was part of my deal with UNIT. I had her supped up and looking nice too. I wonder whatever happened to her? My 6th self sold it to this beautiful lady. I wonder what she did with it? I wonder if it's still around.” He caught himself. He was determined not to talk about Rose. He found the more he talked about her the more it hurt. He wanted to move on and see what he could do in the limited span he had.

After being there for a couple weeks the neighbors started getting curious. Sarah Jane had to come up with a story and being an investigative journalist she could spin one. James was her cousin from out of town. James laughed “way out of town” he whispered to Luke who chuckled along with him. At night when everyone went to bed he was having problems sleeping. He was still having images of Donna in his head saying binary, binary, binary multiple times. Then she’d gasp and look at him and yell at him saying he did this to her. He’d wake up in a cold sweat and not be able to sleep. He hasn’t had that nightmare in a while but now that he’s in her present time stream it has returned with a vengeance.

There were minor alien occurrences but nothing that would get the mass hysteria going again. He helped Sarah and the kids with them. He made friends with Luke and his friends Clyde and Rani. He would continue to play chess, and lose, to K9. He taught during the day and spend the evenings with Sarah and her gang. To give them a break, he went to his growing Tardis on Saturdays. He spent some time with Jack as well. Sundays he started calling and talking to Wilf. Wilf was moved to tears to find out James took the Earth name Noble as his last name. “It’s my way of honoring Donna and the sacrifice she made.” Many nights he’d go over and when Donna wasn’t home he’d sit out there and stargaze with Wilf. He loved the stargazing but what he really enjoyed was the company. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing ok. She just acts like there’s something missing and she doesn’t understand why. Can’t you fix her Doctor? She was so much better when she was with you.”

“Wilf I told you if she remembered me it could kill her. I’d rather die than to see that happen.” He said softly.

Wanting to not dwell on the guilt he was feeling, he started talking about the planet Manetuwak. “You know George Lucas isn’t too far off with the Ewoks. There is a planet called Manetuwak. They are these furry little creatures. They are cute as can be but once you make them mad they are evil. They look quite like an Ewok meets Gizmo from Gremlins” he rattled off while looking at the stars. “It’s over that way” he pointed with his left hand towards the right “about 50 million light years away. They actually named me their king because I saved them from the Corudeen. Now those were some evil creatures” he rattled on. Wilf knew just to listen. James was on a rant because he didn’t want to think about Donna and other things.

Wilf sat there and watched his friend who he considered a son. He tried to hide his fear but Wilf was a soldier. He saw The Doctor when the Sontarans were gassing up the sky. He knew fear when he saw it no matter how much it was masked. “Have you heard from your other self?”

“No” he said softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. He’ll probably only come back to Earth when he knows I’m gone.”

“That’s sad you two should be able to get along.”

“Wellll” he laughed “it’s kinda an awkward situation isn’t it” he smiled.

“Well what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to start teaching this fall at the university. I taught at my granddaughter’s school when I first came back here and I realized I loved it.”

“You have a granddaughter?” That was always the question asked whenever he said it. While he didn’t talk about it with most people Wilf wasn’t just most people. “Yeah” he said softly. “Her name is Susan. She used to travel with me back in my first body.”

‘How many have you had?”

“I call myself ten too. The other me the full Time Lord me is the 10th regeneration.”

“How many are you allowed to have?”

“12” Wilf didn’t know what to say after that.

“What’s it like up there Doctor?” He was actually one of the only ones left that still called him Doctor.

“Oh Wilf it is amazing. There’s so many planets and things to see and do. My Tardis gets grown and I will take you anywhere and any when you want to go you just name it.”

“When will it be grown?”

“I think it’s got only a couple more years for it to finally mature thanks to Donna. She told me how to speed up the process. I actually started growing her in 1900.”

“Wow does she look like that police box?”

“No she’s actually got a fully functional chameleon circuit. Of all the things in the world she decides she wants to be a pear tree.” James shuddered.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I hate pears” he cringed. Wilf laughed till his belly hurt. That got James to laugh the first real good laugh he’s had in a long time. “Sounds like you have a feisty one on your hands”

“Oh you have no idea” James laughed.

A cold breeze blew through their hair. James knew it was time to leave. He promised Wilf he’d come by and see him again. Sundays were James day to spend with Wilf who he affectionately called granddad just like Donna.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

April 17, 2006

Wow Jack wasn’t kidding about the 21st century. You will never guess what happened. A huge spaceship literally took out Big Ben. I guess it was looking for a good time 😊 anyway the word from Downing Street came that there were these aliens that crashed into Big Ben and are wanting to take over the government and the world. They wanted the United Nations to release the nuclear codes and have a nuclear war. Anyway the stupid United Nations were going to release these nuclear codes! Jack told me what really happened. These big green aliens called Slitheen were masquerading as various parts of government. The spaceship that hit Big Ben was a diversion to get everyone riled up. The Doctor and Rose were there as well as some lady named Harriet Jones. To stop them from launching the codes The Doctor had Rose’s boyfriend Mickey break into the government and launch a missile. That’s what hit 10 Downing Street. Honestly I don’t know what’s scarier the missile or the fact someone can really hack into the government and launch one at whim. Harriet came on the TV telling everyone the world was safe now the aliens were gone. I like Harriet if I was a British citizen I’d vote for her. Of course the media is going to cover it up. They said it was some kind of hoax. How the hell can you have a hoax when literally the place where your government does it’s business and one of your most famous landmarks are destroyed? I honestly don’t know who’s stupider. The media or the idiots that believe the media. Oh the best part Jack told me the aliens are from a planet called Raxacora oh never mind. It’s one of those fun names to say but no way in the world would I ever be able to spell it. You’re not an alien are you John? Just kidding. Honestly you’re probably not even around anymore. If you are though I hope you are happy, safe and loved.

Till next time,

Raindrop from Raxacoricofallapatorius HA! I did it!

December 25, 2006

Hey it’s me. It’s my 39th birthday. As I have spent every birthday I am alone. Most years I volunteer to work for whoever hasn’t had Christmas off in a long time but I just couldn’t do it this year. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older I don’t know but I just am not up to it. HOLY HELLS BELLS! OH MY GOD! John if you are still alive I pray to God you are ok. London is under attack! There is a spaceship literally right over The Thames! I looked just to make sure this wasn’t a movie. It’s on every channel. The people….oh my God the people…the people are actually going to a high place. It … it looks like they are being mind controlled. Oh John I so hope you’re OK. I have to go I’ll fill you in on what happens tomorrow.

December 26, 2006

OK now that the world has calmed down just a tad bit I can finish what happened yesterday. I got Jack on the phone and we made sure Lucas and Kelly (his new flavor of the month) Jake and Elizabeth were all OK. I so hope you are OK. Jack told me that the Sycorax are who the aliens were. They were wanting to take over the world using a+ blood type. Long story short Britain sent up a probe and it had a vial of blood on there. Everyone was going to the highest places they could find. As soon as the weather breaks I’m going over to Cardiff. Sadly though Harriet Jones got voted out of office. I’m not sure what the actual details are on that but apparently they didn’t have any confidence in her ability to run the country after this crisis. I’m sorry but who the hell actually would have the ability? Sometimes Britain really pisses me off. Jack said she went on TV and pleaded with The Doctor to come help. He doesn’t know if he actually showed up or not because this didn’t happen before he started travelling with him. Jack is in the dark just like the rest of us. I liked Harriet Jones though. She had spunk. I wish I knew her I’d buy her a cup of tea. I haven’t watched BBC News so I’m not sure how they’re spinning this one. The news stations here are calling it some kind of hallucinogen that people ate something and caused them to fall victim. John for new year’s I need a shovel and some boots because this world is so full of it anymore.

January 31, 2007

They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky they’re all together kooky the Addams family “snaps fingers.” Schmitty in my almost 40 years on Earth I’ve seen some weird things. I’ve known Jack for literally half of my life. I’ve known about Torchwood, worked for Torchwood, and have seen things that you can only IMAGINE but yet once again Jack Harkness has surprised me once again. I walked in and dropped my tea. On Jack’s desk is a receptacle it looks like something I’d use in a lab to test. What does Jack have in there? A HAND!!! A REAL LIFE HONEST TO GOD MAN’S HAND! At first I squealed like a little girl but I swear as I’m sitting here it waved at me. That was all it took. My crazy brain kicked in. I am drawn to Thing, (my nickname for it) like a moth to a flame. I am so fascinated by it Gwen, Iantho, Owen, Tosh and Jack are looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles. Truth is maybe I have but Thing is my new pet. Jack tried to give me the back story but I wasn’t paying attention. Like a kid I stuck my hand up to the glass and gave it a high five. I swear its fingers moved. I spent hours with that thing.

The novelty for thing has worn off on the others but I’m still sitting there talking to it. I’m literally talking to the hand. After a while my curiosity got the best of me. I had to know the story. Of all the hands in all of the universes guess who’s hand it is. Yep it’s The Doctor’s. Of course I freak out and want to know if he’s OK and if Jack’s seen him and if he’s around. I’m asking a million questions and Jack finally shuts me up. He told me about Harriet. What happened was on Christmas Day she was teleported up to the Sycorax’s spaceship. Long story short The Doctor’s Tardis was there and was teleported as well. The Doctor comes out and fights the leader of the Sycorax. He’s the reason everyone was able to come from up high. Apparently he was sick or something Jack didn’t give details but the Sycorax leader cut off his hand in a sword fight. Being that he’s a Time Lord he has an unique ability to grow his own hand back so he has both of his hands still. He beat the leader and saved the planet again. Then Harriet had Torchwood fire missiles and blow up the spaceship. The Doctor was upset over that and planted some information in Harriet’s assistants ear and that’s what lead to her being removed from office. He called it murder she called it defense honestly I can see both points but on this one I’m Team Harriet. You have to have a backbone and stand up for yourself. Sorry that’s just how I feel.

So when I go into Torchwood the next time I’m going to take that hand and put it at my desk. Jack calls it his Doctor Detector. He didn’t get to see him but he has a few things he wants to work out with him. He has some questions he needs answered. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t know how he became immortal. He wants to change back. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to live forever and see the ones I love die around me. I hope Jack gets his wish.

Well Schmitty I’ve had fun but for right now I think the hand is going to be my new therapist. Nah you know better than that ya know in all the time I’ve known Jack I’ve never asked if he had a picture of The Doctor. I take that back I did and he said he didn’t. He said he wouldn’t let him take pictures. He described him. Ironically he sounded like you. I know it’s just a coincidence though. I wonder what he looks like now? Oh well maybe someday I’ll find out. I think I’m revising my fantasy trip in the Tardis. I think if I only got one trip I’d like to go back to our day. I’d like to see you again and just say two words. Thank you.

Well I’m going to go now. I hope you have a great day! Ya know what? It’s been almost 20 years and no one knows about my nickname Raindrop. I’ve been tempted to tell people but I kinda like just having a special secret to myself. Anyway I hope you have a great and fantastic day!

Love always

Raindrop


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

James has been staying with Sarah Jane throughout the summer. It was now the beginning of fall and it was time he started his new job. He set up his office a week earlier with all of the planets and stars in the Milky Way galaxy. “Ancient Romans called this galaxy Via Lactea which means the road of milk” he said to himself. He couldn’t wait to start teaching because then he could actually share his knowledge with someone instead of talking to himself and giving himself an earache.

On James’ second day setting up his office he met his boss Bernard Wright. He was an elderly gentleman with a kind smile. He reminded James of Wilf who actually took him to a football match last weekend. Bernard was a typical British man. He loved his tea. Earl Grey was Bernard’s choice while James preferred English Breakfast. Every day for the past week James would come in and have morning tea with Bernard. Mrs. Wright would always make something special for Bernard for his morning tea. Once she found out that he had someone drinking it with him again she made extra. James was really excited because Wednesdays are banana nut muffin day. “You remind me of Lilly” Bernard laughed. As he watched James tear into another banana nut muffin. “Who’s Lilly?”

“She’s a professor here. She teaches during the summer months. She lives in America and comes over here for a few months. She loves bananas.”

“Sounds like my kinda girl” James smiled not thinking anything particular. “Bananas are good. Good source of potassium” always take a banana to a party Rose he remembered telling her that with the clockwork droids. What James didn’t know was Bernard thought so too. The wheels in his head started spinning. “You’d like her. I hope you get to meet her someday. She teaches astrophysics. Very, very beautiful girl.” James picked up what Bernard was saying. He just smiled at him and changed the subject to current events.

James was eating a biscuit when she walked in. He nearly choked. The face it was the same as he remembered. Everything was the same but it’s impossible extremely, extremely impossible. “Hello daaahhliiiiinggg” she gushed as she sashayed through the room. “Bernard aren’t you going to introduce me to your new student.”

“He’s not a student he’s a professor. James this is Cassandra O’Brien.” At that James did have to excuse himself. The biscuit he was eating did get lodged in his throat from the shock. He was able to wash it down with the rest of his tea but the shock was there. Did I fall asleep and wake up five billion years later?

Cassandra was just like he remembered her. She was an elitist who looked down on everyone. She was even looking down at James. “How dreadful. You wear those horrible trainers with a suit and not a nice suit at that. Really Bernard you couldn’t do better?”

“Cassandra that is enough!” Bernard was getting mad. “I’m sorry James .”

“No it’s ok I’ve dealt with her before” then he caught himself “I mean her type before. Due for another surgery Cassandra? Looks like you have a bit of a chin you might want to get taken care.” He flicked his own chin. James did the quick math. It would have had to have been way more than 15 generations for her to be even close to a relative of the Cassandra he knew. “That’s Lady Cassandra to you.”

“That’s Sir Doctor to you” James smiled a bright mischievous smile. Bernard chuckled at James’antics. “Lady Cassandra is one of our largest donors.”

“Really? She doesn’t look to big to me. Must have been the start of the surgeries then” James realized he said that out loud when he got a slap in the face. “I’ll have you know I can have you fired before you even teach your first lesson!”

“Yeah well have fun with that. Thanks for the tea Bernard gotta dash” he turned around and left Bernard office. “Oh Rose” he said out loud. Even though it had been a few months since he saw her he still wanted to tell her about his adventures in real life.

James started teaching and he loved it. The students loved it. Their scores went up higher than any professor ever had. Cassandra of course tried to use her power to get him fired but once they found out James was a ‘descendant’ of the real Mr. Copper he couldn’t be fired. It was in the bylines and in his contract. Not just that but the school was happy with the way the students were taking to learn about astronomy. What no one knew was the real Mr. Copper was an alien James had rescued from the space version of the Titanic. He had a credit card on him that he put in Earth currency. Mr. Copper not knowing how to calculate the difference in currency put the equivalent of 1 million pounds on the card. He told The Doctor, James, he’d make sure to make him proud. Sure enough he did. He started this school and it has grown into a world class university. When James was doing his nostalgia tour he looked up Mr. Copper. The old man was so excited to see him. James told him he’d like to teach at his school. Mr. Copper set it up in the bylines that James and any of his descendants always have a job there and anything they need regardless. So no matter what Cassandra tries to pull, James will always have a job teaching at The Copper Institute if he so chooses.

As the year went on James was getting restless. He forgot what it was like to be ‘stranded’ in one time and one place. By now it had been 40 years since he was stuck. At least at that time he still had The Tardis and eventually was able to get into her. Now he’s just waiting for her to let him in. She’s growing nicely and is even in his head now. He was starting to feel the pressure of staying too long. He loved Sarah Jane dearly and she loved him but it was time to move on they both knew it. So now he’s sleeping at an office in Torchwood. Jack told him that his friend uses it when she comes over and helps out but it would be a while before she’d be back.

It’s been a stressful few weeks. Jack has literally taken on roll of real estate agent. He’s taken James all over London and surrounding areas trying to find a house. They were either too small, or the yard wasn’t big enough for the Tardis or too many walls. “No this has too much carpet.”

“You can actually tear carpet out Doctor.”

“I know that!” he snapped. Lately he’s been getting snappy with everyone. When he’d go into a house he would just know if it was the right one. The Tardis would give him messages saying no to every house. “James that is literally the last house in Britain for sale or for rent. I’m sorry the Tardis is mad and won’t let you in but there are no other places left. You could build your own house.”

“I’ll know it when I see it. She’ll let me know where”

“James you know nothing is going to replace the Tardis.”

“I’m NOT TRYING TO REPLACE THE TARDIS!” James snapped at him. He was even surprised at the venom he had. Jack had enough. 

“You know what you need? You need to get laid! Go find a man, woman, tree I don’t care. Here’s 100 lbs it should do the trick.” James picked up the money and threw it at him. “I’m a Time Lord Harkness! We don’t need to get laid as you so bluntly put it! That’s for primitive apes like humans.”

“Have you forgotten who you are now?” Jack yelled back.

“How can I forget Jack! I feel it with every bloody beat in my chest! Do you know what it’s like to go from having two hearts in your chest to having one? No you don’t! Do you know what it’s like to be changed from something you have been all of your life to something new with no way of getting back? No you don’t! Do you know what it’s like to fall in love with the girl of your dreams just to have your other self take her away? Do you know what it’s like to HAVE a copy of yourself? Do you know what it’s like to have that copy of yourself always remind you that you are less than you were before? No you don’t!” James didn’t mean to let all of that out. He had been holding it in and the last person he wanted to take it out on was Jack. He was his best friend now after all. For his part Jack got what he wanted. He knew James was holding things in. That might work for a Time Lord but for a human after a while it gets to be too much. “I’m sorry Doctor I know this can’t be easy on you.”

“Nine centuries Jack I was a Time Lord. Now my own ship doesn’t recognize me.” He said softly. He finally let it out. The Tardis was growing nicely. She was by all accounts ready to take off but she refused to let him in. She kept telling him it wasn’t the time. However he just wanted to sit in her and feel like he was home again, like he was whole again. He was fighting as hard as he could. Jack nor anyone was going to see him cry. Jack just placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You know you remind me of one of my dearest friends. Her name is Liliana. She’s one of these that tries so hard and holds everything in. She’s always brave no matter what.”

“She sounds like Rose” James said softly.

“She’s better than Rose” Jack admitted confidently.

“No one is better than Rose” James argued.

“That’s because you haven’t met Princess Peach. That’s one of her nicknames we’ve given her. The point is when she thinks no one is around she falls apart. She thinks no one hears her crying at night when things get tough but I do. I’ve seen her take on enormous obstacles. She’s got a great heart and would do anything for anyone. Yet she won’t let anyone see her cry. She feels she has to be strong for everyone. If she thinks you’re in trouble she will fight to the death to make you better. I’m going to tell you what I tell her. You can’t lose me. You literally can’t lose me” he laughed. James smiled. “Part of being human James is knowing when to let go. The both of you have that problem. You may have saved the world multiple, multiple times but sometimes you have to save yourself. Let her go James. Take a fresh breath. You don’t have to be in his shadow or your shadow any longer. Be your own man.”

“Truth is Jack” he said softly not wanting to admit it to anyone especially himself. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be over Rose.”

“How long since you’ve seen her?” James blew out his cheeks. He wasn’t really sure anymore.

“I’d say bout the equivalent of six Earth months.”

“It takes time to heal James. You have been through a lot. You have been through things no one could ever even imagine.”

“I just… I … I know why now she did it but have you ever been jealous of yourself? It’s a very weird feeling. But what hurts the most is I don’t think she even sees me as The Doctor anymore. I don’t think anyone truly does.” He dropped his head. His Donna insecurities were getting to him.

“I see you as The Doctor. Mickey, Martha, Sarah Jane we all do.”

“Yeah but if the world was in a major crisis you’d still want him” he sulked.

“Believe me when things get bad we’re glad you’re here to help. We all love you and yeah you may be part of us now but you’re still The Doctor.”

“Yeah maybe” he huffed.

“Listen Donna!” Jack growled. He only called James that when he could tell his inner Donna was coming out. “You leave James alone. He’s just as great as the full Time Lord if not no you know what he’s better than him. Because now he knows what it’s like to be a stupid ape.” Jack smiled at him. It worked. He got James to grin. “Yeah they’re fantastic” he smiled and made Jack laugh.

Jack and James went back to Torchwood. There was a minor invasion of the Lumanai that they settled rather quickly. However something Jack said did ring with James. He could build him a house. As he sat in the office that doubled as his sleeping area he was talking to himself. “Why would I build myself a house when I have the Tardis?”

“Well how are you going to explain the Tardis to any lady friends or guy friends if they want to come over?” Jack asked.

“That’s true” he sighed. “Honestly it might be the best thing I can do. I can build me a house. There’s actually a piece of land not too far from the school. When I walk by it I can feel the Tardis telling me something but I’m not sure what exactly. Maybe she wants to be put there and have a house built there.”

“Very well possible” Jack said as he chewed on a slice of pepperoni pizza. He started telling James about some of his past dates he’s had. It was ringing on James head to tell him. “Truth is Jack I have been silently seeing someone. Hey if I build a house do you know of any contractors that can build it?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa and when were you going to tell me this Casanova?”

“Ya know speaking of Casanova you know who taught him everything?” James put on a big smile. 

“No the diversion istn going to work Romeo.”

“Martha tell you Shakespeare hit on her?”

“Yeah he can get away with it in Freedonia now. Spill it!”

“Oh alright” James sighed. “Her name is Renee. Did I ever tell you I met Reinette Poisson?”

“That’s a different story”

“Had to sing a song from My Fair Lady to save Rose and Mickey.” He laughed

“DOCTOR!” Jack snapped. If he didn’t he’d be another millennia trying to get the answer out.

“Well Renee claims she’s a distant relative to Reinette. Having met the Reinette I’d say she’s right. She’s got the blond hair and blue eyes.” He sighed and looked down at his hands. “To be honest I don’t know why I put up with her. She’s the most vapid, self-centered person I’ve ever met.”

“So are you ‘with’ her?” James looked down again. He’d asked himself this a few dozen times over the two months since they started dating. “What else am I going to do?” James looked at him.

“You could find someone actually worth your time”

“Where?”

“The internet for starters”

“Oh no I’m not meeting someone who claims to be one thing then they’re not”

“Bar scene”

“My ninth self actually met someone in a bar once. She was sweet as could be. Had a smile that would light up the world” he smiled.

“See! Look her up”

“This was years ago. It was only one night.”

“Well look at you and here I thought old big ears didn’t do that kind of thing.”

“He didn’t. The Tardis landed there and I saw she was in trouble. We actually hung out till dawn. It was right after the Time War. I had just regenerated. I didn’t even know what I looked like yet. I walked in and she was reading an astrophysics book. I started talking to her about Orion and whatever trouble she was in just melted away. We went to this diner and ate banana nut muffins and milk till the sun came up.” He smiled at the memory.

“What happened?”

“I walked her back to her hotel. I noticed the scars on her wrists. I noticed the bottle of pills in her pocket. I stayed till she fell asleep then found an emergency number. I called her uncle and took her to him.”

“Did you ever find out what happened to her?”

“Yeah I went to two of her college graduations. She’s a successful doctor. I’m very proud of her.”

“Look her up James ”

“Nah she wouldn’t remember me. Besides that was him. How am I going to explain this?” he pointed to his face.

“Do you think you’ll ever tell anyone?’

“I don’t know” he sighed “I don’t know.”


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

May 1, 2007

I have been in Wales for a while. It has helped quite a bit. While Lucas has his job as Succumb’s manager, I’ve been helping Jack at Torchwood. I don’t think I ever told you about how I met Jack. He was friends with Lucas when Lucas went to school. On July 4th Lucas came home and brought a friend. If you’ve ever met Jack he’s definitely one of a kind. He’s one of the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. He flirts with anyone! I have literally seen him flirt with a nun before. Talk about seeing someone blush it was precious. The lady was older but still when Jack was talking to her she looked like a young teenage school girl. That’s just Jack. His name alone is a pickup line. “Captain Jack Harkness” he says and that’s all she wrote. Lucas, Jake and I have to tell him to stop it because if he doesn’t he’ll just go up to anyone and do it. It’s hilarious at times. Anyway I hit it off with Jack and we’ve been best friends ever since.

June 12, 2007

I’m scared Schmitty like properly scared. I’ve not mentioned it but here recently there’s been these beings people are calling them ghosts. Anyway at certain times of the day they come out of nowhere and last for a few minutes. They walk around through the crowds and things. It’s been going on for a few weeks. At first people were scared but then they started accepting them. It seems like people believe that these are their dearly beloved coming back to see them. While I agree they do look humanish as far as their outline something in them just gives me the weebie jeebies. Jack’s had a weird feeling about them as well. Even Thing has been acting weird as well. It’s like it knows something is going to happen. It shook the jar around and I had to catch it before it fell off my desk. When I’m around I confiscate it much to Jack’s chagrin. Jack did some kind of test on me and told me I’m highly empathetic. I told him that’s not possible I can’t read people’s minds. He laughed and told me it’s where I’m in tune with my feelings and the things that are going around. I have a sixth sense if you will that’s why I get these vibes when something bad is going to happen. Oh my God Schmitty! One just walked through me. If I believed they were the dearly departed I’d say it was Matthew. It was so evil. I’m shaking right now it was so evil….OK I’m back I just barely made it to the bathroom without throwing up. That was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me and you know I’ve been in some scary situations! I told Jack and he immediately had me x-rayed and looked over. So far we’ve been trying to avoid it. He’s madder than a wet hornet though. He found out that Torchwood One, the main one in London, had been behind these ‘ghosts’. Yvonne Hartman oh man if you have ever met a more narcissistic woman I’d like to see her. She’s in charge of it. Her and Jack don’t get along at all and that’s saying something. Jack gets along with anyone. Yvonne said she doesn’t know what they are but she’s harnessing it so they can use it for the good of the British Empire. Yeah that’s how dumb she is. The British don’t have an empire any longer. Jack’s been trying to get a hold of The Doctor but so far no such luck. I just hope these ghosts disappear as quickly as they appeared and no one gets hurt. As always I hope you’re safe, happy, and loved.

Raindrop

June 30, 2007

Ya know what irony is? Celebrating the birth of your independence from the country you got it from while in that country! Ha! OK so technically it's Wales but that doesn’t matter. We’ve bought a grill and Wednesday Jack and I are going to celebrate our friendship and America’s 231st birthday. Finally something almost as old as Jack! Happy birthday America! Happy frienderversary Jack! Absolutely can’t imagine my life without you.

July 4, 2007

Oh Schmitty I’m so heartbroken. Not at all because of our BBQ but because there’s so much carnage. I just I’m so overwhelmed at the sadness. Jack had to doctor up some papers so that it was OK for me to work in a hospital over here. I had no desire to go back home and work. I wanted to be near a friend that understood what was going on. Things have just been horrible. Those ghosts I told you about? They turned out to be these things Jack called the Cybermen. Jack told me he heard vaguely about them in the 51st century and thought that doomsday, which is what he calls what happened, was just a myth or a legend. He had no idea it was actually real. He’s taking this extremely hard as well.

These ghosts, the Cybermen, killed so many people. Some of these were people I even knew for example as bad as she was Yvonne Hartman was one of them. The Cybermen aren’t the only ones involved. There were these things that look like robots R2D2 looking things. Jack said they were Daleks. He said that was what he was facing when he was killed the first time before he became immortal. He said The Doctor, Rose, and himself were fighting these things in the year 200,100 when he woke up and they were all turned to dust. He has no idea what actually happened just that now he can’t die. That’s one of the reasons he wants to see The Doctor. He wants to be changed back and find out what happened and why he was left there.

I went to some of the funerals for the people that were killed. It was so heartbreaking. Torchwood One was destroyed. I don’t know what they are going to do with the building now. Jack is having a really hard time because he got a list of the dead. There were three people on there that he knew quite well. Mickey Smith, Jackie Tyler, and Rose Tyler. The Doctor’s girlfriend is dead. I’ve known Jack for 20 years. I’ve never seen him this heartbroken. I didn’t even know them but I’m heartbroken for Jack and The Doctor.

I haven’t watched the news so I’m not sure what kind of chaotic nonsense they’re pulling to explain this but I’m sure it’s something else. I just hope they’re all gone. I don’t know what happened to have them disappear so quickly but I’m so glad they did but I’m so sad that it was at such a cost. I just hope John that wherever you are you are safe happy and loved. I also hope you didn’t lose anyone.

Love always

Liliana


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

James has been dragged from one nerve racking hair pulling tuxedo of doom event to another. He tried getting out of them but each time Renee always made him feel guilty about not going. When he looked at her he saw Reinette and felt guilty because he was too late to take her on the one trip she waited all of her life for. In a sense he felt like he was making it up to her.

He has been dating Renee for about 6 months. He doesn’t know if he’d really call it dating but more like he was her arm candy. Renee was a French history professor. James wasn’t surprised by that but was surprised that Cassandra was Renee’s younger sister. There was a set of twins as well, Sophia and Zoe. All the girls had blond hair and blue eyes. They were pretty and all knew it and used it to manipulate people. Truth was James was miserable yet he didn’t know how to get out of the situation he was in. There weren’t any redeeming qualities in any of the three.

The three women were socialites and had to be seen at the best parties. That meant that James got dragged around to all of these things. Renee didn’t like that he wore his trainers with his tuxedo and that quickly got squelched. She was trying to change him into her own little barbie doll. At first he didn’t mind because he liked being noticed and liked the attention but now he was feeling like he was someone he wasn’t. It was almost like he had gone through a regeneration.

James has met so many self-absorbed people he longed for the Asorbaloff to come about. He reminded himself that even though they were vapid, vile human beings they were still that humans. So he swallowed his pride and fixed his hair just right as to not get her started again. Truthfully he knew he was using Renee to fight the loneliness just like she was using him to have as arm candy. Her father even suggested the concept of marriage. James thought he lost his heart on that one. There was no way in the world he was going to marry Renee. He honestly didn’t know how much longer he could take even being seen with her. “Oh dawhling you’re wearing your hair wrong again! We’ve talked about this! This is an important function to be seen and you can’t go looking like you just stuck your hand in a light socket! What will people say? What will the Williams’ think? Come on lets fix your hair. Oh and the sideburns really Jimmy. Are you ever going to shave those nasty things off?” of all the things that Renee said and did calling him Jimmy made him the most mad. They’ve had arguments over it but she still insists on calling him Jimmy. God he couldn’t wait till the Tardis was ready. He was going to take off from this place and not look back. He asked the Tardis why she wasn’t ready. She told him it would be just a little while longer. She knew what his future held. If he just trusted her and held on he’d be fine. James sighed and laid his head against his pear tree when they had this discussion. He wondered what she was getting at. “Jimmy” the annoying fake shrill voice brought him out of his memory. “James my name is James ”

“Well anyway come over and lets meet the Luztes. They are a great couple. Their son is going to Stanford in the United States.” James smiled. He caught about half of that because he really didn’t care. He met with them and just like the rest they were as obnoxious as the rest. What I wouldn’t give for a Dalek invasion right about now.

James was at the party for a release of a new album by someone he cared less about. The music was soulless and mindless. It was the same three chords over and over with just a different tone and tempo. If he heard one song he heard them all. He saw an opening to a balcony. “Relief” he said to himself. He managed to walk away and look up at the stars. Orion was out tonight. “Oh that big hunter you” James smiled. He remembered when he took a trip to ancient Greece. He met Homer and they discussed Orion. He’d give anything to take a trip now. He’d be more than happy to even endure a Jackie Tyler slap right now because it meant he was dealing with real people. “Jimmy ” an overly sweet phony voice called to him. He cringed. “Sophia I’ve told you a million times not to call me Jimmy. My names is James. Actually I even prefer Doctor but not Jimmy .”

“Oh Jimmy as long as you’re riding my sister’s coat tails I’ll call you whatever I want.” This brought out The Oncoming Storm. 

“I am a” he started to spill his secret “a doctor of science. I am not nor have I ever been riding your sister’s coat tail. Sopheya” she didn’t like it when people called her that. “ My name is Sopheyea long I like in miles as in you would have to walk 500 to get home.”

“Yeah well as long as you insult me sunshine I’ll be sure to not remember that” he walked off and away from her. He was really about ready to start banging his head against the wall. Would loneliness be better than this? It would almost have to be because this is torture.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> were getting close to a reunion

Chapter Fifteen

October 21, 2007

So many things have changed in 20 years. The bar went to a car sales to a baker, to a drug store now it’s a clothing shop. I actually saw a man in there looking for something. He was an odd looking man wearing a vest and hat but the vest had question marks all over it. He was a sweet man from what I could tell. Jovial and funny and kind to me. He was looking for his friend he called Ace. When he found her she reminded me of me. She was very tomboyish and badass. She was funny. I would have liked to have spent more time with her but she was looking for the professor who I found out was the man in the question marks. He tipped his hat to me and bid me adieu and left. It was so weird but I had the strangest feeling I met him before. I don’t know why. I get that around some people.

Sadly Vicky’s Diner is completely gone now. There’s a church there now. I actually went in there and prayed that you are OK. Just a FYI this is notebook 246. Thank you Schmitty for being there for me in only the weirdest sense. I hope you are happy safe and loved. As always Raindrop

December 25, 2007

Saw something funny to day. This man in a pinstripe brown suit was arguing with I assume his fiance. She was running around in a wedding dress screaming something about pockets. She does have a point. I guess brides have all of that covered but what if you were like she was stuck. She had no phone and her car or something broke down before she could get to the church. She asked me for a tenner said she’d pay me back. I just smiled and told her not to worry about it. She yelled at the pinstripes man. He was actually very handsome from what I could see. If that is her fiance then boy good luck with that. Her screaming and harping would be enough to turn most men off. Well hope you have a merry Christmas Schmitty. There’s a giant star in the sky but based on past experiences something tells me this isn’t a normal star. Hope you have a great day! and oh my God I turned 40 today. I can’t believe that me 40? Time does fly

May Santa bring you everything

Liliana

March 18, 2007

I’ve been here a little over a year. I think though I’m ready for a change. I’m going to back to London permanently. There’s an opening At Royal Hope for an emergency doctor. While it’s way below my qualifications I’m not ready to do surgery again. Losing Mrs. Chesterton was just too hard for me. There was nothing I could do but seeing her body, seeing how we're the same age it rattled me. I will go back because I’m no quitter but there’s something about facing your own mortality that stirs things up a bit. As always hope you’re fine. Love always Raindrop

March 31, 2007

Oh London you never disappoint. I went to Royal Hope today and it disappeared. The building and everything was just gone! Literally it vanished like it was never there. A dark spot where it normally stood was just there. The crowd of people were shocked. No one knew what happened. The news of course said it was some kind of hallucination brought on by a chemical in the water. I seriously think they have some kind of stupid magic 8 ball that they shake to come up with these crazy theories. However a friend of mine a medical student named Martha she told me at her brother’s party tonight that they went to the moon. Her dad’s girlfriend, who’s about as bright as a burnt out light, of course said she was stupid and it was a hoax. That started a large fight and well I got out of dodge before I could hear the rest. I can’t take fighting. It upsets me. I know Martha. She’s a down to Earth girl. She wouldn’t lie about something like this. She said there were these space rhinos that were looking for this lady that was sucking the blood out of people to live. Once she described her I knew who the lady was. I admitted her into the hospital yesterday. She had a salt deficiency. So yeah I believe Martha. I’d believe her just about anyone. She’s a great student. We bonded in the cafeteria. I helped her with her school work. We’d have study sessions at her apartment. It kept me up to date on the latest things and helped her learn the parts of the body. She was so excited she got to go to the moon. Imagine being able to go to the moon!!! A girl can only dream. As always John I hope you are safe, happy and loved

Rd

May 6, 2007

Sometimes I hate being a doctor. Last night I had tickets to go see this professor claim he can reverse the aging process. I wanted to go just to see how many so called smart people fell for his trick. Martha’s sister Tish got me the tickets. She’s got a job working there and is doing really well for herself. Instead I get called in because of a massive pileup. Oh well I’m sure it was a joke anyway. Thankfully no one died on my end. To be honest I don’t know if I’d want to be younger. I see Jack and look at what he’s had to live through. I also know he’ll have to live longer and lose people he loves like me, Lucas, Jacob, Iantho, Gwen, Tosh all of us. No you can keep immortality Lazarus. I’ll just keep dying my hair.

June 17, 2008

My friend is gone. I’m crushed. I know it’s stupid like really stupid but I miss that hand. Jack promised me he’d take me with him when if The Doctor ever showed up. Apparently while I was out getting lunch the jar started acting even wilder than before. Gwen said Jack took it and ran like a bat out of hell with it. Jack’s the only one that knows or has met The Doctor. I was so hoping to get the chance. Thing and I kinda bonded. I told him all my corny jokes and hand puns. I’d always give it a high five. It’s not just Thing though it’s Jack’s gone as well. Finally maybe he can get the closure and answers he finally needs. I know as great as I think The Doctor is, Jack still harbored some resentment about being left behind and immortal. I hope he comes back soon. Things around here aren’t the same. Schmitty have you ever just had a bad feeling about someone? Everyone thinks I’m paranoid but this Harold Saxon person is just evil. I’ve looked into the eyes of evil Matthew Patrick was the most evil being to grace the planet. Raping his own daughter, prostituting her out everything I told you before but Harold Saxon for all his ‘charm’ and ‘magnetism’ he is evil. Saying his name makes my skin crawl yet to hear everyone tell it, he’s going to be the savior of the world. Schmitty I think the Antichrist is upon us.

Jun 30, 2008/9?

How come no one remembers? The calendar says its 2008 but it’s really 2009. I know because I’ve seen my entries in here. Jun 7, 2008 – the world is getting worse. Those Toclofane are wiping out the universe. Where are Jack and his precious Doctor? July 20, 2008 come home Jack I’m worried about you. August 23—Jake and Lucas are OK thank God but the rest of the world. It goes on for 12 months! Yet I looked and there’s no sign anywhere of anything happening. I know it happened John I know it! I remember like it was yesterday! I KNOW IT HAPPENED!!!! Maybe when or if Jack comes back he can answer some questions.

October 21, 2008

Well its 21 years now. Sadly I assume you have passed. I just hope things in your life are great. It’s taken this long for me to actually get Jack to open up. He said I was right. There is literally a year we lived that very few can remember. He called it the year that never was. He told me he’s made peace with his immortality and has made peace with the Time Lord. He wouldn’t go into details about the torment and torture he went through however I have heard him scream in the middle of the night from the terrors. My best friend has changed. He’s still giving the outward Jack but those of us that truly know him, know the difference. He told me that Martha was on The Valiant. The aircraft carrier at the heart of the problem as was her family. They were all tortured for the master’s-, Harold Saxon’s real name, glee. He said the reason no one remembers is because The Doctor reversed what happened. The people that died were alive again except for the president. However there’s some good news to come out. While Thing is back with his rightful owner, The Doctor, does have both hands. Jack explained it as regeneration. This Doctor didn’t look like the one he knew. On even better news Jackie, Mickey and Rose are not dead! They are living safe and sound in a parallel universe. To say my mind is blown right now is putting it mildly. Parallel universe? Imagine a world with another Jack! That would be something I’d love to see. Well Schmitty, until tomorrow I hope you are safe, loved and happy.

As always - L-

December 22, 2008

I met the most adorable man on my way to the grocery story. He asked me if was one of those folks going away because everyone’s scared of the aliens. “Nah’ I figured it’s my time to go it’s my time to go” I told him and smiled at him. He chuckled at me “that’s right sweetheart. I’m staying to for Queen and country!” and he saluted the Queen’s picture he had up on his newsstand. I smiled at him and said the same. It’s amazing how a five minute interaction can change your day. I was having a bad day until I met him. He put a smile on my face and made me feel like I had a grandpa for about five minutes. I never had a grandfather before. If that’s what it’s like I’m so sorry I missed out on that. I hope he’s right though and no aliens come. Not that I’ll be doing anything for Christmas but I really hope he doesn’t get hurt if they do show up. He was so pleasant and jovial. I don’t normally buy newspapers but I might make it a point to go down there each day and get a newspaper off of him. Hope you have a very merry Christmas

Love always

Rd


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

James was looking forward to the end of the semester. While he was still technically ‘dating’ Renee, he wasn’t being dragged every weekend to some party. He told her he was going to travel over the summer. She scoffed “on your salary? Dahling you’ll be lucky to make it to your driveway. Come with me we’re taking the family yacht out. It will be fun.” Being shot by a Dalek would be more fun. I should know I’ve been shot twice! James sighed he had the funds to go but he knew if he told Renee she’d insist on going and then it would be the Renee show like it always is anytime they do something he wants to do which so far has amounted to two times. He wasn’t in the mood for that.

Ever since he met Bernard and they started having their morning tea together James has made it a point to have tea with Bernard. Like Wilf he always gave the best advice. In fact he reminded him of Wilf a lot. One day while he was in Bernard’s office he was mindlessly spinning the globe while drinking his tea. “You know if you randomly stop it and put your finger on a spot that’s where you should go.”

“Yeah I know” he sighed. He was getting the itch to move. Actually for the past two months his hand, THE HAND, has been twitching like crazy. It was driving him insane. It felt like he wanted to hold something like he needed to find the hand that fits in it. That hand is gone. She’s with the other me he kept thinking to himself. It never did ease the twitching up though. Holding Renee’s hand was like holding a cold fish. In fact that made the twitching worse because he really wanted to let go of it. He checked it out at Torchwood everything was fine. It was just a freak of nature he’d have to get used to. He never thought to ask Jack what he did with the hand while he had it at Torchwood. He just figured it was kept in the jar and put on his desk.

When it got close to the semester ending James did as Bernard suggested. He plopped his finger down it landed in Scotland. “Of course it would” he sighed “the only place that would have been worse would have been Norway.” Deciding he needed to get a break he packed up his bags and after school was over he took train to Scotland. He never realized just how long normal travel was. He passed by the Torchwood estate. While he was glad to save the world from the evil werewolf, he couldn’t help but be angry because this is what started everything. Because of his showboating he forgot to keep up his Scottish accent so while Victoria was grateful, she didn’t trust him. Because of his actions Torchwood was founded which led to Canary Wharf which lead to a blank white wall of heartache which led to him. Even though it had been a couple years almost since he saw her he still missed his Rose and being in Scotland just made it that much worse.

James walked around the town for a while to get some fresh air. He made his way to a local bookstore. “Today a reading by famed novelist Raven Reynolds reading from her latest book ‘The Demon Hunters’.” Hmm why not? He walked in and saw a huge crowd gathered around. Most of the audience were female between 15 and 35. There were several men there as well. Raven as it turned out was a woman who moved from the Midwestern United States to Scotland with her husband Captain Nathan Reynolds and their 10 year old daughter Serenity. She dreamed of being a writer since she was little. The Q&A continued with James finding out she likes pigs and crocheting. She writes sci-fi books as a way of dealing with life. “Writing is an escape. When I write I get to be Jenna or Dani for those hours. I get to imagine I’m traveling across the world fighting things no one knows about with my sister listening to some kick ass music. That’s what I love about writing.” James was interested. Apparently Raven had a cult following after writing a book called “Captain, My Captain.” A sci-fi version of her husband Nathan Reynold’s life. Her big claim to fame came with her series about two sisters who hunt demons. The series, The Hunters, was on it’s 10th book with no end in sight. “Good for her” James smiled to himself as he sat down and listened to Raven read about the adventures of Jenna and Dani Ruger as they said goodbye to their father in order to save the world. 

James was so caught up in the story he didn’t realize he was shedding Donna tears. “Damn you Donna!’ he muttered to himself. He didn’t realize that he wasn’t the only one shedding manly tears. This is definitely something Rose and Donna would have loved to have read. “Spaceman you should do this” Donna’s shrill voice was encouraging him. James never thought he could be a writer. I’d be a great writer he smiled to himself. He laughed as he remembered meeting Charles Dickens, teaching Michael Jackson to moon walk and can’t forget he was the catalyst behind Elvis getting that guitar. Sadly his death is a fixed point in time he looked down sadden by what happened to the 11 year old boy he first met in Tupelo, Mississippi.

Before he knew it though he had every one of the books in the series in his hand. He smiled as he went to the mystery section and found his own copy of Death In The Clouds by Agatha Christie, the book inspired by the adventure with the wasp.

Jack’s words rang in his ears. “Look her up.” It had been nagging at him but he’s been ignoring it. He didn’t want to bother her. He figured she’d have kids and a husband now and he didn’t want to explain everything to her. “Oi Spaceman what’s the problem in checking her out?” Donna’s shrill voice reminded him. Truth was he liked Angel Rayne. She was good for him in his last body even though they only met the one time. That’s why he decided to go back for Rose. He met Angel and then when he met Rose she reminded him of her. She was feisty, spirited and fun. He thought about going to see Angel again and he did. He went to her college graduation both of them. He found out her real name was Liliana Patrick. She graduated top of her class. He was really proud of her. He didn’t want to disrupt her life. That’s when a nagging thought came back to him to go back to give Rose a second chance. He did and the rest was history. Now here he is so many years later. Was it actually time he met up with her again? He put that thought to the back of his mind. He wasn’t ready to deal with anyone else right now.

James learned that the Reynolds were really cool people. He had a nice dinner with them. However when he left, he knew he had made some great friends and he’d keep in touch with them. It was nice to have someone know him as James and not as ‘The Doctor’ even though he still felt like that was his true name.

With the next spin of the globe James landed in Tokyo Japan. Then he visited Cairo. He had fond memories of both places and remember meeting Cleopatra. She fancied him. He enjoyed the time with the locals and just like every place he went he made friends. When it came time for his trip to America, he really wanted to go to see if maybe he might stumble into Angel Rayne. He did invite Sarah Jane, Jack, and Luke with him. He spoke to Renee on occasion but she was mad because he forgot her birthday. Truthfully he didn’t ‘forget’ he just didn’t care. The first place they went to was the September 11th memorial site. Even though he wasn’t an American, heck he wasn’t even really from Earth, this site was a very humbling experience. It brought back memories of telling Rose he couldn’t do anything about it. September 11th was affixed point in history as well as the subsequent attacks that followed.

When they arrived it was July 4th weekend. “Oh yes! Hamburgers, hot dogs a party!” James was excited. Sarah Jane and Luke were the only ones to never experience a July 4th celebration. James was at the very first one. He’s the one that handed the pen to John Hancock. James made sure to stop in Chicago because he knew this was where Angel Rayne was last located per her Wikipedia page. Raindrop I hope you are ok. He smiled to himself. He was thinking about her more and more.

Sarah Jane followed James outside to stare at the stars. “I know we’ve had our differences. I know we’ve had our ups and downs but I’m really proud of how well you’ve adjusted.” She smiled at him. He squeezed her hand. “Thank you Sarah. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. Out of all of my friends you have been the biggest help.” He gave her a friendly embrace. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He wasn’t ready. He squeezed her tighter as he could see her timeline wasn’t much longer. “My Sarah Jane” he said softly.

James summer trip was winding down. Only had two more weeks before he would be going back to school. He went to the Culloden Battlefield. He had no idea what happened to his friend Jamie, the one he decided to name himself after, but he wanted to pay his respects. “Jamie I hope you’d be proud of me. You were a great companion. I’m so sorry your memories of your time with me got wiped away but we had some great times. I hope you had a long and prosperous life.”

James returned to his office and was greeted with a firm slap across the face. “How dare you leave me all summer! You said you were going to travel. You didn’t say you were going with someone! Who is this tart? I mean she’s older than you and a bit of a middle aged hag compared to me but really Jimmy really?” she showed him a picture of him and Sarah Jane together. “I thought you’d have more style than that if nothing else more class. Didn’t I teach you anything? I had your tuxedo dry cleaned by the way. Put it on we’re going to Chez Vous Lounge. We’re already running late.” Renee grabbed his hand and tried to drag him out of his office. That set The Oncoming Storm out. “One you don’t slap me! Two how dare you talk about my friends like that! Were you spying on me? Four no wait three she’s one of my oldest and dearest friends”

‘That’s for sure on the old part” she smirked.

“Five my name is not Jimmy ! It’s James ! Six how dare you go rummaging through my house! And number seven you go see Chef Herpes yourself because your days of bossing me are over!” he pushed her out the door and slammed it shut. “That was a long time coming Spaceman”

“Oi you shut up” James growled as he grabbed his things and headed home. He had to make sure the Tardis was just fine. A soft humming came through to him. He knew she was fine but also she sounded what was it excited? What’s going on ole girl? Well new ole girl? You sound happy. Are you happy I’m home? The Tardis just hummed but it was something different. It took a few minutes but James figured out that what she’s been waiting on has finally almost caught up to him. He could feel the timelines. He was almost to a fixed point in his timeline. Is something going to happen to me? She wouldn’t answer him. Am I going to die? She gave a strong hum to which James interpreted as no. Then she flashed him an image of a heart. What? He was confused. The Tardis just hummed a happy sound almost like a giddy school girl. What does this mean? He kept asking her but he was only getting the image of the heart. It was frustrating but he had to wait to see what played out.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

April 6, 2009

I have seen Cybermen, Daleks, Weevils, you name it but I saw the cutest little aliens. I swear I wanted to take them home with me. I wanted to keep one as a pet and just have it smile with that one single tooth and wave at me. They were just these little squishy white blobs but they were so adorable Schmitty. I haven’t been this fascinated by something since Thing was around. I miss Thing. I hope The Doctor’s taking good care of Thing.

June 1, 2009

Seems time is just whizzing by. I changed things up. I’ve done my school term this spring so it’s back to my real job. I never retired from surgery but I prefer teaching instead. Something about getting to help people and not be responsible for their life and death is very cathartic. However, a colleague, friend actually tells you they only trust you to operate on them what do you do? She has the same kind of cancer Elizabeth, Jake’s mom had. I just hope that she comes out of it as well as Elizabeth has. She’s doing great by the way. She’s so happy for Jacob. She brags to all of her neighbors, my son was voted the sexiest man in the world by People magazine. I laugh my head off at it because Jacob cringes at it. He is sexy I’ll give him that but man do I love to tease him about it. If you get People where you’re at he’s on the cover. He’s got shaggy blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, like yours.

July 11, 2009

Schmitty I retired. I’m literally sitting in my closet, my safe place as I’ve told you before in tears. This…this…this has been the most scary thing I’ve ever endured. Please don’t be disappointed in me. I just. I’m so tired of being the strong one. I’m so tired of being the one everyone looks to in a crisis. I’m so tired. I just wish for once someone was there for me. I wish someone would say its ok Lils let me help you carry the load. I still am having problems processing what happened.

November 8, 2011

I told you I had to do a colleagues surgery. She was on the table ready when what felt like a massive Earthquake hit. We took cover and held on as the Earth shook all around us. We held on to her and by the time the shaking stopped the power was out. The generators were out and we were literally in the dark. The dark wasn’t the problem. The problem was there was no oxygen getting to her. There was no oxygen getting anywhere. One by one my team started suffocating. I was trying not to panic. My adrenaline was keeping me going. We tried everything but the lights and the electricity were out. There was no oxygen anywhere. I couldn’t get ahold of Jack, Lucas or Jacob. I was about to panic. One last dash I went to see if we could find anything to help when I caught a glimpse of outside. John it was 2:30 pm yet it was so dark it might as well have been 2:30 am. I looked up into the sky and the sun was replaced by all these planets. I don’t mean Mars and Mercury I mean other planets. Normally I’d be excited but I had a patient on my table. I ran all over the hospital nothing. There was literally nothing I could do. I not only failed Liz I failed everyone in that hospital. Slowly I looked around and saw people passing out I went back to the operating room and saw my team on the floor gasping for breath. I thought all these years Torchwood would have prepared me for this but Jack’s right I’m not a soldier I’m a doctor and that day I stopped being that. When I woke up I was at Torchwood. Jack said I was out for a couple days. Apparently when I passed out I hit my head. I asked about Liz but I didn’t have to have an answer. She was gone. All these years Jack has known me he’s never seen me cry well not at anything important. Silly movies sweet stories yeah like a big baby things like this never. Jack started to tell me about what had happened. I was in my own painful world. I didn’t care. I looked at him and told him if this is what his world was like I was done. I literally walked out of Torchwood and away from Jack, away from my friends. I had reached my limit. That was July 2009. I had sent everyone a letter telling them I was fine. I needed some time to deal. I even stopped writing to you. I just needed a break from life. After Liz’s death I officially retired. I didn’t go back to teaching but I did go back to school. I learned how to be an architect. Through The Raindrop Foundation I’ve made several contacts. Together we have been fixing up houses for disabled vets and their families. That is what I have been doing since my last entry. But now I feel it calling me. I made amends with Jacob and Lucas. While I was away I went into some intense therapy. I am stronger than I was before and I just hope Jack accepts me back as his friend. Wish me luck John, I’m gonna need it. Love Always Lil

She looked at the calendar on her phone. The date was November 26. She took a deep breath and went down the corridor to Torchwood Three. She knocked on the door hoping Gwen would answer. Instead it was a new man. “Hi is Jack around?”

“Look lady Jack is in a” he started when Jack came up behind him.

“It’s ok Mickey let her in.”

“Mickey? Mickey Smith?”

“Yeah what about it?” he looked at her puzzled.

“Nothing…I’ve just heard so much about... It’s nice to meet you” Lilly smiled. She came in and her and Jack went to his office.

“How have you been?” Lilly asked shakily.

“We have been doing ok” Lilly knew about Tosh and Owen.

“Mickey works here now?”

“Yeah he and Martha have hit it off and work here sometimes.”

“I’m sorry Jack” Lilly said softly. “I never meant to hurt anyone especially you.”

“Lucas warned me you might come around.”

“Yeah I had to apologize to them as well.”

“Lilly we were worried about you! Here we just had a life changing even and you up and left us!” It was said with more venom than meant.

“I’ll…I’ll...I’ll just go. I don’t want to hurt anyone else…and you don’t need me. You have Martha.” She was getting the timid shy girl feeling again. She never wanted to hurt anyone. She’d rather be hurt than to hurt someone. She got up and went to the door. “Don’t do that”

“What?”

“Go back to being her”

“What do you mean?”

“When I first met you, you were a timid, shy, scared of her own shadow broken little girl” he opened his draw up and pulled out a bottle. “You remember this?” he pulled out a bottle of Maker’s Mark bourbon. “You still have that?” she asked surprised. He looked at the bottle. “January 8,1990 that’s the date this feisty, spirited, spunky, sassy young woman came charging up to me slammed the bottle on my desk and made me promise if I ever saw her cower and return to how I knew her just 18 months earlier to bring out this bottle and remind her of how far she’s come. She never told me what brought this sudden change on but for the first time I could see the woman she would become. Don’t go back to being her Liliana. The world is a much better place with my tiger mama in it.” He smiled at her and it was as if the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders. She hugged him tight and he held on to her. Even though she hurt everyone she loved they never stopped loving her. For once Lilly truly felt like she was whole. “Besides, I need my Princess Peach back in my life. I’ve missed you. I never realized how much I missed my big little sister” he laughed in her ear.

“I missed you too my crazy older little brother” she continued the joke they started many years ago.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they meet :)

Chapter Eighteen

School was back in session as James taught another batch of fresh faced first year students the joy of astronomy. He also couldn’t help but notice his hand was doing that annoying twitching again. It was OK during the summer and when he’s not at school but when he’s at school it drives him insane!

Wednesday was always banana nut muffin day. Bernard’s wife Gracie would make him a pan. James remembered the first time he met Gracie. He almost choked on his muffin. Who Bernard calls Gracie was to James Dr. Grace Holloway. His onetime companion back in his 8th body. She was only around to help save the world on new year’s eve but she was great and she was the first companion he ever kissed. That body was a romantic body. He sat down while Bernard was on the phone. “Oh that is so great! The students just love you!...We can’t wait to have you here on more than just the summer term.” Bernard hung up the phone the wheels in his head turning. “One of the best professors we’ve ever had is coming to do a course in the winter! Normally she’s only in the summer. I’ve been waiting patiently for you two to meet. She’s a great girl and I think she’d be good for you.” James could see the wheels spinning as he was about to bite into this delicious banana nut muffin. 

“Oh no Bernard I don’t need you playing cupid. I have enough on my plate.”

“I know I’m just saying Jamie you need a good girl in your life. You need someone to make you smile the way Gracie has me.” James smiled at him.

“I’m sure I will someday when the time is right.”

“Well let me say I’m so glad you dumped Renee. She was” Bernard sighed.

“I thought you liked her?”

“Like her? I can’t stand her. I only tolerate her because the donation they make helps keep our department going. Trust me you’re better off with Peaches.”

“Peaches? Her name is Peaches?” James tried to remember where he heard the name Peaches before.

“Oh” Bernard giggled “that’s just a nickname. You’ll meet her closer to Christmas. Oh I have to run. Gracie needs me to pick up something and run it by to her. I’ll see you later. Sorry for the short tea this morning.” James left and never got ‘Peaches’ real name, not that he really cared.

As he promised he would, James kept in touch with Raven and Nathan. He was particularly close to Nathan and shared a few drinks with him. Serenity just adored Uncle Jamie and loved that he read to her the Harry Potter books and did all the voices. Serenity got the pleasure of explaining why American’s celebrate thanksgiving to begin with. She was adorable in her little pilgrim hat that Raven crochet for her.

James could feel the love in the room yet at the same time he felt lonely. He wanted to have someone he could share holidays with. When you’re in the Tardis you get a sense of time lock. If you don’t want to be in 2011 how about 1911 or 2019 or the first thanksgiving? Now he was in a single time. The Tardis was fine. She was ready to go but she refused to leave. No matter how many threats he did with his mallet she wouldn’t budge. She actually did though perk up and make a small trip from London to Ealing to drop Sarah Jane off but immediately she went right back to her spot as a pear tree. “At least change into a banana tree or something.” She told him again when he wanted to leave he needed to be here. Something was going to happen and he needed to be here in this time stream because his time here wasn’t finished. When it was time to leave she’d take him anywhere he wanted to go. Then she sent him an image of women with her foot in a high heel. She put her foot down and there was no getting around it. Even though he was The Doctor, she was the Tardis and she was the boss. James smiled at the memory then decided to make a toast. “I just want to say I’m really grateful to have friends like you Raven, Nathan, Serenity. You have all shown me what it’s like to have a family and I appreciate it. To the first of hopefully many holidays to come” he toasted.

“Amen to that’ Nathan clanked his glass to James and they spent the rest of thanksgiving laughing, joking, eating and of course sleeping. Tryptophan poising hits a Time Lord just as bad as it hits a human.

December had rolled around and James had been working on a project with his students. They were learning about black holes and what caused them. It was a hard subject for James. Not because of the subject matter but because of remembering the time when him and Rose were dealing with the devil on that impossible planet. He trudged along with it though. The project was in the works but it need funding. Bernard suggest James throw a benefit, a black tie affair, for alumni and donors. James didn’t know the first thing about organizing such an event that was when there was a knock on his door. It opened immediately and James’ nightmare came true. “Hello dawwhling” her vapid, phony voice came out.

“What are you doing here?” he sighed.

“Is that any way to talk to someone that could single handedly fund all of your stupid pointless projects?”

“Look Cassandra I’m not”

“Oh Jimmy don’t be such a dud”

“My name is” he growled but she had moved on.

“I have been put in charge of organizing your event. I have the best chefs on standby. We’ll have jazz music and finally I’ll get to have you look like a real man and not like that." She waved her hand in disgust at him. "My stylist will do wonder with your hair and those sideburns will just have to go. I do need a list of students so I can pick out the beautiful ones to mingle and let the other ones work with the staff. I’ve scheduled it for The Passion Club for January 17. It’s a Thursday. They are in their busy season then but they were delighted to have us. Anyway come by Renee’s office today at 2 pm. We’re going to get you fitted properly for a suit. That tuxedo you wear needs to be put out of it’s misery. Ta ra!” she left and closed the door behind her. James threw his tea mug at the door and shattered it into a million pieces. The Oncoming Storm was brought out but then reality hit. She was right she could personally fund any project he needed. He also didn’t have a clue about setting up fundraisers. He was a Time Lord. He crashed parties he never set them up.

At lunch he was still fuming. His mind was a million miles away when he accidentally ran into someone. “Oh I’m so sorry” she looked up at him. His breath caught in his throat and if he didn’t know better he thought he heard the Tardis squeak like a little girl. His single heart raced. Her hair was blond not the blue, it was curly, not straight and her eyes were full of life now not devoid of happiness but he knew. All these years later she had grown up. Not only had she grown up but she was beautiful, absolutely beautiful no she was more than beautiful she was gorgeous! His mind blanked but at the same time raced as fast as his heart. He knew he should say something, anything but he was rendered speechless. This was what she was holding him back for! His Tardis was a feisty thing and sent him an image of someone clapping their hands. She was giving him a round of applause for figuring it out. “Oh it’s” he started then as the universe always does to him it implodes around him. “Jimmy! There you are” he cringed as Renee and Cassandra flanked him. “Oh Anna you’re back” Renee snickered but made sure she held on to James as tight as she could. 

“Oh you’re still here. Did daddy finally put you to work for your allowance?” she said smarmy.

“Jimmy here this is Anna. She’s an underwater basket weaving professor or something. One of those useless classes no one needs to know about.”

“Like French history where you claim to be a descendant of Madame De Pompadour yet have no clue that her two kids died long before they could ever become parents to anyone. Yeah you’re a great French history teacher.” James smirked, and smiled at her. That’s my girl! He didn’t mean to but he winked at her. Her face turned various shades of pink and he saw a small smile crept across her face. “Jimmy here is one of our science professors. He teaches astrology.” Astrology? Really are you that stupid?

“Yeah I bet he does” she grinned. She looked up at him and winked back. “Well Jimmy it’s nice to meet you but this Capricorn is starving and Saturn’s in my dominate house so I better leave before my metatarsal goes into Renee’s Uranus.” She smiled at Renee. James smiled his natural charming smile that literally sent Cleopatra to her knees once and watched her walk off. That’s my Raindrop. He smiled to himself. Even the twitching in his hand, which by now he had gotten used to and ignored, was getting worse. It was almost like it was begging, no pulling James away to go join up with her. All James wanted to do was shake those two leeches off him and run after her. “Ugh the nerve of that woman. I thought we were done with her.” Renee brought him back down to Earth. “They say she went crazy. Said there were all strange planets in the sky and the Earth was moved. As if that could really happen.” James looked at Renee. He learned a long time ago to never ask her hard questions like where she was when the battle of Canary Wharf hit. She was one of those that bought the drugged story. James right now as he’s being ushered off would rather be exterminated by a Dalek than to deal with these two.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if anyone is reading this please let me know. i appreciate it :)

Chapter Nineteen

“Bernard” Lilly plopped down in her seat. “Why do all the gorgeous men have to fall for the most vapid, soul sucking brain dead bimbos out there?”

“Are you calling Gracie a bimbo?” he chuckled at her. He knew that would get her to smile.

“Well there is an exception to every rule. You are of course the exception” he laughed at her. “How is Gracie by the way?”

“Oh she’s great. She’s happy to hear you’re back. She’s sending me a list of things to get because she’s got to make more banana nut muffins for tomorrow.”

“Oh I’ve missed her banana nut muffins but she doesn’t have to do that for me.”

“Are you kidding? If I didn’t have banana nut muffin Wednesday then my two best professors wouldn’t be fed in the morning.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh that reminds me! You haven’t met him.” Bernard’s smile was big. Lilly didn’t pay attention to the gears going around Bernard’s head.

“Met who?”

“Jamie, he’s taken over your place as the banana hog at tea”

“Oh” Lilly looked down. She was feeling sad. This has been a tradition with just her and Bernard for as long as she’s been teaching here. No one else was ever allowed at their tea parties. “Oh so you don’t…that’s fine. Tell Gracie I said hi” Lilly got up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Bernard asked confused.

“I’ve got some errands to run. I’ll see you around” she left before Bernard could say anything. She never dreamed she’d hurt Bernard enough to where he’d replace her as his tea friend. Lilly hated his tea but she’d endure it for Bernard. Now she sat in her office looking at her mug of Orion. She felt the tears prickle. She was going to miss his advice his friendship and even his God awful Earl Grey tea.

As James munched on one of Gracie’s famous banana nut muffins a flashback came to him. He was sitting at one of those all night greasy classic American dinners. Across from him was this timid girl with blue hair wig. He had just told her about a ‘dream’ he had about a place called Barcelona. “It was a fantastic place. They have dogs with no noses.” He laughed. He watched her start cackling and coming out of her shell. Then her eyes lit up. “How do they smell?” she asked.

“Terrible!” they said in unison which caused much more hysterical laughter and a few looks from some people. He could see her timeline was changing in front of him. He knew why the Tardis brought him here. When he first saw her, her timeline was fading. Her bright ultramarine blue timeline was changing colors and fading. Hers went from her normal ultramarine blue to a bright mauve when he sat down. That was his warning. Mauve was the color of danger. She was going to make a decision that needed to be changed. He didn’t know what was so important about this girl but he needed to reach to her before her timeline went black and faded away. He didn’t normally look at peoples timelines but hers screamed at him to look. He even looked at his own timeline and saw her ultramarine was intersecting with his Tardis blue way in the future. He was astonished because she never had a banana milkshake. He put a stop to that. “Bananas are good! I like bananas good source of potassium” that brought a smile to her face. “Fantastic” he beamed and she laughed. He noticed every time he said fantastic she smiled. He kept it up all night until he got her saying it. Then as the dawn came up he took her hand. It was soft and tender against his calloused palms. She squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. He led her to the hotel she was staying at. He had no intention he just wanted to make sure she was safe. She told him he was more than welcome to stay with her. He took her wig off her head and exposed her blond hair. “No sweetheart I’m fine. You get some sleep Raindrop.” She giggled when he called her that but closed her eyes and went to sleep. He was a battle warn soldier. His planet was gone. His hearts were broken. He was determined to run through his remaining regenerations because he didn’t want to live. He was tired of the nightmares the screaming in his head but once again he found himself on Earth helping the stupid apes once again. He kissed her forehead. For some reason even now he has no idea why but he took off his coat and laid it over her shoulders. It was then he noticed the marks on her arm. She had scars from attempts before. He wondered what could cause this sweet girl to go that far. He knew she needed help. He found a phone number in her purse. In case of emergency call John Patrick and left a number. He saw her real name, Liliana Patrick and she lived in Lexington, KY. He called John and found out he was her uncle. He said he had no way of getting her but he would see what he could do. James told him he’d bring Lilly to him. Five minutes later the Tardis landed in John’s backyard. John explained a little about her background, her mother abandoned her, her father was abusive towards her and would only have anything to do with her when it was to make him look good. John knew James was different but vowed to never say anything. He shook his hand and James walked away. When he was back on the Tardis, he set trek for Barcelona. He needed to have some fun yet when he landed he wasn’t greeted by dogs with no noses he was greeted by the pomp and circumstance that comes with a college graduation. “She’s graduated the top of her class.” James turned around and saw John. “She has worked so hard. She’ll be excited to know you’re here.”

“You can’t tell her”

“Why”

“It’s not time yet” James looked at the timelines,

“I...I never told anyone.”

“Thank you”

“But can I ask are you an angel?” James smiled.

“No far from it. I’m just The Doctor.”

“The Doctor?”

“Hello” he said cheerfully.

“Is that why she’s becoming a doctor? She told me she had a special reason.”

“She’s going to be a great doctor.”

“We’re very proud of her thank you again Doctor for bring her home to us. You literally saved her life.” James smiled at him and after making him promise to not say a word he left. When he left he was determined to go see dogs with no noses only to wind up a her second college graduation. She was just as beautiful then as she is now. A big smile came across his face at the memory. “Hello Earth to Jamie come in Jamie” Bernard waved his hand in James face.

“I’m sorry I just was having a memory of someone.”

“Must be a nice memory. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.” Even though he would vehemently deny it, James was actually blushing. “Who was she?” Bernard smiled.

“She’s…” James started and heard the door open. He turned around and saw her. “Her” he said softly. His smile couldn’t get any bigger if he tried. She had a big smile on her face. “Astro Boy is my replacement Bernard?”

“Basket Girl is who you were talking about?”

“You two have met?” Bernard asked smiling. He could see the chemistry between them. He was getting excited. His eyes danced back and forth between his two favorite professors.

“Not officially” James smiled. Well not that she’d know.

“Lilly this is my friend Dr. James Noble. Jamie this is my other friend. Dr. Liliana Patrick” Lilly grinned and took James’ outstretched hand. THAT hand. “It’s nice to meet you officially”

“Yeah you too. How’s the basket weaving” he chuckled.

“Well ya know Venus has entered into my house. Ya know how that goes” she laughed. Bernard just looked at them and smiled. “So you must be the banana muffin thief.” James couldn’t stop the idiotic grin on his face.

“Oh yes” he smiled “I like bananas. They’re a good source of potassium.” The color drained out of her face she looked at James. She looked like she saw a ghost. She remembers me…weelll him. “Yeah they sure are” she smiled at him. Sparks flew up his body and his hand stopped twitching for a moment like it was finally home. He could tell she felt the sparks by the blush on her face. “While you two get to know each other I’ll go put another kettle on” Bernard made his excuse to leave.

Lilly watched Bernard leave. Once the door was shut she turned to James. “I don’t mean to be rude but do you actually drink his tea?” James laughed and smiled at her. “No I make my own. Bernard is like a father to me but I can’t handle the tea. I’ll make your tea. See if you like it.”

“Thanks Astro Boy” Lilly laughed. James smiled. Donna would like you. I miss her calling me Spaceman.

“You’re welcome Basket Girl” she chuckled and started rubbing her hand. “What’s wrong with your hand?”

“Oh it’s driving me INSANE! There has to be something in this building. When I’m here it twitches and won’t stop. I’ve had it x-rayed, MRI, everything and nothing shows up. For some reason though when I’m here it feels like its wanting to pull me in some direction like I’m a puppet or something. Right now is the worst it's ever been. It's like magnetic or something.” It wants to go to you is what it wants to do. Lilly would never dream of telling him that. “Mine too! And its only when I’m here. Have you heard anyone else complain? Right now oh man it's driving me crazy. It won't stop twitching. I can't control it.”

“No and I’ve asked around. It’s driving me crazy! Sometimes it’s embarrassing. I feel like I’m Frankenstein and I’m going to get up and walk like a zombie or something” they laughed together as she stuck both arms out and waddled back and forth. "Oddly enough the only time it didn't twitch was when I shook your hand."

“I know what you mean here” he reached out and grabbed her hand. Normally Lilly would be put off by such a forward measure but something about his hands felt right. “I’m sorry that was rude of me. Sometimes I can be that rude and not ginger that’s me” he smiled charmingly at her. She giggled like a school girl. “That’s OK you rubbing it feels nice. The twitching is gone. Thanks Ginger” with that James laughed “it’s ok Blondie” Lilly smiled and looked at him studying him intently. “Have we met before? You seem so familiar.” Oh have we ever he thought to himself. "Like I've known you since I was a kid or something but that's not possible. First time I ever laid eyes on you was yesterday with Tweedle Dee and Tweedled Dum” her eyes got big. “I’m sorry I didn’t meant to talk about your girlfriends like that.”

“Hooo ooo ooo they are far from my girlfriends.”

“Sure about that? Renee, sure seemed to hang on to you like a cheap suit. Which by the way love the red chucks with the blue suit.” She noticed his outfit. She’s noticed my outfit. She’s been looking. Which reminded him of when Cassandra was in his mind. He knew how Rose felt about him in his previous body but Cassandra really sealed the deal for him. I’ve been inside your head. You’ve been looking. You like it. “Really?” James smiled at her. “Renee thinks it looks stupid.”  
“Renee also thinks she’s a descendant from royalty because her 10x great grandma was a bimbo and slept with the King of France. However her so called grandma didn’t have kids last long enough to have kids so she’s a fruit cake to be nice. She also thinks there’s a class about underwater basket weaving. Sorry she’s not my biggest fan. I shouldn’t bad mouth a fellow professor to another professor.”

“So what do you teach?”

“Guess” she grinned

“Oh you are challenging me Dr. Patrick” he smiled. He pulled out his phone. “Ok Google pull up information on a Lilly Patrick”

“Hey that’s cheating” she confiscated his phone. He laughed at her as she held it over his head. He reached in and tickled her and she dropped it in his hands. “You play dirty” she laughed. Then the timer on her phone went off. She was bummed James could see the sadness come back to her face. She was enjoying this as much as he was. “Do you have tea with Bernard every morning?”

“Yeah I do actually”

“Good can you make my tea tomorrow? I have to teach Holding Your Breath Underwater 101”

“I’ll be glad to” he smiled at her. She smiled and reached over for the last muffin. She split it in two and shoved his half in his mouth. “There’s your good source of potassium banana boy” she turned to leave. “And thank you for rubbing my hand. It feels a lot better.”

“You’re welcome Basket Girl anytime.” He winked at her. Lilly giggled like a teenager. When Lilly left she had a spring in her step. She was so glad Bernard called her and told her she was welcome at tea anytime and to please come back tomorrow.

James sat there smiling like a Cheshire cat. Even though it was many years ago and in a different body it was like they never stopped being friends. He couldn’t wait to see her again. “I told you she was great” James jumped as Bernard stood in the doorway.

“Yeah…yeah she is”

“Her office is actually across from yours.”

“Really?” James let out a manly squeak.

“That’s her mug. You uh might want to take her some tea.” James got the hint. He grabbed the mug with Orion on it and made Lilly his English Breakfast/Earl Grey tea. He knocked on her door. “Open sesame” she yelled as she was rummaging through papers. She found the poster she wanted. “I’ll be with you in a second” her back was to him. She stood up and put one foot on the chair and the other on her desk. “I have multiple PhDs, doctorates and countless awards but not enough brains to bring a ladder” she muttered. James watched, and if he was being honest with himself, enjoyed the view as she did her best Spiderman act and crawled on the filing cabinet. He noticed how her shirt rode up and he got to see her nice jeans with the flowers on the side and the back. He was enjoying her shirt being rolled up. “Spaceman!” Donna growled in his head but he couldn’t help the human side coming out. “Oh be careful love” it just came out. He couldn’t believe he said such a term of endearment. She turned and saw it was him. “I’m OK dumpling but thank you.” She hung up her poster and sat on the cabinet. “I can climb up no problem but getting down my knees laugh at me. Could you help me?” There’s nothing in the world I’d rather do than help you. He smiled at her and walked over. She put her hands on his shoulders and jumped down. She looked up at him for a few seconds. “Thank you Jamie. ” When she smiled at him he forgot what he was even doing there. “Can I help you?” she finally asked.

“Oh right sorry” he bumbled nervously. He scratched the back of his head and twitched his ear. The nervous ticks this body had. “Bernard told me this is your mug and that since my office is right there I could bring you some tea.”

“Your tea or Bernards’ tea”

“My tea” he smiled and handed her the cup. She took a sip. Then another and another. “I will bring you a banana every day if you make my tea for me” he chuckled nervously. He had been around women all the time but Lilly made him nervous. He was feeling protective over her almost… Then he shook that thought out of his head. Gallifrey is gone. There are no such things as bondmates any longer. “Where’s your cup?”

“Oh” he smiled “I uh yesterday after dealing with Cassandra I sort of used it as a baseball and threw it at the door.” He admitted while nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“Isn’t that the best stress relief” she smiled. He thought Rose had a great smile. Nothing is as big and great as Lilly's. 

“Yeah it is actually” he chuckled. He was still bumbling around. He was shaking his hand out. The twitching had started back in full force. “Here” she took his hand. “Sorry it was driving me nuts” she started rubbing the hand. “Thank you Jamie for my tea” she said kindly. Her rubbing his hand was something James didn't know he really needed. It felt so nice, gentle and tender. He wanted her to keep it up. “You’re so welcome sweetheart.” God he wanted to kiss her. What in the world is wrong with you Theta? Get it together! He squeezed her fingers gently as she rubbed his hand. She smiled and squeezed them back. They were in their own little world together smiling like a couple of idiots. "I hope this is relaxing to you as it is to me." She admitted softly. 

"You can rub my hand anytime love" he admitted and then his face turned pink at the term of endearment again. He looked into her eyes and almost couldn't stop himself from leaning down to kiss her. He knew it was way to early and way too unprofessional so for once when the world came crashing down it was a good thing. Even though he hated it. 

The shrill, obnoxious, high pitch voice of Renee was standing in her office. “What's going on here?" Lilly dropped James hand and blushed. "I have been looking everywhere for you. Chef Herme is wanting to discuss what to have for dinner.” Renee came over and took his hand specifically that Lilly was rubbing. She gave Lilly a look of death and led him out the door. James turned and looked sadly at Lilly. I’m so sorry Raindrop. She gave a gentle wave and waved back like he was being led to the guillotine. His heart felt like it. He wanted to spend more time with her. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time. He hasn’t felt this way since he would get impatient because Rose had to sleep and he wanted her up so they could go on adventures and he could hold her hand. That’s when he looked at his timeline. His Tardis blue was now intersected with ultramarine blue. Now was the time they were supposed to together. Now if only Dalek Renee would leave us alone.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Lilly always took her notebook with her. She didn’t have a set time of day she wrote to John just whenever the mood hit her or when things got sad or happy for her. After James left she was overwhelmed with feelings. She sat at her desk and took a deep breath. She took out her favorite blue pen and began writing.

December 12, 2011

Hey you,

Its 10 am here but already my day has been made and destroyed. I met the most gorgeous man yesterday by sheer accident and today we had tea again by accident. I’m not sure but I think he was even flirting with me. The crazy part? I was flirting back. Me! I never flirt. I have no idea how to flirt but it was happening. Unfortunately though Cassandra and Renee have to ruin it. They are hanging all over him like two cats in heat. He said they’re not his girlfriends but the way she came in and just yanked him around I’m not so sure. I don’t know what he sees in her to keep that up. Maybe...maybe…maybe he’s not so great as my head thinks he is. Now I’m sad. Maybe if I talk to Jack it will help. Maybe Martha can help no she’s got her hands full with Mickey. I just maybe I was a little excited that someone was paying attention me. Now I’m sad. Well of course but two weeks from now it’s Christmas so it’s time for the depression to kick in I guess. Joy joy joy but his yes John, he's got the prettiest brown eyes. I could seriously get lost in them. God I sound like a school girl. He was probably being nice. He's probably a big flirt and does that with all of the girls. I just was probably the lucky one today. You have no idea how much he reminds me of you though. Not that you were flirting with me but something about him. The easiness of being able to talk to him. I feel like I could talk to him about anything and it wouldn't matter. I've never had that with anyone not even my boys. Now I'm really sad because it was probably all an act. Why does the world do this to me? Am I not allowed to have someone like ME? I know the answer is no but it was nice feeling like I mattered to someone. Anyway I can feel the depression kicking in. I love you Schmitty well in a friends way of course. As always, Raindrop

Across the hall James was in another world the whole time Renee was wittering on. He couldn’t stop thinking about the sad look on Lilly’s face when he left. The way her hand felt in his. It was perfect. The way the twitching stopped when she touched it. The way it felt so familiar like she's been a part of his life forever. There was definitely something special about Liliana Patrick. He knew it all those years ago and it's just been confirmed. They were laughing and having a good time just before but then it was gone. He wanted to tell Renee to shut up. His 9th self, the one Lilly knew, would have told her by now. He wanted to see her again. He was going to at lunch. He would shake off these leeches one way or the other. He had a new mission. He was going to spend as much time as he could with his basket girl. 

Lunch came and he was excited. He was going to see her. He went to her office. The light was out and the door was locked. He went the café looked everywhere she wasn’t there. He went to Bernard’s office she wasn’t there but he got some information. “Lilly, Cassandra, and Renee do not like each other at all. I don’t know if there was a man involved or what but if Cassandra or Renee are around, you won’t find Lilly.” James’ heart broke. Bernard could see the evidence on his face. “Lilly thinks you’re dating one of them. She’s a good girl. She will not go after someone else’ man no matter how hot she thinks you are.” James blushed and got a silly grin on his face. “Did she tell you that?”

“I’ve known Lilly for many years. She doesn’t have to tell me when she thinks someone is hot. I know by the way she acts. You sir are right up there with Elvis and the guy that plays Thor. Those are her two main crushes. You need to talk to her and tell her what’s going on.”

“But Bernard she’s planning this party. She has to be around. Without her donors there’s no way I’d ever raise enough money on my own.” 

"Talk to Lilly James, I think you'll find out your girlfriend has a few tricks up her sleeve as well." James couldn't help but smile at the title of Lilly being his 'girlfriend.'

"You think she'd understand?"

"If I know our girl, she'll do more than understand." James smiled and walked back to his office eating a banana. She thinks I’m hot. I guess I still got it. He reached his office and looked over. Her office was still closed. He kept the door open on his end because every five minutes he would look out and see if she was there. After two hours of this he gave up and went home.

James was so disappointed as he sat in Bernard’s office. Bernard told him Lilly wasn’t coming in. He sighed and went back to his office. His heart wasn’t in it today. His students got a free day. He walked home from the bus stop deep in thought. He went to the Tardis and she allowed him one trip to Cardiff to see Jack. “Hey long time no see boss” Mickey greeted him. James tried to keep up the jovial face but Mickey saw right through it. Since Rose is no longer in the picture for either of them, Mickey the idiot became one of James’ dearest friends. “Talk to her mate.”

“I will if I can ever see her again.”

“Go to her house”

“Yeah that doesn’t scream stalking.”

“Is this project really that important?”

“Yeah it is actually. When did money get to be so important?” he asked seriously. Mickey just chuckled at him.

“Welcome to the real world mate.”

“Mickey I’m going to tell you something but please don’t tell anyone” once Mickey agreed James told him about that one night in America. “So now our timelines are converging. I just don’t want to blow it.”

“Go back and tell Bernard you need him to get her to talk to you. Then explain to her what’s going on. She may be able to help you.”

“Maybe”

“See I’m not such an idiot after all” he lightened the mood.

“Ricky you’ll always be an idiot” James chuckled at him.

“Touché Jimmy” they playfully roughhoused. When James went to bed that night he felt a little better.

When Lilly woke up the next morning, she got a text from Bernard. You better be here today. I can’t have my two best professors out again today. He needs to talk to you please talk to him. It would mean the world to us both.

What do you mean? What happened?  
When you didn’t come in yesterday James left and went home. Seems someone likes your company.

What? Are you serious? He…he left because I wasn’t there?

Yes he did. I offered to give him your address so he could come and talk to you but he didn’t want to seem like a stalker.

He likes me?

Oh Lilly you have no idea 😉 just come on in today ok? I think the world might implode if you don’t come in today.

Lilly’s heart was a lot lighter. “He likes me…he really likes me…ok that sounded like Sally Field’s Oscar speech.” She giggled as she got out of bed. She shot Jack a text and asked him to do her a favor. He obliged and while she was in the shower he sent her the information that she needed. Lilly smiled a giddy smile as she combed her hair and brushed her teeth. She put on her leather jacket and laced up her Nikes. “Ok Princess lets do this!” she walked out of her house with her Capricorn streak in full stride.

At the school James sat down in front of Bernard. He was nervous and anxious. He didn’t even eat a banana today which Bernard knew wasn’t right. He might be an old man but he knew love when he saw it and what James had on his face was love and fear. He was afraid that his opportunity had passed him by. He had to give him some hope. “She’ll be here today and if I know our girl she’ll be here with bells on.”

“Is she mad at me?”

“No I think she’s confused.”

“Why?”

“She likes you a lot I can tell. Just as much as you like her.” James couldn’t help but grin. “I think the issue is she doesn’t know how to handle you and Renee. On one hand she wants to be the good girl and let you make your decision and on the other hand she wants to rip her throat out and tear her paws off of you. One thing about Lilly she’s feisty especially around those that she loves. There’s a reason her friends call her their tiger mama. She’d do anything in the world for them. She calls them her cubs and I think I’m pretty sure she has a favorite new cub. Just tell her the truth about what’s going on. She might be able to help you.”

“Thanks I will. But you know for sure she’s coming in?”

“If I know my girl she’ll be here any second” Bernard smiled.

James was getting excited. He heard the door open and turned hoping to see a certain blond standing there. His heart sank when it was a completely different blond. “Good morning dawwhlings” James slumped in his chair. I’m doomed. This was not going to be good.

“Cassandra” Bernard growled.

“Watch the tone Bernard. Do I need to remind you who pays your salary?” James head was down and was about to just leave.

“That would be the students tuition,” his head perked up and he smiled big as he saw who responded. She was standing there in the door way with his jacket on and her arms crossed. She put him in the mind of him in his previous body when he wasn’t going to take prisoners. Bernard was right she’s on a feisty streak. Rassilon she looks good. He also noticed the tiny blue bag she was carrying. He smiled as he watched her give Cassandra the business. “The athletic department, the fans, and The Copper Foundation as well as many other foundations. Now you heard the man Cassie you are not invited to this staff meeting. If you would like Tommy in security would be more than willing to escort you out. Run back home little princess” Lilly got in front of her and pushed her out then closed the door and locked it. "YES! I finally got to use that line" Lilly laughed. "Sorry it's what Laufey said to Thor in the movie and I've been dying to use it." She turned around to a very stunned, but extremely proud Bernard and a bright smiling James. “Now then shall we begin this faculty meeting?” she smiled at them. James for the first time in his life knew what it felt like when he as The Doctor came in and saved the day. It was on a small scale of course but this was so worth it. “THAT’S MY PRINCESS!” Bernard laughed and came around and gave her a great big hug. She laughed into his shoulder. James stood there not sure what exactly to do. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to do more than that with her, but he didn’t want to scare her. Finally Bernard let go and she handed James the blue bag. “Here you go Astro Boy” she smiled at him. He opened it up and pulled out a blue box. He opened the box and inside was a mug. It had the zodiac symbols all over it. James started laughing hysterically. Then he read the note to replace the one that should have went to Renee’s head. Love always your favorite Capricorn. He laughed and gave her a huge hug. He didn’t let go for a few minutes not that she was complaining either. “Thank you I appreciate it so much.”

“You’re welcome” she smiled at him. “So I’ve been thinking a lot on my personal day and donor or not Cassandra has way to much clout over everyone. She throws it around like it should be named the Cassandra institute for middle age hags which brings me to my point. While I was off my Capricorn side kicked in. Astro Boy can explain it” she smiled at James. “Anyway I just so happen to have a friend who’s good with computers. He actually looked it up and guess what chicken butt. Miss I pay your salary doesn’t even donate enough to pay for Bernard’s tea. So the next time she throws that around there you go. Ok staff meeting adjourned. I want some cookies.” She turned and left.

James sat there stunned but as bad as he didn’t want to admit it he was turned on. Rassilon Theta get it together! “What the hell are you doing boy go after her!” Bernard all but threw him out of his chair. He ran out the room and watched as Lilly feisty sashayed down the hall way. He stopped and watched her hips sway for a few seconds. Lilly was maybe halfway down the hall. “Lilly wait” she turned and looked at him. She smiled as she saw him coming up to her. “My first class is cancelled can we go someplace and talk?” James looked at her hopingly. “What did you do to my sister?” Renee came charging up to her. Lilly looked at her with disdain. “Back off Renee! The adults are talking. Yes James I’d love to go out with you.” She winked and took his hand and they barreled through Renee’s empty threats. “I’ll have you both fired you know!”

“Go for it sunshine if you think you can” Lilly shouted back behind her. Renee kept it up. She kept following them. Finally Lilly looked at James and squeezed his hand. “Let’s ditch this popsicle stand” and she tugged his hand and they ran to the nearest elevator and as the elevator closed on Renee’s face Lilly waved goodbye.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

When they got outside they looked at each other and laughed. “Basket Girl you need to let your Capricorn side come out more often.” Lilly blushed. He noticed however she never let go of his hand and he wasn’t about to let go himself. They walked a couple blocks to a coffee shop. James ordered the teas and some banana nut muffins. He couldn’t help but notice the smile when he sat down. Lilly took a sip. “I don’t know what you did but this still isn’t as good as yesterday’s. You must just make yours with extra special love.”

“That’s what it is” he laughed. There was an awkward silence. “Lilly”

“James” they said together. They chuckled nervously. “You first” Lilly pointed at him.

“I have this project we’ve been working on. It needs funding. That’s why Renee and Cassandra are all over me. I have no idea how to fund raise. That’s why Renee’s all over me. I admit I used to date her but that’s been over for ages I just…”  
“So you’re using them.”

“What? No…well I … I never thought of it like that.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because…because I enjoy your company. Bernard told me the three of you don’t get along. I just I don’t want you thinking I’d rather spend time with them. I’m just doing this so their donors will come and we can get what we need.”

“I appreciate you telling me. Now I’m going to be honest with you because you’re my friend. What are you going to do when the next project needs funding? You’re going to be forever in their debt. Sweetheart they’ll get a hold of you and clip and cut and tug everything away until you’re their little puppet. Then where would you be? They’re already trying to style you up.” She pointed to his cheeks. 

“What do you mean?”

“I noticed the sideburns are gone.” Lilly blushed because she had noticed. James smiled but she was right. Renee got a hold of him the other day and shaved them off herself. She was trying to worm her way back into his good graces. One of the things she did whenever they were together was to shave his face for him. It was an intimate moment between them when they were dating. This time however it didn't work. “Jamie I mean this with all due respect get a backbone.” That was a first. Here he was a Time Lord and this human was telling him to get a backbone. It sort of made him mad. How dare she, a merely human, tell him a mighty Time Lord to get a backbone. If she only knew what he did before he got stuck here. He had a retort to come back but then he scratched his cheek and realized she was right. “Those girls are after you not just because you’re gorgeous but they are sharks. They can smell blood and any sort of weakness they will pounce.”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” he smiled at her. He saw her face turn five shades of red. He chuckled at her. 

“That’s what you choose to focus on?” she looked at him. He just smiled and winked at her. She turned even redder and looked down. Her shyness was so endearing to him. “What do I do?”

“For starters you tell them no. Then you’ll feel better. You’re young at this.” I’m really not that young Lils. “You don’t need Chef Herpaderp to cater. You have a whole college that can help! You also have a friend that will help you and show you what to do. Even more than that you have a friend that even when you don’t believe in yourself she believes in you.” James looked down. He was not about to let his Donna side come out in front of her. “It’s ok James . You are human. Let it out. You’ve been holding it in for so long it’s OK to let it out. Believe me I know.” He blinked a few times trying to get the tears to go away. “It’s funny”

“What is?”.

“A long time ago I sat in a dinner with someone I barely knew and he gave me this exact same speech. Actually” she opened up her pocket and took out an old piece of paper. “He gave me this. It’s Russian but translates to”

“No matter where you are when you think no one believes in you just remember I do.” She still has this?

“You speak Russian?” Lilly asked him surprised. Oh sweetheart if you only knew. I speak 5 billion languages. “Yeah I do” he smiled at her. He saw her face light up and for the next ten minutes they had a conversation in Russian. He found out that she knows several different languages but Russian is her favorite. He found out that his old coat and that letter were her most prized possessions. She keeps that letter on her at all times. He found out how much of a difference that one little night made in her life. At that moment he realized the Tardis takes him where he needs to be the most. He was a mighty Time Lord but this sweet human humbled him to his core. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“No I don’t” she looked down. “I’ve wondered so many times all these years. I wonder if he’s ok. If he’s happy hell at this point if he’s still alive. It’s funny how one little encounter can make such a difference in someone’s life.” She looked at him. “I never even told my oldest and dearest friends that story.”

“What do you think happened to him?”

“I don’t know. I’m hoping he’s got a family and is healthy and happy but” she sighed “I just don’t know. It’s so stupid” she looked up. He could see the tears in her eyes. “For the longest time when I’d hear a British man talk I’d run to see if it was him. Of course it never was but…” she cleared her throat “sorry I don’t mean to.”

“No it’s ok Lilly it’s ok.” he smiled at his little raindrop. She had no idea her biggest wish came true. “I can guarantee if he could see you now he’d be so proud of the lady you have become.” She smiled at him but her eyes were on the table. He saw a little tear down her cheek.

“I always said if I could go back in time there’s two things I’d do.”

“What’s that?” She just giggled and shook her head.

“I’d go see Elvis in concert” James smiled at her “and I’d go back and tell him thank you. I’d tell him how much of a difference he made in my life. He … he looked like he lost his best friend. He looked so sad Jamie it broke my heart all I wanted to do was just hold him and tell him everything would be OK but I was just a screwed up 19 year old kid. I just…I’d just want to give him hope. The same hope he gave me. Just tell him somehow someway things in his life would get better no matter what was going on just keep the faith and things will work out.” She realized she was getting too deep. “Sorry” she apologized and wiped her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about that for so long. I … I still can’t believe I even told you about him. Anyway how about some more banana nut bread huh” she smiled and got up and went to the counter. James watched her walk away. Oh my Angel Rayne you have no idea how much you helped me. It was because of you I gave Rose a second chance. She reminded me of you so much. Her spirit her feistiness. It was like having you with me only it was Rose. Together both of you healed me in ways you have no idea about. He smiled as he watched her come back with more banana nut bread. Somethings my Raindrop never change.

The two friends sat in that little coffee shop much like they did all those years ago. James wanted to tell her so badly but he was utterly terrified that she would leave if she knew. So with every laugh he grew closer to her. With every smile his heart raced. He had faced Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti, Zygons and not to be outdone Jackie Tyler. However none of them scared him as bad as losing Lilly.

He held her hand as they walked out of the coffee shop. It was absolutely freezing and James had no coat. “Come on Astro Boy we are getting you a coat.”

“Lilly I’m fine! I have one back at work.”

“Yeah well I don’t want you getting the flu. Come on Ginger we’re going shopping.” He smiled at her. He loved the nicknames she came up with for him. Even though his hair was a chestnut brown she called him Ginger because of his ‘rude and not ginger’ crack. She dragged him to this shop. Honestly he was freezing but if getting a coat meant he got to spend that much more time with her he’d not like any of them so he could stay longer. They looked around. “I remember this one time I went to this car dealership. Oh my God James I felt so sorry for the man. He literally looked like a clown. He had stripes and checks mixed but the colors oh my God I think a rainbow threw up on him. He had the curliest blond hair. He was a bit full of himself but I guess would have to be to pull that look off.” James about lost his heart. He didn’t know who she was at the time but he remembered meeting her in his 6th body. Then another time in his 4th. He remembered offering her a jelly baby. She’s been in his life all three times and he never knew it. “Oh I have found it! Yes this is definitely you!” she pulled out a trench coat. His heart sunk. He would know that coat anywhere. “I have no idea why but this screams at me that it’s you! And the tan goes great with your blue suit. Come on try it on try it on” she was getting excited. He put it on and it was like wearing an old shirt. He put his hands in the pockets and realized this coat was left here for a reason. The pockets weren’t like standard Earth pockets. They were bigger on the inside. He felt a piece of paper in the pocket. He took it out and saw the note written in Gallifreyan. I found the coat Theta. Right after Janis gave me another one. “Yes I was right! That look is you!” she got excited like a little girl. “Yes the geek chic professor look is complete. It was almost like it was put here just for you. Sorry cheesy I know but I believe everything happens for a reason. Come on Astro Boy my treat.” She smiled a big smile at him. She fixed the collar on him and looked up at him. She looked into his eyes. He wanted her to see so badly but it wasn’t the right time and dear God did he want to kiss the life out of her. “Jamie” she said softly.

“Yeah” he said just as softly.

“Don’t ever let anyone change you.”

“Ok” he said softly. She reached up and kissed his cheek. He smiled at her and they headed back to work. He touched the spot where she kissed him. He couldn’t help but have a cheesy smile on his face. He almost giggled but that would be unbecomingly of a Time Lord. I got my coat, my Tardis, and the girl. Everything’s coming up Doctor.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two  
December 24, 2011  
Schmitty I’m scared. For the past couple weeks James and I have hung out for tea, lunch, after work. I’m scared because I think I’m falling in love with him. What scares me is I feel like there’s something he has to tell me but doesn’t know how too. He reminds me of you so much. I’m so proud of him. He’s turned away Renee and Cassandra. He’s having the event moved to our observatory. He’s got the kids in culinary school catering it. The art kids decorating and the fashion designer kids are making us outfits. He’s talked me into letting them make me a dress. I told him I don’t wear dresses but somehow he talked me into wearing one. Honestly if he told me to walk across hot coals I would and that’s what scares me. I’ve sat in a couple of lectures and he’s made me fall in love with the stars again. He’s in Scotland for Christmas tomorrow. But in all honesty I miss him now. How do you tell someone you love them and you work with aliens? I mean that’s a big part of my life. I just…I wish I had you to tell me what to tell him. Anyway if you’re around I hope you have a happy Christmas.  
*-*RD*-*  
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Tardis. A Time Lord was stirring he needed to speak to Harkness. His heart was going crazy he needed advice. The Tardis was sending him comfort but the uncertainty was still there. He pulled the lever just wanting to go somewhere. Where he landed was no surprise. As the Tardis landed at sunrise.  
“Hey boss”  
“Mickey its Christmas eve what are you doing here?”  
“Martha got called in”  
“Is Jack around?”  
“Hey there handsome” he heard the familiar American accent. James looked at him and Jack started laughing. “What?” Jack couldn’t stop.  
“What? What is it?”  
“Break out the best booze boys our Time Lord is in love!”  
“What?” James tried to act innocent.  
“I know that look you are head over heels in love with someone. What’s wrong?” Jack looked at him.  
“Nothing’s wrong Jack it’s just…how do I tell her?”  
“Well usually you get alone and set a romantic dinner and say I love you.”  
“Not that! How do I tell her about ME?”  
“Do you want to tell her?’  
“Yes.. .no…I don’t know. What if she runs away? What if she thinks I’m crazy?”  
“What if she admits she’s in love with you too? Doctor you're the smartest person I know. Give her a little credit. If she gets spooked give her some time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”  
“Actually what happened in Rome was…” James went on one of his diatribes he’s famous for.  
James Christmas trip to Scotland both helped and made things worse. Even sweet Serenity knew something was up with Uncle J. “She seems like a great lady just tell her how you feel” was Raven’s advice. “There’s…there’s just so much history and baggage. I don’t want to dump on her.”  
“I wish you would have brought her I’d like to meet her.  
“I didn’t want to impose.”  
“Impose? James we live in a Scottish mansion. There are rooms I never have even been in. It wouldn’t have been an imposition.” James smiled he wished he would have too. He’s been up here a couple days already (minus the tiny trip in the Tardis). And he misses his Basket Girl. “You know, it’s only 10 am here. She might be able to come up here if you call. Raven and I would love to have her and we wouldn’t mind going to get her.” Nathan handed him his phone. “Call her James.” James dialed and hung up at least 10 times. Before he knew it Serenity was taking matters into her own hands. “Uh yes is this Basket Girl?”  
“Serenity!” James freaked. “Give me that!” he reached for her. She laughed and ran around talking to Lilly. “Uh yeah my Uncle James is here and we’d like you to come here as well. My mom and dad said it was OK and they would even come and get you…yeah. I know it’s Christmas Eve…11…I like math…oh I love Harry Potter!...Wonder Woman she is awesome!...” James listened to Serenity talk to Lilly. “Hulk is so much better than Thor! … Yes he is!...Yes he is!” James laughed as he watched Serenity. “Yeah we live in Scotland…it’s not that far…no they wouldn’t mind…yeah he’s here…I like you Basket Girl. You need to marry Uncle Jamie so you can be my aunt Basket Girl. I’ll let you talk to him now.” She handed the phone to James. “DON’T SCREW THIS UP ASTRO BOY!” He got a talking to by this 11 year old feisty curly headed little girl. “Ya know Jamie you didn’t have to put her up to calling me” she laughed.  
“I’m so sorry Lilly. She grabbed my phone and did it on her own.”  
“I was tired of seeing him dial and then hang up!” Serenity yelled so that they could hear her.  
“Serenity!” James growled. Lilly laughed.  
“Oh Jamie for your sake I hope you don’t have daughters” she laughed.  
“Well they’d be part you so it would be your fault. Oh my God. Did I say that out loud? I’m sorry I uh I have to go. Merry Christmas Lilly.” James hung up the phone. Serenity laughed and went up to her dad shaking her head. “Dad he screwed it up big!” James was angry at himself. He got caught up in the emotion of everything going on and embarrassed himself. “What happened?” Nathan asked him. James relayed the whole embarrassing ordeal. “Well call her back.”  
“I can’t! I can’t even go back to England and face her again.” Nathan laughed at his teenage boy moment. “Jamie it will be ok. Just call her. It's not that bad! You are overreacting.” For all of his arrogance and bravery he couldn’t. He honestly knew what it felt like now to want to crawl in a hole and die. How could I be so stupid? How could I say something like that to her? She barely knows me of course she wouldn’t want to have kids with me. God Theta you really screwed this one up big time. His Donna insecurities was starting to peep through.  
Meanwhile in England, a bubbly, sweet blond is sitting there in silence contemplating what she should do. She called Jack and relayed what happened. He couldn’t contain his laughter. “Lilly he must really like you if he thinks about kids with you.”  
“Jack it’s just teasing banter. We do it all the time.”  
“You also tease me, Jake and Lucas but nothing like that.”  
“Should I go?”  
“Do you want to?”  
“I wanna see him Jack. He’s been gone a couple days and I feel like I’ve lost my right arm. It feels weird. Am I crazy?”  
“No sweetheart you’re in love. You need to go.”  
“I’m not in love with him Jack. We’re just friends. I just I don’t want to impose.”  
“Lilly, you are in love. I can hear it in your voice. I can see it when you come here. Go see him and Lilly you could never be an imposition to anyone.”  
“Thanks Jack.”  
Even though she was a sci-fi writer not a romance writer, Raven was still a woman. After seeing her friend James brooding over a silly faux paux and not doing anything about it, she showed where Serenity got her feisty streak. He was feeling down and not in the Christmas spirit like he was when he first got here. She knew exactly how to change that. She has on occasion watched a few Hallmark Christmas movies after all. She took James’ phone. “Is this her?” she showed him the lock screen. “Yeah” he smiled softly. It was a picture they took together the day they got back to work the day he got his coat. It was just after Bernard scolded them because he “had to” for taking off work but smiled while doing it. “She’s beautiful James. No wonder you’re in love with her.”  
“I’m not in love with her.” He said haughty.  
“Who are you trying to convince me or yourself? Unlock your phone”  
“What?”  
“You heard me unlock your phone. I’m going to get this straightened out.”  
“There’s nothing to straighten out. I’m a world class outer space dunce” his words echoing what Donna said to him once.  
“Jamie you’re not a dunce.”  
“Why hasn’t she called me back huh? I scared her off.”  
“Maybe she’s giving you a chance.”  
“What to make a bigger fool out of myself?” he looked at her. Raven just smiled.  
“Trust me” she opened up her hand and he gave her the phone. He didn’t think anything would fix this. “1021 is the password”  
“Is that your birthday?”  
“No it’s the day I first met her a long time ago.” He walked away.  
“No you’re not in love with her. You just remember the exact date you met her.” She found Lilly’s phone number in his phone.  
“Hi Jamie are you ok?”  
“Hi Lilly this is Raven, Jamie’s friend.”  
“Oh my God is he OK? What’s wrong? Tell me he’s OK. I’m a doctor I can help.” Lilly started panicking. Oh she’s got it just as bad Raven smiled into the phone. “Please dear God tell me he’s OK” she had a scared little girl sound in her voice.  
“He’s OK Lilly” she said softly. She heard Lilly let out a deep breath she was holding. “He’s just being a man.” Lilly started laughing and Raven knew she liked her. “He’s freaked out because of something he said to you and he’s scared he freaked you out.”  
“About the daughters?”  
“Yeah”  
“Tell him it’s OK and I know it was a joke.”  
“Yeah we’ve all tried and it’s not helping. Look the reason I’m calling is what are you doing tomorrow?”  
“Nothing just staying at home” Raven noticed the sad sound in her voice.  
“That’s no place for someone to be on Christmas”  
“It’s OK I’m used to it.” That broke Raven’s heart.  
“Well not this Christmas.”  
“What?”  
“You see Jamie’s been up here for a few days. He was excited when he first got up here but the longer he’s been without Basket Girl the more down he’s become. He really likes you Lilly and I think you like him.”  
“I…I…”  
“It’s OK to admit it Lilly”  
“I do Raven I really do.”  
“That settles it you’re coming to Scotland for Christmas with us. I won’t take no for an answer.”  
“But…but…”  
“You won’t be an imposition either. I know that’s what Jamie was worried about. I live in a Scottish mansion. I have rooms I’ve never been in you’ll be fine.”  
“Yeah but it’s your Christmas. I don’t want to ruin your family time.”  
“Trust me the only way our Christmas would be ruined is if Jamie’s mood didn’t perk up. The only way his mood will perk up is if he sees you. Now here’s my number. You can call or text me when you get here and I’ll come down to the hotel and get you. I want to keep this between us. I want to surprise Jamie. He’s afraid you’ll never want to see him again.”  
“Why would he think that?”  
“Because he’s a man” they both laughed.  
“You really don’t mind me coming?”  
“Not at all. It will be nice to have another woman in the house” she laughed. Lilly smiled.  
“Thank you Raven. You’ve made my Christmas.”  
“Anytime.” Raven hung up with Lilly and saw James sitting outside on the porch looking off into the distance. “Oh Basket Girl I hope you come up here.”  
Meanwhile in England Lilly is pacing around. Should I stay or should I go? She wanted to see James really bad but she wasn’t an idiot. They make movies about people getting kidnapped and killed over things like this. Of course all three guys told her to go. Her heart told her to go. It was her head that was being stubborn. She paced back and forth. Before she realized it she was actually packed. She didn’t even remember packing but there she was sitting in her car on the way to Scotland. Operation Astro Boy fully underway.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

James’mood perked up when Raven told him she talked to Lilly and Lilly was fine. She said she was going to go spend Christmas with a friend and would call him tomorrow. James felt a little jealous because she wasn’t coming to see him but he knew she had three best friends she talked about all the time, Jack, Jake, and Lucas. He didn’t want to interrupt on their Christmas traditions. He never really had any, well except for saving the world, but since he became what he is now he hasn’t really done anything. To him Christmas was just another day.  
James put up a brave face for everyone but deep inside he was lonely. He didn’t realize how much he actually missed Lilly. He missed their talks, texts and chats. He missed the smell of her perfume. It was sweet smelling and just embodied everything that was his Lilly. He had no idea what the name was but when she wore it, it drove him crazy. Most of all he missed holding her hand. It just felt right. It felt like this hand was made for hers the way his other hand was made for Rose’s. He noticed the twitching starts whenever she’s not around. He was going to mention it to her but he didn’t want to scare her off. Oh how the mighty have fallen.  
He missed her little nicknames for him, the latest one was Hedgie. He just got aggravated at something it took him too long to figure out. He started pulling his hair and when he let go it was all over the place. “Your hair sticks up all over the place like a hedgehog!” She’d laugh at him. “I love it! You’re my little Hedgie.” She even went and patted his head like she was petting him which was a turn on for a Time Lord. The look on her face was so endearing and her smile so sweet he loved it. He smiled at her but had to calm his libido down tremendously. She took the aggravation right out of him. He also loved that she liked his hair the way it was and wasn’t trying to change him. After dealing with Renee for six months this was refreshing. That night he was bored and searched for hedgehogs. It led him to online shopping which led him to a pair of pajamas with hedgehogs all over them and a stuffed hedgehog. He laughed because it was custom made and can put any text you want. So playing off the nickname he put “Hedgie’s Girl.” He went back and forth with himself on if he should order it. The Tardis sent him a message telling him to do it. They were really great friends and all the time doing silly things for each other. Besides the zodiac mug she also got him a mug with a single orange tiger lily on it. “This way you’ll always have tea with me” was her joke. He absolutely loved it and actually packed it with him. The zodiac mug was at his office. She was right he always would have tea with her in that mug. He still wasn’t sure about he pajamas. It was a little intimate of a gift however she told him she always gets herself pajamas at Christmas. She sits in them Christmas Day and watches the Marvel movies. God I want to see her in those pajamas. I want her to rub my head in these pajamas so I can take them off. Calm down Theta!  
James smiled continuing the memory. When the pajamas came, he put them in an ultramarine blue box and went next door to her office. She was playing Christmas carols and putting up her little Christmas tree in her office. He stood back in the doorway and watched her prance around in her blue Santa hat. “And when those blue snowflakes start falling/That's when those blue memories start calling/You’ll be doin all right, with your Christmas of white/But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.” He couldn’t help but smile at her. She was so in her own little world adding lights upon lights upon lights to a tree that was about 3 feet tall. He looked around. She had her whole office decorated in multi colored lights. James remembered the movie A Christmas Vacation. Her office looked like the outside of the Griswold’s house. He was enjoying the show and was in no way going to disturb her. She had her hair in braids on each side of her head. She looked like a little girl. James’ heart thumped in his chest. He was so attracted to her. Finally she turned around and saw him standing in her doorway. She screamed and jumped and knocked her hat off. “Holy fucking shit James Noble! You scared the good girl out of me!” He couldn’t help but laugh till he had tears in his eyes. “That might not be a bad thing” he grinned at her. She realized what she said and then her face turned Santa red. “Shut up!” she turned around. He went up to her and laughed. He took some of the icicles off her tree and put them on her head and picked up her Santa hat. “I like the blue Santa hat” he put it on his head. Her eyes light up and she giggled like a little girl.  
“Now that! That’s you!” she chuckled and took a picture of him. “Matches your suit.” Neither one of them could stop smiling like a bunch of dorks. Elvis serenaded them with “White Christmas” next. “I uh I hope it’s not too forward but I got you something.” His nervous tick of tugging on his ear still carried over into this body as well. “Oh you didn’t have too!” she beamed.  
“I know but I saw it and it reminded me of you.”  
“I like the box” she giggled. “This is my favorite color and it’s shiny. I love shiny, sparkly things. I’m like a cat to sparkly things” she giggled. “Have you ever been awake an looked at the stars about 4:30 or 5 am?”  
“Yeah many times” he smiled at her. Oh Lilly if you only knew sweetheart. I used to travel the stars.  
“The color of the sky. It’s not yet dawn but it’s still not quite midnight. That ultramarine shade of blue. To me that’s the prettiest color in the universe. There’s no paint swab I’ve ever seen that totally matches that color. Ultramarine is the closest I could think of. That’s my favorite color and I love this box because it’s as close to it as you can get. What did you get me?” Our first trip in the Tardis will be to see that up close and personal. She grinned and opened it. Inside there was paper and she saw the stuffed hedgehog first. “Oh my God this is too precious!!! You get tea with me and I get to sleep with you.” He looked at her his mouth slightly opened. That was not what I was expecting to hear. Then it dawned on her what she said. She looked up at him with big blue eyes and her mouth slightly opened. Her face starting it’s spectrum of red. “Oh my God that did not come out the way I meant for it to.” James could feel the heat coming off of her cheeks. He started laughing hysterically. “Shut up!” She threw the hedgehog at him. He was crying and in fits from laughing. “You’re such a jackass” she laughed.  
“Oh my God Lilly I needed that laugh. The look on your face I swear sweetheart I will take to my grave. That was worth coming in here for.”  
“I am never going to live this one down am I?” j  
“Not for the rest of your life” he kissed her forehead. “But yeah if you want to sleep with me I can make that happen.” He waggled his eyebrows and said it lustfully. She was as red as a tomato. He came up to her and put his hand on her cheek, “your place or mine?” he grinned. She took the hedgehog and hit him in the chest. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I’m going to prove you can die of embarrassment.” She put her head in her hands. He just laughed at her and kissed her cheek. Her face was on fire. His kiss made her cheek even redder. He could tell she enjoyed it as well. “You’ll be fine Lils.” He looked at the hedgehog “I do look rather cuddly.” She was not going to be outdone. “Oh I bet you are” she laughed.  
“You’ll find out someday” he winked and clicked his tongue at her. She was still all over the spectrum of red in her face. He took the hedgehog and bopped her on the nose. She took it and threw it at him. He laughed at her. “And when you do come to sleep with me you’ll like what’s in the package.” James totally didn’t meant for it to sound the way it came out. “Do you say that to all the girls?” she was getting her feisty streak.  
“Liliana!” now he was turning red and threw the hedgehog back at her. She bit her lip and winked at him. She pulled out the pajamas and looked at them. Then she started crying with laughter. “Oh my God James! You couldn’t have gotten me anything better. These are ADORABLE!!!! Hedgie’s Girl I love it!” she put them up to her. Oh you have no idea just how much you are Hedgie's Girl. Seeing them against her did not help his cause.   
“I uh I wasn’t sure if it was too personal but I saw those and I had to get them for you. I … I don’t mean to get forward.” His bravado melted and now he was getting the shy streak he never had as a full Time Lord. Me shy? Since when is this happening?  
“Oh you are fine!” she laughed “I’m just touched that you thought enough of me to even get me something. I appreciate it.”  
“Well you get me things all the time and I figured why not? And now you have your own little bed buddy” he winked at her.  
“Oh shut up!” she took the hat off him and hit him with it. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a huge hug laughing and kissed her forehead. He lingered there for a few moments but she didn’t say anything. He was enjoying the closeness with her. “Twenty years Lilly I’ll still be teasing you about this.” Maybe that will be twenty years I’ll actually get to be your bed buddy.  
“Alright Hedgie and in twenty years when all that great hair is gone” she put her hand in his hair and tugged. God that feels good. I can’t tell you how I want you to do that again. “I’ll hand it over and be like remember when?” They laughed at each other. By now the cd had returned back to “Blue Christmas.” He took her hand and they danced around her tiny office laughing and singing. “Have you ever heard Porky Pig sing this song?”  
“No I can’t say that I have.”  
“Oh my God. Hold on I’ll play it for you.” She looked it up and played the cartoon pig stuttering through the Christmas classic. James laughed till he started coughing. They played it at least three times. They were in their own little world. They had no idea Bernard was standing outside her door watching the two of them. He had a huge smile on his face. His Christmas wish was coming true. The girl he thought of as a daughter is finally falling in love.  
James smiled at the memory. He looked at his phone and read the texts from the next morning.  
You’re right you are cuddly  
Oh you have no idea just how cuddly I can be 😉  
Come over and I’ll find out  
Don’t tempt me 😉  
“You have it so bad Uncle James” he looked at Serenity. “Have you told her you love her?”  
“I … uh … I”  
“Tell her!”  
“It’s complicated” James sighed.  
“Only if you make it complicated” she sat on his lap and gave him a hug. “I love you Uncle James” she kissed his cheek.  
“I love you too Serenity. I love you too.” He gave her a hug. The wisdom of an 11 year old. He didn’t realize just how much he had fallen for her. My tiger Lilly. I sure do miss you. He was finally being honest with himself. He fell in love with his tiger girl.  
He played games with Serenity, talked about the stars with Nathan and even made cookies with Raven but it felt like something was missing, besides his second heart. Around midnight James thought he would be tired but he was still wide awake. A thousand times he tried to send her a text and a thousand times he hit delete. She’s going to her friend’s house. Don’t disturb her. Let her have her Christmas. When Christmas is over come clean. Tell her you really would want to be with her. Rassilon when did things ever get so complicated? He sat by the Christmas tree and listened to Nathan and Raven make some excuse they had to go out. He didn’t pay much attention he was entranced by the fire.  
James sat there deep in thought. He was thinking about Lilly and feeling jealous over Lucas, Jack or Jake whichever was the friend she was going to see. He wanted to be the one she came to see so badly. Rassilon, Theta what has happened to you? You let her in. How did she penetrate your heart? With that smile of course and those big blue eyes that light up whenever you’re in the room. God Theta you are a complete mess. He enjoyed the fire and wrapped his arms around his legs. Put on a brave face Theta. Don’t let them see you sad. It’s Christmas. Let them see you happy. You can do this. You always have to fake it when the world’s at a crisis. Pretend it’s a Dalek invasion. You’re brave and strong and can handle this. He heard in the distance the door open but he didn’t care. He was getting tired and now that they were back he was going to go to bed. He felt someone sneaking up behind him. His hairs stood on end and then their hands were over his eyes. Normally he would be freaked but he recognized the perfume and the feel of the hands. Then he heard “guess who?” giggled in his ear. He turned around so fast Lilly was knocked on her behind. “WHAT?...WHAT?...WHAT?...” He was shocked. He had to remember he didn’t have a respiratory bypass any longer. Breathe Theta breathe. It won’t do you any good to die on her now. Breathe! “Merry Christmas Jamie” Raven and Nathan chanted.  
“Merry Christmas Astro Boy” Lilly laughed. He had to tell his heart to start beating again. Then he had to tell himself this wasn’t his house and to behave. He was on the verge of jumping on her and kissing her and shagging her senseless. It takes a lot to get a 900 year old Time Lord human hybrid surprised and his sweet tiger lily did just that. “Oh my God” he was astonished. He reached out and grabbed her. He caught himself before he kissed her within an inch of her life. He held her close to him. My queen you are here! He held her close and refused to let her go. “Merry Christmas Basket Girl” he squeezed her instead to within an inch of her life. It took everything he had in him to not call her Raindrop. That wasn’t the time to have this discussion. He shut his eyes tight because he was trying to fight the Donna side from coming out. Finally he looked up to Raven and Nathan. They smiled and waved goodnight. James mouthed thank you to them as they passed by. “Lilly what…” he was at a loss for words but reluctant to let her go.  
“Do you think I’d let my future baby daddy spend Christmas without me? Fat chance” she giggled.  
“Lilly I’m so sorry about that”  
“Jamie it’s ok love. We’re friends. We say and do stupid things all the time. Remember my hedgehog you got me?” He started laughing at the memory. “See I rest my case. You just got paid back” she laughed. “Just know 20 years from now this will be brought up at our daughter’s wedding reception” she smiled at him.  
“Along with Hedgie?” he grinned at her.  
“Oh God” she groaned.  
“I … I … I can’t believe you came up all this way to see me.” He put his palm on her cheek. She leaned into his hand.  
“You know I was kinda scared to come up here. I didn’t know these people and I was thinking I could wind up on Investigation Discovery” she started laughing. He smiled at her. He knew that was a station she watched that had all the true crime shows on it. “You know what made me feel at peace?”  
“What?”  
“Blue Christmas” they started laughing again. “That is our Christmas song let me tell you. I’m so glad I decided to come up here though. I needed this. I’ve…I’ve…”  
“I’ve missed you my tiger”  
“I’ve missed you too Hedgie” she smiled at him. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight. For once the universe gave him something. She put her hand on his cheek. He couldn’t help but smile at the look on her face when she realized he had grown his sideburns back. He could tell she liked them. Even more than that, even though he was part human, his sense of smell could still smell the pheromones she was giving off. She was really attracted to him. It fed his ego however he was sure he was giving off some of his own as well. He put his hand on her hand. He looked into her eyes. “They said you were going to see a friend for Christmas.”  
“Yeah I did” she smiled at him. “They just didn’t say which friend did they?” she laughed.  
They sat by the fire together for a little while. He made her sit in front of him while he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back and placed her head on his bicep. She was playing with his fingers absentmindedly and he was refusing to let her go. “Where’s the bathroom? He led her to the bathroom and he didn’t even think about it but he stood outside the door and waited for her. When she came out she had on pajamas with little hedgehogs on them. “They fit!” he laughed at her.  
“I love them too they are so comfortable.” She wrapped her arm through his. “Come on Astro Boy. It’s cold out but the stars are in full bright. Let’s go stargazing.” She wrapped her fingers through his and led him outside.  
Raven had made them hot chocolate and sandwiches. There were blankets in a basket and Lilly put her coat on over her robe. James laid the blankets out and laid on the grass. As much as they hung out together they never stargazed before. “A midnight stargazing picnic at Christmas. This is one fantasy I never knew I had until now” Lilly admitted as she held his hand under the blanket.  
“Me neither” James admitted softly. “But I’d love to do this again and again.”  
“Me too Hedgie me too.”  
“This can be our Christmas tradition.”  
“I like that!” she giggled. He squeezed her hand and smiled big at her.  
They drank the hot chocolate and sat under the stars. It felt like the most magical place in the world. “When I was a little girl I’d take Jake and Lucas out. We’d sit outside. I would tell them Orion is the big hunter. He keeps the stars fed. He’s also Venus’ protector in the battle of Mercury and Mars for her affection. Every night depending on what constellation was out I’d give them an update on who’s winning. Of course they never paid attention. They were more interested in cars, girls and things. Every night I would look out at the stars and wish I could see Orion up close. Everyone is always raving about Mars. Mars this Mars that. I wanna go to Pluto. It was a planet then it’s not. There are times I feel Plutoed. Sorry I’m rambling” she kept looking up. James saw a single tear run down her cheek. “The point is I don’t know where you stand on are the aliens real or not real issue.” James breath caught in his throat. Not now Lilly please! I’m having too great a time to lose you. She was quiet for a second then she took a deep breath. “I was a neurosurgeon. I was THE BEST in the world until.” She paused.  
“What happened?”  
“I had to do a surgery on a friend and colleague. That was the day the Earth was pulled out of the Milky Way.” And my birthday James closed his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this never mind it’s not important” she started backtracking. She scooted over and let go of his hand. She was retreating back into her shell. “Lilly tell me”  
“It’s…it’s…it’s stupid and the news everything said it was…”  
“Lilly tell me.” She looked at him with unsure eyes. “Trust me” he reached over and cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes and he saw tears start to trickle down her cheeks. He took his thumbs and wiped away the tears. Her breath caught in her throat at such a tender gesture. “Come here love” he pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her.  
“I guess I just wanted you to know. If you think I’m crazy or stupid and don’t want anything else to do with me tell me now and I’ll leave. You’ll never have to be bothered by me again.”  
“Lilliana first you are not a bother at all. Second I don’t think you’re stupid at all. I think you’re the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met. And fourth…”  
“What’s third?” she smiled. He was always doing that getting ahead of himself.  
“Ok third I believe you. I was there. I saw the planets. I thought it was the end of the world.” He realized she gave him an opening. He wanted to take it really badly but now wasn’t the time. He didn’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas especially after they convinced her to come up here. “What happened Lils?” He cupped her cheek.  
“When the Earth moved my friend died because I wasn’t able to save her. All of my life James I worked so hard and the one time it really mattered … Well that was the day I became afraid of the stars. My one saving grace in my childhood became a monster, scarier than the monsters I ever dealt with.”  
“What did you do?”  
“I went away. I didn’t have contact with anyone important for a little over a year. Every night I would do anything to keep from looking up at the sky. I was actually mortified. I was in a real bad state. I would drug myself unconscious so I didn’t have to see the night time. It … it …it caused me to have a nervous breakdown. I saw her face in everything I looked at. She was yelling at me and screaming at me. She said it was my fault she was dead. It was my fault she couldn’t be with her husband and children. Remember when I told you about meeting my friend who gave me this jacket?”  
“Yes”  
“I never had a suicidal thought after meeting him, until I started seeing Liz’s face. Everywhere I went I would see her face. I would close my eyes and hear her screaming in my head. I started having the thoughts again. I went so long and I was so proud of myself but I just couldn’t cope. I had lost patients before and it was hard but I coped with it. However losing Liz was different. The thing is I know I could have saved her. I just know it! If those evil fucking bastards didn’t screw up with the Earth she would still be here! She’d be able to see her family and have Christmas again.” She started sobbing. James went to hold her but she just stopped him. “I… I… I got out the letter my friend wrote me. I read it over and over and over. I imagined what he would tell me if he was still around. I remembered our talk and had a dream one night that he came to me and told me he needed me. He wanted me to fight what was going on because he needed me. Called me Liliana. He didn’t know my real name. I gave him an alias. The look in his eyes though I’ll never forget. He told me to fight for him. That next morning I checked myself into the hospital. James you have no idea how many demons I have to work through. Even coming up here I had to work through demons. While I was away I was hospitalized for a good portion of that time. No one knows that part. God what is it about you that makes me tell you my deepest darkest secrets?” She chuckled nervously.  
“Because you know in your heart you can trust me. I won’t ever tell.” I think in your heart you know who I really am. You just don’t understand it either. “So what happened?”  
“After I got out of the hospital I started making amends with people. I was still terrified of the stars but I was getting better. One day my Capricorn streak kicked in and said enough is enough. I called Bernard mostly to talk to a friend. He told me my job was always there for me but that there was a new astronomy professor. He told me he sat in your lectures and he felt like a kid again learning about the stars. He told me I should do it. After meeting you and getting to know you I did just that. You made me fall in love with the stars again. You made me a better astrophysics professor. You gave me my passion back Jamie.” She looked up at him and smiled. “That’s why I wanted to come up here and see you. I wanted to see the stars again but with you. You’re my Orion. When I get scared or lonely I just call you and you make me feel better, just like Orion does. I” she started blushing. “I didn’t plan on telling you this but I really missed you. It felt like my shining light went out. I know that sounds stupid it’s only been a couple days but I was so glad when Raven called and told me she wanted me to come up here. Sorry I’m getting…I’ll just …” she went to get up. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back down next to him.  
“Don’t” he said softly “don’t leave.” It had been a long time since someone said something to make him moved like that. “Lilly it’s not often someone renders me speechless.”  
“Yeah I know” she laughed and cupped his cheek. He put his hand on her hand. He looked into her deep dark blue eyes and kissed her. She kissed him back and pulled him closer to her. She held on to him for dear life and he wasn’t about to let her go. James has been kissed by many women before, powerful women, Cleopatra, Madame De Pompadour, even Rose but none of them matched this kiss. This was the most magical kiss in all of his 10.5 lives. When neither one of them could hold their breath any longer he let her go. “Merry Christmas Lilly” he said softly to her. “Merry Christmas Jamie” she smiled back.  
It was about 2 am when the snow started falling. They were outside still but neither one had said a word. It was a comfortable silence. Lilly laid her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. They stared up at the stars watching them twinkle in the sky. “This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had” she admitted softly. “I’m so glad I came up here.”  
“Me too Lils me too” he kissed the top of her head where a smattering of snowflakes had fallen. She snuggled closer into his side and the smile could not leave his face. Even though he was a while away, he could feel the Tardis in his head giving a self satisfactory hum. The new old girl new exactly what she was doing. This is what she had me wait for. He got to thinking of all the times he wanted to take off. He would have missed meeting her. Thanks old girl.  
It was getting chilly outside but as long as she was willing to stay out he would stay out with her. He didn’t want to ruin this moment by going inside. All of a sudden she jumped and grabbed her knee. “You ok love?” James sat up next to her.  
“Yeah it’s just Uncle Artur kicking in.” He had a blank look on his face. “Arthritis sweetheart. The cold is getting to it.”  
“You should have said something! We would have went in a long time ago.” Lilly blushed and turned her head away. “This is the best night of my life. I didn’t want it to end.” James smiled at her shyness and turned her head to face him. Her shy little girl routine always made him smile. It meant he would get to be the hero again and rescue her from herself. “It doesn’t have to end” he jumped up and pulled her up. “Come on lets sit by the fire in the fireplace” he gathered the items up and they put the blankets on the floor. James laid down and reached out his hand for Lilly. “Come on Blondie” he smiled at her. She giggled “Ok Ginger” she took his hand and laid down next to him. He put the blanket over them and wrapped his arm around her pulling her close. She put her hand on top of his hand and gazed out at the fire. “I’m so glad you came up here.” He whispered in her ear. “It’s been weird not getting to make your tea and see your beautiful smile. I don’t know what the future holds for us Lilly but you’ve absolutely made my Christmas tonight.” He looked over at her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing soft. He kissed her cheek goodnight. “Sweet dreams my Raindrop.”


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four  
Even though she was on a hardwood floor, even though it was uncomfortable when Lilly woke up she realized she had the best sleep of her life. She turned over and saw James sleeping next to her. She didn’t want to disturb him. His light snoring woke her up and she found it quite endearing. She realized the smattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose. She giggled at how cute they were. His hair was like it always is sticking up all over the place and she couldn’t help but be excited the sideburns had grown back. She hated facial hair but something about his sideburns she just loved. Her newest obsession, even though she’d never tell him that, was his lower lip. It was so plump and pouty and just great as she found out last night. She fought as hard as she could but she couldn’t resist reaching over and scratching his right sideburn. “That’s gonna cost you a kiss” he said smiling but with his eyes closed.  
“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you” she retracted her hand.  
“Now that that’s going to cost more” he leaned over and tickled her. She laughed and fought him. He laughed and looked down at her. “God even when you wake up you’re gorgeous” he brushed the hair out of her face. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly. She got shy on him.   
“You need glasses love” she giggled.  
“Actually I do have a pair I just never wear them” he shrugged  
“Why?”  
“Because I’m always around you.”  
“What does that have to do with it?” Now James was the one getting shy.  
“Because no guy wants a gorgeous girl to see him wearing glasses. It’s an ego thing.” He remembered the first time he saw Reinette when she was all grown up. He stroke the harp and she came in. The first thing he did was take off his glasses. Ever since then he didn’t wear them around gorgeous women, well this him hasn’t. The full Time Lord didn’t care except for that one dalliance. The first time he wore them around Renee she wasn’t amused. Lilly laughed “sweetheart it’s me! It’s not like I’m Miss America or something.”  
“You’re my Miss America” he winked at her. She giggled and blushed. She always did that when he flirted with her. He noticed she really seemed to like it when he winked at her. That was his special ammo for her. “You’re so cute when you flirt with me.”  
“I like seeing you get shy when I do. It’s endearing.” He grinned that stupid grin he has when he’s being mischievous.  
“Still do you wear contacts then?’  
“No I don’t need them all the time I… I tried wearing them when I was dating Renee.’  
“Oh I can only imagine” Lilly rolled her eyes. “She’d probably think Cary Grant looked hideous in them. Then again she’s an idiot and probably doesn’t know who Cary Grant is” Lilly laughed.  
“She had a fit! Told me it was unmanly to wear them and they made me look like a dork” he shrugged his shoulders “so I quit. Personally I thought they made me look smarter but what do I know.”  
“Like I said she’s an idiot. Do you have them here?”  
“Yeah”   
“Put them on”  
“No Lilly I don’t…”  
“Jamie come on! It’s me! You’re literally seeing me when I wake up in the morning. I don’t care about the outside. What I love is what’s in here” she put her hand on his heart. He took her hand and kissed it and smiled at her. “Besides something tells me you’ll look hot in them.”  
“Really?” he giggled.  
“Oh yes” she imitated his catch phrase. He leaned over and kissed her.  
“Ugh again? Are you two ever going to get up so we can have Christmas?” James blushed and turned to Serenity. Nathan stood right there. “Serenity Starr Reynolds! That is no way to behave around a guest!”  
“But dad it’s just Uncle Jamie!’  
“I don’t care who it is! Now you apologize right now young lady.”  
“I’m sorry” she said softly.  
“Now go to the black room until I say so!”  
“But dad I apologized!”  
“I don’t care.”  
“I’m not little! I’m 11!”  
“And the longer you keep sassing me the longer you’ll stay.”  
“Nathan it’s ok. She apologized” Lilly said softly.

“Ugh” she growled.  
“20 extra minutes”  
“What?!”  
“Do you want to make it 30?”  
“No”  
“No what?”  
“No sir”  
“Thank you” Serenity looked at Lilly with disdain then marched down the hall. Nathan turned to James and Lilly. “I’m so sorry she’s going through a rude phase.”  
“Rude and not ginger” James smiled man that was 6 years ago today! Lilly slapped his back.  
"Time and place" she whispered to him. “I’m sorry Nathan” Lilly was now getting visibly nervous. “I can leave if it helps. You can have Christmas with your family.” James turned and looked at her. “What?” no way was he going to let her leave now. His single heart was racing. No way in hell am I going to let you leave today! “Oh no. no, no we want you to stay. She’s just upset because the black room is like her timeout place. We knew if we sent her to her room she’d be happy and could play games do things it’s not a punishment. In 30 minutes she’ll be able to come out. Now let’s get ready for breakfast.” Lilly stood up and took James’ hand. James noticed the clamminess of her hand. He looked at her and could see her fear. He could see the insecure little girl again. Oh sweetheart not now. She looked up at him with scared blue eyes. He could feel her trembling as he held her hand. James looked at her. “You ok love?” She shook her head no. He pulled her closer to him hoping it would give her some strength. She spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear her. “Should I leave? I’m being serious Jamie. This is your family and Christmas is about family. I don’t want to…I think I’m going to go” she headed to the bathroom where her things were. James could see her fear. It was in her walk and her whole demeanor. He knew her well enough to know she was scared of something.  
James was stunned. His perfect Christmas was over before it got started. “Don’t just stand there Dumbo! Go to her! She needs you!” Donna’s voice rang in his ears. “What’s wrong with her?” Nathan asked. He noticed the change in her as well.  
“I … I … I don’t know. I think she suffers from PTSD and she’s having a flashback. I’m sorry Nathan.”  
“Don’t be I understand better than anyone.”  
“You lot go ahead and have Christmas. I’ll see if I can help her.”  
“James if there’s anything you need.”  
“Thank you” he went and stood by the bathroom door. He went to knock but he heard her crying.  
“Why? Last night was perfect. Can’t I just have one birthday?” she sobbed. It’s her birthday! How could I forget! I saw it on her driver’s license. Oh Raindrop I’m so sorry. He closed his eyes and laid his head against the door. His heart was breaking at the tears. “Lilly” he said softly. She sniffed and he heard her try straighten up. “Uh yeah I’ll be out in a minute.”  
“Can I come in?” Lilly started panicking.  
“No! Please Jamie please I beg you don’t come in please” she started sobbing.  
“Lilly sweetheart talk to me.” James was starting to panic now.  
“Jamie just go spend Christmas with your brother. That’s what it’s all about. I’ll be fine I’ll sneak out and you guys won’t even know I was gone.” What? My … you don’t know about… oh wait… she thinks Nathan is my brother.  
“My brother? Leaving?”  
“Yeah Nathan”  
“Nathan’s not…”  
“Ok Raven then”  
“Lilly please come out we need to talk.”  
“Jamie please just go have Christmas with your family.”  
“I don’t want you to leave it would ruin my day.”  
“Yeah but … it’s Christmas I’m not supposed to be here.”  
“Why not?”  
‘Because Christmas is about family and I’m not family.”  
“So you can’t spend it with a friend?”  
“No it’s intruding on family time.”  
“But Lilly I’m your future baby daddy. I should count. I mean for what our five kids’ sake?”  
“Five? You do know I’m an old bag now right?” He smiled. He could at least get her to make some kind of sarcastic remark.  
“Lilly please come out” he was pleading with her.  
“Where’s your room?”  
“Across the hall.”  
“Is there a closet in there?”  
“Yeah of course there’s a closet in there. Why wouldn’t there be a closet in there?” He asked like she was stupid which was a mistake. She started hyperventilating.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I … I … I didn’t know. Some of these old places don’t have a place for me to hide.” He noticed the tone of her voice. It wasn’t his feisty tiger anymore. “Why do you need a closet?”  
“Can we go to your room?”  
“Yeah whatever you need just please come out love.” Lilly opened the door. She timidly walked out. He noticed she was holding Hedgie the hedgehog he got her and she was curled in on herself. She looked down and wouldn’t look at him for anything. “Hey gorgeous” James reached out his hand. “Please don’t call me that” she said shyly and never took his hand and never looked at him. James’single heart was breaking. Whatever happened to his feisty Lilly was breaking his heart. “Lilly I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.”  
“You didn’t it’s just I know I’m not so I’d rather you not lie to me” she kept her head down but squeezed the life out of that stuffed animal. James was stunned this was Angel Rayne all over again. This was worse than Angel Rayne. Angel had a little spunk in her. This Lilly had no life at all. She was tormented by fear. All of the progress she made seemed to implode on her. “My room’s right here” he opened the door. She timidly walked in. He watched her sit down in the closet. “What are you doing?”  
“I’m fighting” she said softly.  
“In a closet? Come on Lilly. This isn’t funny.” James had enough. “Nathan and Raven are going to have breakfast. Let’s not keep them waiting.”  
“Go ahead” she said softly. “Tell them I’m not feeling well. Have Christmas without me. You guys are better off.”  
“I’M NOT TELLING THEM THAT NOW COME ON!” He was getting frustrated. He wanted his girl back not this imposter. He thought by yelling at her it would break the spell. She would get mad and fight back. When that didn’t work he reached down and grabbed her hand. She looked at him eyes blown wide and scared. He’s never seen her this scared before. “No Jamie please! Please, please don’t do this to me! I trusted you please don’t hurt me. If you love me at all please don’t” she started sobbing and hyperventilating. James heart was broke. He’d never seen her this upset before. Now he was at a loss. “I trusted you. I trusted you” she rocked back and forth holding on to Hedgie for dear life. She was truly scared of him now. “Hey… hey I wouldn’t hurt you for anything in the world.” He got down on her level and looked at her. “What’s wrong Lilly? You said you were fighting. What are you fighting?”  
“My demons. Please go have breakfast your family. Tell them I’m sorry.” She cowered in the corner of the closet.  
“No” he said sternly.  
“But please Jamie. I don’t want to ruin anything.”  
“The only thing ruined is my heart if you leave Liliana.” He never called her by her given name. “Can I sit next to you?” he asked kindly.  
“You…you…you want to?” she was actually surprised. She looked at him with her eyebrows raised. She was scared that someone was giving her false hope. “Yeah my hand is acting up and the only relief is when I hold yours” he got a small giggle out of her.  
“Would…would you…never mind” she lost her nerve. It was breaking James heart. He missed his funny, feisty, fierce girl.  
“Liliana Patrick I would do anything in the world for you.” He sat down next to her in the closet. It was a tight squeeze but he wrapped his arm around her. She scooted closer to him but still had a death grip on her hedgehog. “Can you close the door?” he did as she asked.  
“Now that you are safe tell me what’s going on.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him. He needed it as much as she did. “Oh Jamie I never meant for you to see me like this. I’m so sorry. I should have known not to come up here.”  
“Why?”  
“I broke the rule and now I’m going to be punished.” She was almost childlike sounding.  
“What rule sweetheart?”  
“The rule about Christmas” she said as if it was the most obvious thing.  
“I’m an idiot so remind me what’s the rule?”  
“You’re not an idiot Jamie. You’re the smartest man I know and believe me I’ve met some smart people.”  
“What’s the rule Lils?”  
“Christmas is only for family. Even if someone invites you, don’t go because that’s ruining their family time.”  
“What?...what?...who in the hell came up with that rule?”  
“That’s what Matthew told me.”  
“So your father would tell you that about Christmas?”  
“He would rather die than to be called my father, unless it was for a photo op. He would get all of these pictures taken of all of these presents he was giving away to orphaned kids then when it came Christmas morning he’d tell me girls like me get no gifts. He said Christmas was about family and since I wasn’t his family I had to go to my room. One time I tried to spend it with Lucas but he heard us laughing. He told me bad girls get in trouble and he took my bear and set it on fire on my bed. He told me when I could learn to behave I could have my bed back. Then he spanked me till I couldn’t sit down. He told me no matter what to never spend a Christmas with any one that wasn’t family. Since I have no family I never spent it with anyone until now and now look Raven and Nathan are going to be mad at me.” She was so soft spoken and sad it broke James’ heart. He could feel the tears falling down her cheeks landing on his hand. This brought out the Oncoming Storm. If Matthew Patrick wasn’t already dead, James would have found him and made him pay for what he did to his girl. Even his inner Donna was wanting to go after Matthew. She started shaking in fear.  
James was blown away. She was so scared that she ruined their Christmas because of something her asshole father told her when she was a kid. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as tight as he could. He wanted to pay a trip to a Mr. Matthew and show him what evil men get when they piss off a Time Lord. “My precious, precious, precious girl no one is going to be mad at you. What he told you is so wrong. Christmas is a time of love and friendship. It’s a time to be with the ones you love sweetheart. You’ve never spent a Christmas with anyone? Not Jake, Jack or Lucas ever?” He could feel Hedgie the hedgehog in his chest. He went to take it away from her but she held on to it like a lifeline. “No I didn’t want to disrupt their time with their families.”  
“Oh my sweet, precious girl that’s why Nathan, Raven and Serenity wanted you here because…because…because they saw how I was without my Blondie. They know Astro Boy need his Basket Girl because when he got up here he realized something big.” He had no intentions of telling her this, this soon but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. “What?” she looked at him shyly.  
“I realized I'm in love with you Lilly.” She looked at him surprised. “You don’t have to say it I know it’s way too soon but I realized I couldn’t love you more if I had two hearts.” And believe me I’ve had them I know what I’m talking about. “And if you didn’t come up here I would have found out where you live and went to you. Please Lilly make my Christmas wish come true and stay.” He was pleading with her.  
“Good job Spaceman” Donna approved in his head. The Tardis had a hum of approval as well.  
“You really think I’m gorgeous?” She asked completely missing what he just said. He chuckled at her. That’s what she chose to focus on?  
“Lilly I think you’re prettier than Aurora Borealis on a clear day at it’s peak.”  
“Really?” she smiled,  
“Absolutely” he said confidently.  
“And you really want me to stay?”  
“Oh yes! More than anything.” She took his hand and entwined her fingers with his.  
“Tell me again”  
“Tell you what?”  
“What you figured out”  
“That all the time we spent together was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. You make me better Lilly and I need that. There’s not enough words in any language I know to tell you how much I love you.” She started crying harder.  
“One more time please.”  
“T’amo, j’taime, ya lyublyu tyebya, ti amo, I love you my precious, precious, precious Blondie.” She moved over and sat on his lap finally releasing Hedgie. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and cried her eyes out. “I love you too James I love you more than you can ever imagine.” He wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. “No one’s ever told me that before” she said softly.  
“Now Lils I know Lucas or someone said it to you before.”  
“Yeah I mean not like that and mean it.”  
“I mean it with every beat of my heart my precious princess.” That got her to chuckle. He had never called her princess before even though he knew of her nickname. “That’s my girl. I heard a laugh.” She wiped her eyes and rolled off his lap.  
“I’m sorry I had a meltdown on you today.”  
“Sweetheart it’s ok”  
“It’s just…”  
“What?”  
“Nothing”  
“No tell me”  
“It’s just when she got in trouble I just had flashbacks of my childhood. Someday I might tell you about it.”  
“I wish you would. I’d love to help you heal anyway I can.”  
“It just…I thought I was ok but apparently I’m not.”  
“Sweetheart anything can trigger a flashback. It’s ok. You have PTSD. It's common in trauma survivors.”  
“I’m just…I’m just afraid if you found out about me you’d leave.”  
“Hey I’m not gonna leave sweetheart. Trust me I’m not that easy to get rid of.”  
“I hope so…I kinda like having you around” she giggled. “You’re awfully cuddly even though you’re skinny as a rail.” She smiled at him.  
“There she is” he smiled at her.  
“What?”  
“There’s my Basket Girl. She’s coming back to me.”  
“Yeah I am thanks Jamie.” She kissed his cheek.  
“Oh no I don’t think so” he laughed and grabbed her and kissed her so passionately that the closet almost caught on fire. “Dayam” she laughed trying to catch her breath. “Remind me to have a meltdown on you more often if you’re going to kiss me like that” he chuckled at her and kissed her forehead. “Come on Blondie we better make our grand entrance.” He stood up and reached out his hand. She took it and stood up. They walked out of the closet to face the world once again.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five  
While they were away Raven made breakfast. She had a full ensemble of eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, biscuits (American biscuits not cookies), gravy, the works. “Wow this looks great!’ Lilly sat down to eat. Raven and Nathan sat down and James sat next to her. They could tell she had been crying. Serenity asked if she was ok. “Yeah I’m fine. I just had a panic attack. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ruin anyone’s Christmas or make anyone upset.” She was starting to feel scared again. She started picking at her food and James squeezed her hand. “Lilly it’s ok. I suffer from them at times too. They’re not fun and can be extremely debilitating.”  
“Yeah I was having a flashback of my childhood. Thankfully Thor was around to save me.” She looked at Serenity and smiled as she squeezed James’ hand. “I told you Hulk is so much better!”  
“Yes but Thor is just” Lilly started fanning herself.  
“Hey” James protested.  
“Oh sorry that was last night’s dream Thor was in” Raven started laughing. Serenity was a little too young to get it but Nathan and James giggled. “I like you” Raven smiled at her. “You have a sense of humor. But I’ll have you know, Captain America is where it’s at.”  
“Yes you never know what’s under that shield” Lilly started laughing and winked at Raven.  
“You guys do realize we’re still here right?” Nathan laughed at the two of them.  
“Oh come on like you guys don’t have a thing for Black Widow.” Raven smirked.  
“She’s my favorite. She kicks ass” Lilly laughed.  
“Wonder Woman is better!” Serenity chimed in.  
“Nah I’ll take Natasha any day. Oh Wolverine I can’t tell you some of the horrible movies I’ve watched just because he’s in it” Lilly laughed. “He could scratch my back any day” Raven and Lilly both giggled like teenage girls.  
“I guess we don’t exist do we?” James turned to Nathan.  
“Someone’s getting jealous” Raven laughed. Lilly reached over and patted his leg and chuckled “but you’ll always be my nutty professor.”  
“Oh thanks I’m trying so hard to not be offended” he laughed. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re my um…um…my prince” she batted her eyelashes and for some reason that sent James into a tailspin. He started laughing at her and they were done. The four adults laughed and made jokes while Serenity just sat there clueless. “Is this one of those I’ll understand when I’m older?”  
“Yes!” all four adults said at once.  
After breakfast was over with James pulled Lilly to the side. “Are you ok?”  
“Yeah I’m fine actually. Thank you for everything.” He smiled at her he hugged her tightly. “I’m going to go take a shower.”  
“Why is there one missing?”  
“Ha ha” he pinched her cheek. “Don’t run off without me.”  
“Well I don’t think Thor’s going to be paying me a visit on Christmas so you don’t have to worry” she winked.  
“I met him once”  
“Are you serious?” her eyes got big. What she didn’t know was he was talking about the real Thor not the movie star Thor. “Yeah” he grinned he knew he had her good. “He was pretty cool guy. Bit full of himself though but most Gods are” he winked at her and left.  
While James was in the shower, Lilly and Raven bonded over tea. “I have no idea what he does when he makes my tea but it tastes so much better than everyone else’s.”  
“That’s because he makes yours with love” the dark haired curly lady smiled at her.  
“Yeah I guess he does” Lilly couldn’t help but giggle. “So how are you two related?” she asked nonchalantly sipping her tea.  
“We’re not” Raven said just as nonchalantly. “I met him when he came to one of my book readings. We’ve been friends since then. How about you? How did you two meet?”  
“He literally ran into me” Lilly laughed. “He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and poof ran into me.” Lilly laughed at the memory. “What is it he calls you? Basket Girl? How did that get started?”  
“Oh” Lilly laughed and finish rinsing off the plate Raven handed her. “This girl that can’t stand me came up and was hanging on him like a cheap suit. She introduced us and said he taught astrology and I taught underwater basket weaving. Like who would even attempt that much less pay college tuition for it” Raven laughed. “Oh if you knew Renee you’d know.”  
“Oh God her”  
“You met her?”  
“No but she’d call Jamie all the time during the summer and was just berating him to death. I felt sorry for him. I almost went mama bear on her.”  
“Yeah she’s something else” Lilly shook the excess water off.  
“Oh there you are. Do you want to go play in the snow?” James was asking Serenity but Lilly had her back to him. “Why yes sweet pea I do” she laughed and then turned around. He had gotten a shower and instead of putting on his usual blue suit, which Lilly loved and is the only thing she’s seen him in. He came out in a pair of dark jeans, a dark denim button down shirt with the sleeves slightly rolled up and his glasses on. He looked like a handsome grown up Harry Potter. His hair was still all over the place like it always is. He was looking at Serenity when Lilly turned around. “Oh happy birthday to me” she giggled and bit her bottom lip.  
“What?” James asked confused. Lilly started blushing and turned around. Raven elbowed her in the side and the two of them giggled like little school girls. “What’s the big deal?” Serenity innocently asked.  
“You need to warn me before you come in looking hot like that” Lilly blurted out. Raven giggled at her as she started blushing at what she said. This time it was James’ turn to blush. “Lils its just jeans. I wear them all the time.”  
“NO! you wear that blue suit all the time. Once in a while you’ll wear a shirt over your tee shirt but it’s always the suit.”  
“Someone’s been checking me out” James laughed and bit his bottom lip.  
“Of course!” Lilly laughed and blushed. She turned around her back to him so she could catch her breath. He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist. His right hand on her thigh. “It’s ok Lils. Personally I love those jeans you wear with the flowers on the leg and… they” he cleared his throat. “Fit nicely.” He kissed the back of her neck. She put her head in her hands. “I can’t believe you noticed me.”  
“Of course I did…or uh do! When you wear purple or green wow” he actually roared like a tiger and kissed her cheek. It was flaming hot. She shyly turned and faced him. “Flower jeans and green or purple?”  
“Yep” he popped the p and winked at her. "The tighter the better" he waggled his eyebrows.   
"Jamie!" Lilly blushed. Raven giggled.  
"What? I can't help it you're beautiful and I notice you." He kissed her nose. "Especially now that I can say that" he chuckled in her ear.   
“I’ll make a note to remember that” she smiled. He grinned at her. He had a pair of tortoise shell rimmed square glasses. Lilly couldn’t help but smile at him. “Don’t ever listen to anything Renee tells you again. Those glasses are just so you. They make you look like the cool professor and very, very chic as well as other things I won’t mention” she smiled and winked at him. He smiled bit at her. It was obvious he was happy. He got her approval. “Here let me see how blind those cute chocolate browns are” she took them off of him and he had to adjust his sight. She put them on and blinked a few times. He squealed like a little girl. “Now I know what you mean. You look so sexy in my brainy specs.” She looked at him and laughed. “Here honey you need these back” she put them back on him. “I like the brainy specs and you should DEFINITELY wear them to work. Just let me know beforehand because I’m sure I’ll be fighting some people of you” she kissed him. In all honesty they forgot where they were. “Oh aren’t the two of you just so cute!” Nathan smiled and caught them both off guard. They both blushed sheepishly then James remembered he was taking Serenity out to play.  
In the afternoon, Serenity’s friend Kaylee came over to play. The snow had fallen and it began to accumulate. That meant one thing. It was on like Donkey Kong when it came to a snowball fight. The girls against the boys and they spared no shame. Lilly hit Nathan in the face with a line drive only to be picked up and thrown in the snow. Serenity and Kaylee built snow people and Raven went in to make hot chocolate. Lilly hit James on the arm, “you’re it” and started running. He chased her down behind a shed and they fell to the ground laughing. He kissed her and the kiss started getting heated. Then Lilly stopped them. “We can’t not here… not…now.”  
“I know Lils…I’m sorry I…”  
“No it’s ok” she put her hand on his cheek. “I love you Jamie. I love you with all of my heart but I’m not ready for that yet.”  
“I know sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. Part of him wanted to extremely badly but something inside told him not to. She wasn’t ready and he was scared he’d push her away and lose her. Truth was he wanted there to be no secrets between them before they took that step. But how do you tell the woman you love that you are part alien? He laid down next to her in the snow. She snuggled up next to him. “Thank you” she said softly.  
“For what?”  
“For everything, for being my friend, for loving me, for today, for last night for everything for being my true hero. This has been the best day of my life and I honestly mean that. For the first time in my life Jamie I feel like I have a family. That’s the greatest present anyone could have given me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart” she leaned over and kissed him but she took a great big handful of snow and shoved it in his face. “LILLY!” he started laughing. “I will get you back for that!”  
“You have to catch me first pretty boy” she started running.  
“Actually keep running I kinda like the view” he shouted and that made her squeal and run away faster. He started laughing at her school girl shyness then he fell back and looked up at the sky. For once in his life he didn’t miss the Tardis, he didn’t miss the stars, he didn’t miss the traveling. He had everything he needed in a 5’5” beautiful blue eyed blond. “Thanks Rose” he said to the universe “Thanks for choosing him.” He got up and walked back into the house. She still had snowflakes on her hair but she was dancing around with Kaylee and Serenity. Having a daughter with you might not be so bad Raindrop. She could be our little snowflake.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

December 27, 2011  
Hey sweet pea!  
Oh Schmitty I have so much to tell you! A lot has happened since the last time I wrote and that was just a couple days ago. I got a call from James only it was little girl on the line long story short he wanted me to come to Scotland. ME!!! Someone wanted me on Christmas Eve to come spend time with them. At first I wasn’t going to because of the rule but then I decided to do it. I’m so glad I did. My life has been changed in so many ways for the better! We had Christmas Eve midnight stargazing picnic and he kissed me! Oh my God he kissed me! I haven’t been this excited about a kiss since I was 10 in Jacob’s backyard by our tree. We were each other’s first kiss. Christmas morning I woke up by the fireplace with him lying next to me. I’ve never had anyone actually want truly want me not out of pity at Christmas. And it gets better. He saw me have a massive panic attack. One of those hiding in the closet attacks and he actually sat in there with me. Not even Lucas has done that. Then to beat it all for the first time in my life someone told me they loved me!!!!! Oh my God I’m in tears just thinking about it now. For the first time in my life I know what love feels like. It’s wrapped up in this 6’1 brown haired, brown eyed gorgeous British man. Schmitty I’m so excited. I am just oh my God I couldn’t be more over the moon if I tried. Did I mention he’s pretty? I have a thing for pretty boys and yep I got me one. EEEEEKKKK sorry I’m so excited. Um I hope you had as great a Christmas as I had! Love always Raindrop  
All the time James and Lilly spent together before Christmas they never went to each other’s homes. After spending a couple days with Raven, Nathan, and Serenity Lilly and James drove back to England. They were both exhausted but neither one wanted to leave the other. “Lilly I don’t mean to be forward and I can stay on the couch but if you’re exhausted you are more than welcome to come stay at my house.”  
“We’ll see who’s house is closer” she laughed “you can come stay at mine. In fact if you want you can come over anytime you like I don’t mind.”  
“Really?” he smiled big at her.  
“Oh yes” she smiled at him.  
“You might wish you hadn’t said that” he laughed.  
“I’ll just have to look and see if banana trees can grow in England.” They both giggled. “I’m actually just around the corner here.”  
“Wait…where are we?” he looked around “no way” he smiled. “No way”  
“What? My house is this street Clover Court.” James threw his head back laughing. Oh you crazy girl you knew all along didn’t you? That’s why you wanted that empty lot and for me to build a house there didn’t you? He felt the Tardis hum a hum of I told you so. “What’s so funny?”  
“You are never going to believe this love”  
“What?”  
“When I first moved here I couldn’t find a house at all that I liked. Everything was too small or too many walls or something. I nearly drove my friend nuts trying to find a place. He suggested I build a house. There was a vacant lot…turn left here” she did as he said. “That’s my house.”  
“no way!” she laughed “no freaking way! I used to literally come by here every day because I wanted to see the progress on it! that’s your house?”  
“Yes!”  
“That is hysterical! All this time you were literally in my back yard. Oh my God this is precious!” she pulled up to his driveway on Shea Street. “I have loved this house forever. It caught my eye because it’s royal blue. Not many people would dare paint a house that color.”  
“I’m not like most people” he beamed at her. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled.  
“No you most certainly are not Dr. Noble” he leaned down and kissed her.  
“Come on I want to show you home sweet home.” He took her hand and lead her into the foyer. The house was open concept and huge. “Wow you would never guess it from the outside but it’s so much bigger on the inside” yes! She said it! James giggled to himself. She looked around at all of the books he had. The kitchen was enormous. “It’s a good thing you have a nice kitchen. I can’t cook so our five kids would starve unless you cook” she laughed at him.  
“I can teach you how to cook.”  
“It wouldn’t do any good. I get distracted and forget and burn the house down” she laughed and scratched his sideburns. He said something to her but she wasn’t paying attention. “Huh?” she looked at him. “See I told you distracted” he kissed her forehead. He gave her a grand tour of home sweet home. “Just so you know, I’m going to do something to my bathroom so I have an excuse to come over here and take a shower in yours” she chuckled. “I’ll warn you though ahead of time so you can get any other girlfriends out of the way.”  
“Oh yeah like they’re oh wait let me see someone might be in my bedroom” he ran upstairs. She followed him laughing.  
They went out to the backyard next. “This is my favorite place in the world.” He sighed softly. She started laughing. He looked at her. “What?” she couldn’t stop laughing. “What?” she had tears pouring down her cheeks. “Oh my God” she gasped for air and pointed behind him. He turned around all he saw was the Tardis. “What’s so funny?”  
“Only you sweetheart only you and that’s why I love you.” She kissed him. “As much as you hate pears, you freaking literally threw one at me when I tried to get you to eat one, have a pear tree growing in your back yard. I take back about your bathroom. THIS is my favorite place in the house” she laughed and went over and actually hugged the tree. James smiled but he almost panicked. He wasn’t ready to tell her about the Tardis yet. Don’t worry she’s fine a hum came to him. “Come here cutie or um my favorite pear” she laughed. He groaned at her. Just because the Tardis liked her, she really liked Lilly James could tell, she dropped a pear a single pear right by Lilly’s hand. That sent Lilly into hysterical fits. “Oh my God I’m so tired.” She was crying. “How much do you love me? Hmm should I or shouldn’t I eat this pear” she was teasing him. He sat down next to her. “Well if you don’t eat the pear remember what happened behind the shed” he smiled at her. She had her mouth open about ready to take a bite. He grinned at her and held out his hand. She laid the pear in his hand and he threw it behind him. He leaned over and kissed her. Then he started tickling her. “Hey that’s not fair” she laughed “I was expecting something great”  
“Oh it’ll be great alright.”  
"JAMIE!" he was kinda serious but they were both laughing. He moved her over to her spot which was on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she leaned back. He kissed her temple and they sat back against the tree. He put his hands over hers and entwined their fingers together. “Jamie”  
“Yeah sweetheart”  
“Can we do this every night?”  
“Sweetheart I think a tour of my house would get boring every night” he kissed her head. She gently elbowed him. He chuckled in her ear. “I’d stargaze anywhere with you my precious girl.” She smiled at that.  
“I like it when you call me that.”  
“What?”  
“Your precious girl. I don’t know why I just I like it.”  
“That’s because you are. You are my sweet and sassy precious girl.” He laid his head against her head. “So tell me beautiful what has Orion been up to recently?”

He didn’t want to let her go. He wanted to keep her in his arms all night. He wanted to wake up with her next to him again like he did Christmas morning but when it got too cold and a little too dark he walked her home through the alley behind her house. They did that every night. He’d come over in the morning and she’d come over in the evening. They spent all of their time together. The pear tree was their spot. So many times he looked at her and wanted to tell her about his special pear tree. So many times she wanted to tell him about Schmitty but alas as they rang in the new year their secrets were still their own.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Jack didn’t talk to James often but one day there was a knock on his door. James couldn’t sleep so he tried to take a trip but only landed in Cardiff. He and Lilly had officially been together about a month. They were back in school and the gala took up a lot of their time they would be spending together. She told him she’d help but she was afraid she’d take over and it’s his gig. She wants him to be the sole director. He loved her for it. He would come and ask her advice and she’d help him but this was definitely his baby. Now that it’s getting closer and he’s not got to spend as much time with her as he liked he’s starting to feel guilty about everything. He wanted to tell her but he didn’t know how. One look at Jack and Jack started laughing. “Oh you have it so bad Doctor. You are head over heels in love with her.” James just growled at him. “How do I approach it? Oh yeah Happy Valentine’s Day love by the way I’m an alien from a planet you’ve never heard of and doesn’t exist anymore. Do you want to get married?”  
“Hold on are you thinking of marrying her?”  
“Yes…no…I don’t know that’s not the point. I know she’s tied to my timeline. It’s been 25 years. I’m just…I’m mortified that I’ll tell her and she won’t want me. I mean…Rose didn’t even want me and she knew me from a long time ago how am I supposed to deal with that now?”  
“That’s what you’re truly afraid of. She’ll ditch you because you’re not human. Have you two….” It took a while for James to pick up what Jack was putting down. “Danced? No. I don’t think she’s ready. She’s been hurt so much I just…I don’t want to be another one in a long line of people that hurt her.” James looked down and started fiddling with the paperclips on Jack’s desk. Jack could see something different in his friend. This was completely different than what he saw with The Doctor and Rose. “You really love her don’t you?”  
“Yeah I do Jack. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”  
“Well when am I going to get to meet Miss Wonderful?” Jack smiled at him big.  
“Can you come to the Gala on the 17th?”  
“I can’t I’m sorry. One of my dearest friends is wanting me to go to this science thing on the 17th. Said her…” Jack looked at James . He looked in his drawer at the ticket he had. “Said her what?”  
“James what did you say your girlfriend’s name is?”  
“Lilly” Jack got the biggest, shittiest grin on his face.  
“What?”  
“Your gala is the 17th right? At The Copper Institute Observatory?”  
“Yeah”  
“Oh I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world” Jack laughed. “Oh this is just FINALLY!!! FINALLY!!! FINALLY!!!” He laughed.  
“What’s so?” James was a little more than confused now.  
“James I have to ask you something and I want you to be brutally honest with yourself.”  
“Ok”  
“Do you still love Rose?”  
“What does that have to do with anything?”  
“Well do you?”  
“I … I …” James didn’t know how to answer. It’s been years since he saw her. What would happen if he ran into her again? Is he over her or would old wounds open up again? He didn’t want to do that to Lilly. She deserved better than that. “A… a … part of me I think will always love Rose but she made her choice. She chose him. Have you seen her recently?”  
“Yeah they stop…” before he could finish that sentence there was a knock on the door. James knew who it was. He could feel his old Tardis in his head. For the first time in years he was going to see his other self. He got up to leave. “Rosie!” he heard Jack say happily. “Don’t you dare leave Spaceman! You were wanting to know what would happen if you ran into her. Now’s your chance.”  
James stood there watching Jack hug Rose. John came in afterwards. He still looked like him. He hadn’t regenerated. James thought he might have and left him the coat because his new body didnt want to wear it. “Hello Doctor” James was trying to not be petty about the situation. “I see you found the coat.”  
“DON’T get him started on that!” Rose said sternly. He looked at her and got the answer he wanted. Yes Rose was pretty but she was no wear nearly as beautiful as his Lilly. She was older now of course but when he looked at her, there was nothing there. There wasn’t even any animosity toward the two of them. In fact what it actually did was make him miss his Lilly more. “Hello Doctor” John , The Full Time Lord, said. “I see you found you another one.”  
“Yes I did actually thank you. My girlfriend and I went shopping and we found it. Actually what’s funny is she saw it and without me saying anything immediately said it reminded her of me. Thank you for putting it in the shop.”  
“You’re welcome”  
“Hold on you’re dating someone?” Rose asked. He knew that tone. She got that tone when she got jealous over Mickey, Reinette, others. What like I’m supposed to pine over you all of my life? It actually made him feel good. She was a little bit jealous. “Yeah actually I am. It’s been great. We spent the holidays in Scotland together, we have midnight stargazing picnics. She’s a great doctor herself.”  
“She’s a doctor?” Rose asked  
“Yeah well we work together she teaches astrophysics but she’s also a neurosurgeon.”  
“Wow if she does all that how does she have time to date you?” Rose’s brown eyes were turning green. “Easy I’m a Time Lord. Actually” James looked at his other self “he’s met her before as well.” Rose turned and looked at The Doctor. John looked at James puzzled. James was actually feeling vindicated.  
“I have?”  
“Yes”  
“When what’s her name?”  
“Raindrop”  
“NO!” John got the shocked look on his face.  
“Yes!”  
“Are you serious?”  
“Raindrop? Sounds like a stripper's name. Sure she isn’t playing doctor?” Rose snarked at him. James gave her The Oncoming Storm glare. John wasn’t too happy with her either. “I was actually just thinking about her the other day.”  
“Go ahead and tell the story…Schmitty” James looked at The Doctor. Rose was giving him one of her glares. James smiled as he realized after all this time he definitely got the better end of the deal. Lilly was a lot of things but she was never manipulative or bitchy to him. She let him be himself and if she thought she over stepped her boundaries she always apologized. Rose had The Doctor pulled by his sideburns. For all of Lilly’s insecurities, she was still a gracious woman, she was classy and gracious and to James that made her extremely sexy. “It was my…our 9th body. The Time War had just ended. I didn’t even know what I looked like because I had just regenerated. The Tardis brought me to Los Angeles in 1987. There was this girl in this bar and she looked like she needed a friend. I started talking to her and we hit it off. We spent all night at a diner talking and in the morning I took her home. She told me her name was Angel Rayne so I nicknamed her Raindrop. She nicknamed me Schmitty.” James had a grin on his face at the memory also because he noticed how jealous Rose was getting. “But how?” John looked at him.  
“I literally ran into her at work. Remember that school we told her we worked at for like a month? She works there now. You should see her Theta. She’s absolutely fantastic.” James was beaming now. John just smiled at him. He also noticed he called him by their childhood nickname Theta. That wasn’t something he told anyone. He could see his ‘brother’ was truly happy. “She’s so smart. She teaches astrophysics. She’s helping me out with a fundraiser on the 17th. You should come by and I’ll introduce you. Oh” he forgot about his phone, “here’s a picture of her now.” James showed him a picture of the two of them on Christmas. They were laughing and she had a snowball getting ready to shove it in his face. John smiled at the picture. She truly turned out beautiful didn’t she Theta? Our little Raindrop grew up to be a gorgeous woman. I’m happy for you I truly am happy you have found love. He said into his brother’s head.  
I know I was bitter and angry at you and at Rose but I understand completely. Thank you for making me and I do hope that we can be brothers if nothing else then at least friends. There’s just the two of us left. James said into his brother’s head. “I’d like that” John smiled at his brother. They gave each other a hug. They held on a little longer than what one would normally think was appropriate. “She seems to have done you a world of good” John told his brother when they let go.  
“She has. She’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”  
“Does she know about you?” Rose asked. She was clearly getting a little jealous.  
“No not yet” he got quiet. “I don’t know how I’ll tell her but I’d like to tell her before Valentine’s Day.”  
“Um I might be able to help on that” Jack smiled his killer smile.  
“What do you mean?” James looked at him suspiciously.  
“Um let me just make sure. Your Lilly is about Rose’s height, blue eyes, blond hair has a smile that would melt a Cyberman?”  
“Yeah that’s a good way of putting it” he laughed.  
“Um” Jack took out his phone and found a picture. “Is this her?” Jack smiled.  
“WHAT?....WHAT?...WHAT?” both of The Doctors said in unison. Somethings never change.  
“How…but…how do you know Lilly?” James asked.  
“Well um has she told you about her three best friends?”  
“Yeah Jake, Lucas and NO! NO WAY! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU’RE JACK? YOU’RE THE JACK?” Jack just smiled a big grin.  
“Wait so all those years ago in the diner when Angel uh Lilly told us about her friends you’re the Jack she was talking about?” The Doctor, John, asked.  
“Sounds like she gets around” Rose mumbled. James looked at her and glared.  
“She’s not like that” Jack growled at Rose. James never saw Jack get upset at Rose before. He didn’t appreciate what Rose was implying. “I’ve known Lilly longer than you have been alive. When I was reliving the 20th century I went to school in America. My dorm mate was a guy named Lucas Ashton. We hit it off and for July 4th weekend we went back to his hometown. I met Lilly and she’s been my sister ever since.”  
“How come you never said?”  
“You never told me Miss Wonderful’s name. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together. My two best friends being in love at the same time? She talks about you ALL THE TIME.” James just beamed at Jack.  
“Really?” he had a cheesy grin on his face.  
“She actually works here sometimes.”  
“Really?” both of The Doctors asked.  
“Yeah your office, the place you used to crash before you built your house, that’s her office.” James just had a cheesy Cheshire cat smile on his face. “Those maps and charts you liked, she made them.” Jack showed John Lilly’s office. The Doctor was proud of the charts and maps of the stars. James was even more proud knowing that the love of his life was the one that designed them.  
Having enough of talking about another woman Rose looked at Jack. “So Jack what have you been up to?” Jack started talking to Rose about the goings on of Torchwood. The two Doctors sat there but they were really in each other’s heads. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make her upset.  
It’s OK. you know how jealous she gets over other women.  
I didn’t want to say anything in front of Rose. Well Jack knows but I saw Susan.  
Our Susan?  
Yeah I went to Coal Hill just before we landed and taught there for a few months. I saw our first body. He actually thought I was Susan’s boyfriend.  
I don’t remember that.  
Well you wouldn’t you know the two of us being there. So how are things between the two of you?  
We’re fine  
Is that it?  
We just fought the Cybermen for the 150th time.  
Sure its not 151st  
Don’t start that again. She’s starting to miss Jackie. I think it’s finally hitting her the choice she made.  
I’m so sorry Theta.  
Yeah how long has it been now?  
Three years  
Wow  
I really am glad you came here tonight. I’m glad we made amends.  
Me too and I’m really glad you are happy.  
Thank you and I mean it I’d love for you to come to the gala. I’d like you to meet Lilly again.  
I might just do it he looked at his brother and smiled.  
After spending a few hours with Rose and The Doctor, James knew he was over Rose. She was great and she did help make him better a long time ago but this him, this part human him, needed something more than Rose could ever give him and he found it in his precious girl. He realized he was actually starting to miss his Basket Girl. It was 2:57 am. She’d more than likely be asleep but he sent her a text. Thank you for making my life better. I love you to the moon and back 10 and a half times over.  
I love you too Astro Boy 😊 ❤️❤️ she replied a few minutes later. If you can’t sleep I’ll unlock the door you can come over.  
Get you some sleep sweetheart. I didn’t mean to wake you.  
You didn’t I was awake.  
Something wrong?  
Just … never mind  
What’s wrong love?  
Nightmares I’m sorry get you some sleep sweetie I’ll see you in the morning.  
Want me to come over?  
Lol I always want you to come over 😉  
Unlock the door, put the kettle on and I’ll be home in a few minutes  
Done and done I love you Jamie  
I love you too he didn’t even realized he referred to her house as home. He looked up and Jack and The Doctor were staring at each him. “What?” he asked confused.  
“Does he always have that dumb look on his face when he’s talking to her?”  
“OI you should talk!” Jack laughed “but yeah”  
“Shut up” James laughed. “It’s great seeing you guys again but I’m going to head home.”  
“James” he looked at Jack. “It goes without saying. You break her heart and Time Lord or not I’ll break your neck. Understood?” James shook his head he understood clearly.  
“We should probably be leaving too” The Doctor looked at Rose. “Places to see planets to save.” She just smiled at him. They bid their goodbyes to Jack and walked out of Torchwood. “Since when does Torchwood have a pear tree?” Rose asked. James laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Um that’s my Tardis.”  
“Your Tardis is a pear tree?” The Doctor looked at him aghast. “Don’t tell me you like pears.”  
“What? NO! I HATE PEARS!! But she has a sense of humor this one and thinks it’s hilarious. Lilly thinks it’s hilarious the one place I live has a pear tree. She doesn’t know about the Tardis. When I tell her though if she’ll go with me the first place I’m going to take her is Barcelona.”  
“Oh I remember her face when I told her about the dream” The Doctor laughed.  
“Weren’t you going to take me there Doctor?” Rose asked.  
“Yeah I was wasn’t I? We’ll go there in a few minutes. Well I best be off. It’s good to see you again Doctor.”  
“You too Doctor” James smiled and hugged his brother. The full Time Lord went into the Tardis. Rose was about to go in.  
“Rose”  
“Yes James” she turned and looked at him. He noticed she was the only one that didn’t call him Doctor. He was OK with it. “Thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“For choosing him.” He meant it with all sincerity.  
“Yeah well it was easy. You’re not him” she got snarky.  
“At least I know what it’s like to be both human and Time Lord. I’ve learned a lot in these last three years. One of them was being honest and that’s what I’m being honest. I’m glad you guys are together and I wish you the best of luck.” James walked to his pear tree.   
He set the coordinates back to his house about five minutes after his text from Lilly. He put his pajamas on and looked through the alley. Her light was on. He smiled and walked over to her door. He let himself in. She was sitting at the table texting. “Texting your boyfriend again I see” he smiled at her. She laughed and came up and gave him a great big hug. He held on to her for a little longer than normal. She didn’t mind. “He said to tell you hi by the way” she laughed in his ear. He squeezed her tight. “I love you precious girl.”  
“I love you too” she kissed his cheek. The tea kettle going off broke them apart.  
He got her mug and his mug. He made her tea just like she liked it. “God this feels good”  
“What does?”  
“Having you here with me at three am drinking tea” she smiled at him. “Thanks for coming over sweetheart.”  
“Lilly there’s no place I’d rather be” he leaned over and kissed her forehead. She loved it when he did that. She took her mug to the sink and rinsed it out. She came back over to him and took his hand. “Would you mind staying with me tonight?” he saw the fear in her eyes. Whatever her night mare was about she was scared. “I wouldn’t mind staying anywhere with you love” he wrapped his arms around her.   
“Thank you Hedgie” she took his hand and lead him back to her room. She got under the covers and he laid down next to her. He wrapped his arm around her tightly and before he knew it she was fast asleep. “Yeah I definitely got the better end of the deal” he kissed her head and fell asleep next to her.


	28. Chapter 28

It had been a few days since James talked to Jack. However he was curious just how much Lilly knew. He didn’t really want to go into something blindsided. He has been coming over to see her and staying at her house. Truthfully he’s loved every second of it. She told him she needed to go shopping for a few things and he politely declined going with her even though she gave him the puppy dog eyes. “I’m sorry Lils you don’t want me shopping with you” he chuckled. She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Oi” he called after her. She turned around. “You be careful. I don’t want anything hurting my favorite girl.”  
“Ha nothing’s going to get me cutie. If they did they’d just throw me back” she laughed at him and left. He had a weird feeling about leaving her but he didn’t want to seem possessive. Truth was he didn’t want to be alone. He paid Jack a visit. “Well look who decided to grace us with his presence” he laughed at James. He just grinned. “Ok so you’re without your better half so a) that means you haven’t told her and b) she’s probably shopping or something because you don’t do domestics” James just looked at him. “Alright what is it?” They went to Jack’s office and sat down. “Ok I never betray a friend’s confidence but I will say someone is feeling guilty about not telling you about Torchwood.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“She’s wanting to tell you about me but she’s afraid of how you’ll react. I told her it was OK to tell you and I swore we wouldn’t retcon you.”  
“Try and retcon me and you’ll be put out into a black hole Harkness. What else did she say?”  
“Nothing really but I don’t know who’s got it worse you or her” he chuckled “this is so great! My two best friends are in love with each other. You better tell her though before she comes to work here and you magically show up here.”  
“What all does she do here?”  
“Really just the scientific stuff. She filled in for Owen a lot and she’s really like a liaison between us and the aliens.”  
“So she’s not in the field?”  
“No” Jack chuckled and James let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I love Lilly more than anything but she’s not a soldier. Don’t get me wrong she could fight if she needed to but she would feel guilty about it. The guilt would overtake her. She’d be asking for a freaking Dalek’s forgiveness believe me I’ve seen it.”  
“She’s dealt with Daleks?”  
“Doctor she’s dealt with Daleks, Cybermen, Weevils, you name it. she’s actually really good at her job here. I think you’d be extremely proud of her.”  
“I am proud of her I’m just”  
“Worried I get it. That’s why I don’t allow her out in the field it’s too dangerous. She’s a strong woman but she doesn’t have the stomach to kill anything. She won’t even kill a spider James. God's honest truth. She literally gets a broom and sweeps it outside.” James smiled with pride. “Also she’s a huge fan of yours” Jack smiled.  
“Well I hope so” James chuckled “I mean I am dating her.”  
“No I mean…you know what a fan girl is?”  
“No”  
“It’s someone that’s a big fan of someone. Like their number one fan.”  
“OK”  
“She knows about The Doctor.”  
“WHAT?”  
“We got to talking one night and I told her about my travels with The Doctor. I promised her if he uh you ever came around and she was around I’d introduce her to him uh you.”  
“Thanks” James said flatly.  
“She knows about how you saved the world and things. She just doesn’t know it’s you. You’re kinda like a superhero to her or something.”  
“Oh that’s just even better” he said sarcastically.  
“She knows about Time Lords and Gallifrey but she doesn’t know what happened to it. She was always curious about The Doctor from a science perspective. She wouldn’t dissect you or anything unless you know that’s something you two want to experiment with” Jack laughed.  
“Jack” he gave him the stern look.  
“When she found out that Rose, Mickey and Jackie were dead or we thought they were dead she was crushed. She never met any of you but she felt like she lost a dear friend. She’s an empath you know.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah a really big one. She doesn’t quite understand it really but she knows or senses when something’s going to happen. I think these nightmares she’s been having I don’t know if they’re about the future or her past.”  
“What happened to her Jack? She seems so scared and lost and like a little girl at times.”  
“That’s” Jack sighed “that’s something she’ll have to tell you when she’s ready.”  
“Do you think when I tell Lilly the truth she’s going to want to meet HIM? I’m afraid it’s going to be Rose all over and I can’t … I won’t do that again.”  
“It won’t be Rose”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because I know Lilly. She’s fascinated by The Doctor’s adventures and curious about the science behind it and everything but she loves, absolutely loves you. It’s taken a long, long time but finally someone is replacing Lucas.”  
“What do you mean? What happened with her and Lucas?”  
“Oh nothing” Jack laughed “he’s just her favorite cub. She will protect him over any of us but now it’s you. So if you feel over protected just tell her to dial it back. She means well but she can get ahead of herself. She loves you more than life itself. And I know Lilly that’s going to scare her to death. She’s going to start pushing you away. Don’t let her do that to you. She needs you and more importantly you need her. Just James when she starts imploding on herself don’t let her fall off the cliff.” James and Jack had tea and talked for a long time. He was glad Lilly had Jack as a friend. He was also glad Jack had Lilly as a friend they both needed each other and James needed them both.  
While she wasn’t taking trips, James wandered around the Tardis. She would allow him to go into the vortex to get away. He knew he had to tell Lilly he just didn’t know how to. He could feel a fixed point coming on. He was afraid that was going to be the true test of their relationship. He spent several days in the Tardis just thinking. “How do I tell her old girl?” the Tardis hummed in his head. He knew the Tardis liked Lilly. She liked her a lot. Many times Lilly’s commented that his pear tree was relaxing her. James wanted to tell her it’s because it’s sentient.  
After three weeks in the Tardis, James went back to the time about fifteen minutes after Lilly arrived. She had given him a key to her house and he the same and he let himself in. Normally he’d let her know when he was coming over but the Tardis just told him she needed him. “Lilly” he said quietly in case she was asleep. He didn’t want to disrupt her. He walked by her room and she was sitting up rocking back and forth clutching her pillow. He knew the sign. She had a nightmare. “Hey sweetheart what’s wrong?” she looked up at him with big sad eyes. Jack warned him she might be like this. Usually this time of year, the dead of winter, was hard on her. “I need you” she said softly. He sat his keys on the dresser and took off his shoes. He sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m here precious I’m here” she fell apart on him.


	29. Chapter 29

It had been coming on for a long while. She's been fighting it and fighting it. The thoughts in her head were getting louder and louder. Her instinct was kicking in so she did the precautionary tales. She removed the razors, knives, sharp objects and placed them in a bag. She removed all antifreeze and anything that she could use. She stopped watching her true crime shows as they were giving her ideas. She took a shower and put her pajamas on. She laid on the bed and prayed her medicine would either work or she'd not wake up. She stared at the baby blue wall in her bedroom. The curtains were drawn and her eyes danced across the wall her mind racing with the horrible thoughts. She was exhausted. For the first time since they have been dating she didn't go see James. She just couldn't face him again.   
Her journal went untouched, her hair was knotted and a mess. She was too tired to even go to the bathroom and often didn't even realize she needed to go until it was almost too late. Nothing cheered her up. She watched cartoons, Bugs Bunny being her hero, she watched things about cats and kittens. She tried playing solitaire nothing was helping her. The sun lamp by her bed gave her a headache now and it didn't help any longer. This was only day two. Jack, Lucas, James, Jake all tried calling. Bernard, Gwen, Gracie everyone tried reaching out to her. She just couldn't stand the thoughts of talking to anyone. Tears poured down her face as the thoughts kept happening. Her heart was broken and no one would be able to fix it this time.

February 1, 2012  
Hey it’s me,  
I’m scared Schmitty I’m so freaking scared. I’m going to lose him I just know it. This gala is coming up and things have gotten crazy with the last minute prep. It’s been on me to tell him about Torchwood but I just can’t. I don’t want him to think I’m crazier than he already thinks I am. He’s been a God send and I’m scared to death I’m going to lose that. He loves me I know he does but when will it end? I mean J and Lukie don’t even know about Torchwood . It’s been bothering me so badly I’ve been having panic attacks again. I’ve had nightmares that I’ve told him and he’s just looked at me like I was crazy and told me he didn’t want anything to do with me. I’ve had nightmares we’ve been um together and when he saw the scars he got up and left. I’ve also had dreams that we’ve been together and when I open my eyes its Matthew. This stress is getting to me. I can’t deal with this anymore. Next month I go back to America for three weeks. Maybe I should just stay and let him find someone else, someone he’s better suited for. I haven’t been to work this week because of the panic attacks and the depression. I need a shower but I literally can’t even get out of bed. I’m so tired and weak. Every night I just pray that it all ends and I don’t have to hurt anymore. He’s probably mad at me. I haven’t seen him all week. That’s fine he deserves better. I don’t want him to see me like this anyway. I’m sorry Schmitty. Things were so well but now I’m back to where I was a long time ago. Let me tell you, mental illness sucks.  
Sad and depressed  
Raindrop


	30. Chapter 30

Maybe it was wrong but the week Lilly was out James didn’t go see her. He was honestly busy with midterms and the gala but honestly he didn’t feel up to it. He was drained from everything. It aggravated him to no end that she wouldn’t tell him what was wrong and it was bothering him because he wanted to help her. Jack was right. She was starting to push him away. She was starting to implode on herself.  
James sat out by the Tardis like he always did. He’d wait for her and she’d never come out. It was Friday night and that meant they stayed out longer than normal. He looked up and saw Orion in the sky. That was Lilly’s favorite. He actually found her some pajamas with Orion on them. They were her new favorite. He saw her wear them all the time. “Lilly love I wish you’d come out here with me” he sighed and drank his drink. “Go get her Spaceman! She needs you” Donna shrilled in his head. He fought her off for a long time but when a shooting star came through and the Tardis sent him an urgent hum he went to her house.  
He walked in and of course he found her curled up in a ball on her bed with her blankets pulled up and staring out the window. “The view’s better outside.” She didn’t say anything. He sat down next to her and she just stared catatonic out the window. He looked and saw all kinds of pill bottles by her dresser. He was starting to get worried but kept his cool. “Your boy’s out tonight. He even shot an arrow through the sky because he’s trying to find you.” He pushed the hair away from her face. He felt the tear stains on her cheeks but she didn’t say anything. “Lilly I wish you’d come out there with me.”  
“Leave me alone please” she said softly and started sobbing. James' single heart was breaking.   
“I can’t do that Blondie. I left you alone all week.”  
“Please Jamie. I don’t want to be a burden just please leave me alone.” She pleaded with him.  
“Come on beautiful you know you could never be a burden to me.” He picked up a bottle and saw the prescription was for antidepressants but nothing she could do serious harm to herself on. "You don't have to worry. I can't OD on them. I removed everything that could cause me harm." He took her hand and tried to yank her out of bed. She wouldn’t budge. Now he was getting frustrated. “OK Lils others may have let you implode on yourself all these years but I won’t. I love you too much to see you go down this rabbit hole. Now come on Blondie you’re coming outside with me!” he yanked the covers off of her. She gave him the look of death and yanked them back. “Get out of here you son of a bitch before I call the cops!” Now she was getting angry which is what he wanted. Being angry was a lot better than being depressed.  
The whiff of someone needing a shower drowning in their own stench struck him. His beautiful precious girl was so distraught she let herself get like this. Her hair was a mess and her skin clammy. The beautiful woman he loved so much had become a shell of herself over the past week. He knew it was oncoming and has been for a while but something about this past week has really done her in. Her sun lamp was unplugged everything she did to fight was out the window now. Now he was in fight mode. He was going to fight for his woman, his wife. In his heart he knew she would be the one he'd marry some day. He was not going to let mental illness take her down.   
“Do it Lilly! Call the cops. I DARE YOU!”  
“Go away!” she started growling at him. He actually liked it because it was more than she’s shown all week.She was so angry the color in her face was coming back. Progress! “Good! Good that’s it get mad at me” he yanked the covers off again and threw them in the corner. “DAMN YOU JAMES! DAMN YOU! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY! JUST GO AWAY!” she got mad at him. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"  
“Good! Good” he smiled “get mad at me Blondie I can take it. I’ve fought demons and monsters a hell of a lot worse than you bring it on Goldilocks!” He started getting in her face. She started hitting his chest and calling him everything but a two hearted alien. “Good that’s good now you’re getting out of your head. Come on Blondie Orion won’t be out much longer.” He grabbed her hand and started to pull her. She instead stood firm to the ground biting her lip and folded her arms. She was not going to budge. "I am not going anywhere with you! I'm never going to do anything with you! I hate you with every fiber of my being!" While that stung like hell James knew she didn't mean it.   
"Let it out Lilly! Yell at me. Tell me what's going on."  
"I want you to go away! I don't want to see you anymore! I don't want to do anything with you! Just leave and take everyone with you."  
"Lilly come on love. You know I'm not going to leave you."  
"Just leave!" she grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. That triggered something in him that he would never have believed was possible. “OK” he smiled “OK have it your way then don’t say I didn’t warn you” he reached down and picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. This shocked both of them. He was never one to be super aggressive like this however for his Raindrop he’d do anything. She started beating on his back with her fists. “James I swear to Holy God you better put me down!” She was kicking and screaming. He slapped her ass hard and laughed. “Nope I quite like the view” he walked out with her on his shoulder.  
Once they arrived at the pear tree then he put her down. “Now talk to me” he said sternly.  
“Oh I have a few words for you alright!” She actually punched him harder than River and Jackie combined. Normally this would get his ire up but the Tardis was sending him a calming vibe. While most people would have left, James to his credit stood there and took it. “How dare you! How dare you! I’ve never been treated like this and believe me I’ve been treated horribly. I’ve been…” she caught herself.  
“TELL ME LILLY TELL ME GET IT OUT!” he was getting in her face. He wasn’t doing it to be mean he was trying to break the wall she was hiding behind. He wanted to get to the bottom of her issues. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME BUT OH NO YOU’RE JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER STUPID APE ON THIS PLANET! YOU’RE PISSED OFF BECAUSE I WON’T FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT BECAUSE I’M A LADY NOW. SO WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU HAVE TO GO ALL CAVEMAN ON ME WELL THE JOKES ON YOU PRETTY BOY!” She turned her head away from him. He knew she was fighting for him to not see her cry. I wonder if she realizes what she just said. I wonder if she’s been thinking about him or uh rather me.   
“You know what’s different about me than every other stupid ape on this planet? Different than Jack, or Jake or Lucas who you love so much? I actually and truly love you that’s what. I sat back and watch you drown yourself in your sadness and sorrow. I watched you go down a dark path and I’ll be damned if I let you continue down that path. I love you with all of my heart and soul and I’m not going to see you destroy yourself. That’s what’s different between me and Lucas, or Jack, or Jacob or anyone else. They won’t fight for you. They let you deal with this on your own. I love you and I’ll fight a fucking Dalek to save your life so I’m sure as hell going to fight you against yourself. You’re mad at me now but guess what. You’re outside. You’re getting fresh air and even more important you have something to direct your focus on besides sadness. I know how depression works Liliana. I know how mental health works. It rips at you and tells you you’re not good enough. It tells you what’s the point. It tells you you’re not good enough and no one will care about you so you stay in bed and just hope tomorrow you can get up and deal with the world. Before you know it, a week has passed and you’re even more miserable than you were last week. I love you too much Lilly to let you keep sliding down this path. So get mad at me punch me, hit me, curse me I don’t care but YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LOSE ME.” He was out of breath now. He sat next to her and kept his mouth shut.  
Lilly sat there in her anger. She was trying so hard to keep her anger and hold on to her emotions. She didn’t want him to see her cry. She was even more angry at herself that she knew he was right. She was going down a dark path again and she needed a good ass kicking to get back in line. It made her mad that he knew that about her but he was right. She was redirecting her feelings towards him and that was getting her out of her head. What made her the most mad was she built the wall up and he knew just how to tear it down. Damn you Noble! Damn you! She looked everywhere but straight ahead. She didn’t want him to see when she was ready finally to break.   
It took a while but finally the crack penetrated enough and she allowed a couple tears to flow. “Get it out sweetheart” he gently ran his fingers down her cheek. She grabbed his hand and held it close to her face. She missed him. She missed seeing him this week. She missed their talks and their walks. She missed him holding her when she had her nightmares. She missed their laughs. She missed the giddy feeling she’d get when she’d wake up and see his hair all over the place sticking up. She missed gently scratching his sideburns while he pretended to be asleep. She missed fantasizing about his bottom lip to the point it drove her insane and she’d walk over to his office just to get a kiss. She missed the silly smile he’d get on his face when she would do that and walk away afterwards. She missed the silly text he’d send her fantasizing about me again? Because she knew she was busted. She missed wearing those jeans he liked just because she liked catching him looking at her bum. She never realized how many silly things she missed out on this week because of her stupid seasonal affective disorder. Her depression made her miss out on so many things. It angered her. She knew life was too short and those moments she missed out on she’d never get back. That made her even more angry. Her Capricorn streak was getting fired up. She wanted to fight this depression now. For once in her life she had a reason to fight. She was going to overcome this. With James’ help she would beat this. It wouldn’t be any more if I make it to March I’ll be OK. She was going to fight her disorder like the champion she was. She wrapped her fingers in with his and turned her head and buried it in his shoulder. “Tell me sweetheart. Whatever it is we’ll get through this together.” He whispered in her ear. She wrapped her arms around his skinny waist. “I'm so sorry" she sobbed. She looked up at him and touched his jaw. It was starting to turn a bluish purple where her fist met his cheek. "I'm so sorry I punched you. Oh my god Jamie I punched you!" She was panicking that she hit him. He to his credit, took her hand and gently squeezed it. "It's going to take a tougher punch than that to hurt me" he smiled at her.   
"I'm ready for it. You can hit me now."  
"What?"  
"I punched you so it's only right you hit me back."  
"Lilly do you really think I'm going to hit you?"  
"Why wouldn't you? That's the way it works. I fought you, you have the right to defend yourself. I'm just grateful I can brace myself before hand."  
"Liliana who told you that?"  
"That's the way it is. I fight back and then I get beat up. That's the way it's always been."  
"Who would beat you up?"  
"Matthew, his minions, anyone that I said no too."  
"My precious girl no love that's not how it works. if someone hits you, you tell me and i'll take care of it myself. that ends now. No one lays a hand on my basket girl without her permission!"  
"Promise me?" she looked up at him pitifully.  
"Absolutely" he kissed her head.  
"I love you Jamie" she laid her head against his chest. He ran his fingers through her knotted and matted hair.   
"i love you too precious girl" he kissed the top of her head feeling the oiliness of her hair. "Now tell me what else is going on?"   
"I … I … I know I shouldn’t listen to her. I know she’s jealous and trying to get under my skin and I’m sorry it worked. She got into my head.”  
“Who”  
“Renee” James growled and kissed her head. “She started saying things and the more she said the more they made sense.”  
“What did she say?”  
“Stupid things like you’re a spy or something. She said in six months you’d be gone and I’d be left alone like I always am. It got me scared especially because the more she pointed it out the more it made sense and got me thinking. We talk all the time but we never say anything. I mean I don’t know I know you teach astronomy but nothing important.”  
“What do you want to know?”  
“I don’t know tell me something.”  
“I love bananas” he smiled at her. She just chuckled but glared at him “I hate pears?” she looked at him. “I don’t like talking about myself well I do but not about important things.”  
“Tell me about your family. Where are you from? Where did you grow up? What’s your favorite color hell when’s your birthday.”  
“Lils I’m not a spy. I’m not going to leave you in six months. She’s just upset because she sees I’m happy and with you and she’s not able to control me anymore. So instead she uses you to get to me.”  
“She said she Googled you and nothing came up.”  
“Have you Googled me?”  
“No”  
“Well then how do you know?”  
“She said there’s no birth record or anything.”  
“Lilly I was born July 5, 1967” OK so that might be a wrong year but it sort of matches up with her age so we’ll have to go with it.  
“Thank you” then he started giving her the cover story that the Tardis and Jack came up with. “I have a twin brother John but we’re not exactly the best of friends. Well we’re getting better I should say.”  
“I’m sorry what happened?” she looked at him innocently.  
“We had a fall out over a girl. I was in love with her and she chose him.”  
“I’m so sorry sweetheart” she moved closer and laid her head on his chest.   
“It’s OK it’s been a few years now. Honestly I saw them a few weeks ago and I realized I definitely got the better end of the deal.” He kissed her head. She broke down in tears. She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry I decked you.”  
“It’s OK love”  
“No it’s not. I shouldn’t have and if you want to hit me back I understand I deserve it.”  
“OK first off I’m not mad at you. I was trying to get you to get it out. Third…no second I’ll never hit you and if anyone ever does try to hit you they will be in huge trouble. Now I know there’s more to it. There’s something you’ve been wanting to tell me for a while. Tell me love.”  
“You’ll think I’m crazy”  
“Lilly I actually dated Renee for a few months. I have no room to judge crazy.” He smiled at her.  
“I uh” she sighed and blew out her cheeks. "Do you believe in angels?”  
“I uh I .. I don’t know. I guess there could be.” Oh yeah I believe in angels. They zap you back in time creepy little monsters.  
“What about aliens?”  
“That I definitely believe in. I’ve seen them to many times to not believe.” Technically I’m in love with one.  
“I’ve encountered both” she said shyly.  
“Oh” James wasn’t sure where his was going. Lilly wasn’t sure where she was going.   
“You know how you always ask me what I’m writing in my notebook?”  
“Yeah”  
“I’m writing to my blue-eyed guardian angel.”  
“OK”  
“See I told you it was stupid.” Lilly was caving in on herself.  
“Honey I didn’t say anything.”  
“I write to him multiple times a day.”  
“Him?…Does he have a name?”  
“Yeah…I call him Schmitty.” James eyes got big as baseballs. Me?! She’s been writing/thinking about me!  
”Schmitty is your angel’s name?’  
“See I told you it was stupid and…”  
“You’ve … you’ve…how long have you been writing to him?” He tugged on his ear nervously.  
“Since 1989” she said sheepishly. James was dumbfounded. She’s been writing to him all these years. He didn’t know what to say. “See I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.” She got up to walk away. He could see her caving in on herself again. He worked too hard to get her to open up to him. “The only way she’s going to open up to you Spaceman is if you open up to her.” Donna’s voice rang through his head. “Come on Lilly please stay.”  
“I can’t I … I need to go home” she started walking back towards her house. All of her gusto from before was now gone. She’d have to take baby steps to overcome this. “Please stay Lilly I promise I don’t think you’re crazy. I promise I don’t think it’s stupid. Please just…please trust me”  
“I’m sorry Jamie I just” he could see the panic in her face. She told a very deep secret to the one person she should always be able to tell secrets too and its scaring her. “Lilly love please don’t leave please I want to hear more about this please.”  
“Jamie I just…I can’t” she started running towards her house.  
“Please Blondie talk to me” she kept running. “Lilly….Basket Girl…” finally she was to her house and he followed her inside. He followed her to her room trying to get her to talk to him. “I just … I can’t…”  
“Please Raindrop talk to me” he said desperately. She stopped dead in her tracks. She turned and looked at him. Her face was as white as a sheet. “Have you been reading my notebooks?”  
“What? No! I would never disrespect your privacy like that.”  
“You’ve been reading my journals!!!” the look of betrayal all over her face.  
“No I haven’t! I would never betray your confidence like that. I’d never betray your privacy Lilly. You know me!”  
“H…h…how did you get that name? W… w …. Why did you call me that? No one knows that name! Not Lucas not Jack not Jake no one HOW DID YOU GET THAT NAME JAMES NOBLE ANSWER ME!” she shouted. She was getting mad. Her face was tomato red and hot.  
“BECAUSE I’M THE ONE THAT GAVE IT TO YOU!” he shouted back.  
“No you are not! Don’t even say that! That’s not funny! He’s probably dead and you’re making fun of me. I trusted you Jamie how could you read my notebooks like that?”  
“I didn’t read your notebooks Lilly. I had no idea what you were writing in there! I still don’t. Until you said you were writing someone named Schmitty. You named me Schmitty because I told you my name was Doctor John Smith and I was a professor of astronomy. You told me your name was Angel Rayne and I named you Raindrop.”  
"How could you know that?"  
"Because it was me! I named you that! I met you in a bar. You were reading a book on astrophysics. I'm the one that wrote you that letter. I'm the one that took you home to your Uncle John and made him promise not to tell you how you got 3000 miles back home in less than 5 minutes. I'm the one that gave you the coat you love. It was me Lilly! All of it every bit of it was me!" He was getting excited and even started pounding his chest.   
"It can't be you! You look nothing like him!"  
"Lilly if it wasn't me then how can I remember this. At Vicky's Diner we sat in a booth and I told you about a dream I had about dogs with no noses. I told you it was in a place called Barcelona. We laughed hysterically at how do they smell?"  
"Terrible" they said in unison. The look on her face was of shock and surprise.  
"Schmitty?"  
"Yes my love it's me."  
"You can't be! You...you...you just can't be." She backed up to the wall.  
"Why can't I be?"  
"Because ... because ... because"  
"I changed Lilly. It's a long and wild story but it's me." James smiled big at Lilly. He walked up to her and put his hand on her cheek. She backed away from him. She was not ready to accept what he was saying. He smiled at her. “There’s no way” she started to get excited. He watched her start to have a panic attack. He was helping her to work through it. “Touch the ground sweetheart” she reached down and did. “Touch the walls” she did “take a deep breath” she did now she was starting to relax. “You’re in shock. Once you’re doing better we’ll go over everything.” He helped her to the bed to sit down.  
“H…h…how can you be him? You look nothing alike. He was 40s blue eyes big ears short brown hair. You’re 30s brown eyes awesome brown hair and hat was 25 years ago!”  
“Easy I moisturize” he smiled at her. She started laughing. It was an inside joke between the two of them that Cassandra looked like a dried up hen and that’s when he said she needs to moisturize. Lilly didn’t know how much of an inside joke that really was. “Seriously Jamie”  
“I’ll...Why have you been writing to him uh me for all those years?”  
“Because I had a therapist told me I needed to tell someone what happened to me all those years ago. I figured who would be the best person but someone I’d never see again” she chuckled. “All these years I…I thought by now you’d be dead.”  
“What happened to you?” he was kind of avoiding the topic as much as possible. He wanted to get some background on her but he didn’t want to tell the whole truth right now either. “I don’t want to talk about it now.”  
“Can I read them?”  
“Maybe someday. You don’t want to read about my daily scribbles” she got shy.  
“Actually I would like to see what happened in your life while I was out of it.”  
“I never told anyone because you were the one who saved my life. I never told anyone about us because it was so private. I .. I… I wondered if you ever thought about me if you even remembered me. I figured you probably didn’t or had a family or something. I … I can’t believe it’s you. God and I even remember writing how much you remind me of him” she laughed “if I only knew how true that statement was. All these years I just wanted to see you one more time. Hear you say fantastic one more time.” She started getting tears in her eyes. “I wondered if I ever met you again what I would say and now I’m completely gone brain dead.” They chuckled together. He put his hand on her cheek. “But you knew all along it was me didn’t you?”  
“Yes I did”  
“Why didn’t you tell me? When we were having tea and I told you about…I showed you the letter you wrote me. Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“I … I … I wanted to so badly Lilly but I didn’t want to scare you. I’ve wanted to tell you so many things but … I was scared. I … I had no idea I made that much of an impact on your life. You handed me that letter and how was I supposed to say yes I remember writing this in that flea bag motel you were staying in?”  
“I … how… I still don’t understand.”  
“Come here Raindrop.” She burst into happy tears and wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her head. “I’ve wanted to call you that for so long. So many times I caught myself. I remember when I ran into you I almost had a heart attack. I couldn’t believe it was you, my precious Angel.” He squeezed her hard. “You see Lilly” he took a deep breath “please with everything I have in me I hope you are ok with this and believe me. I’m not an angel. I’m…I’m…” he sighed “the reason Renee couldn’t find anything on me is because everything is a cover story.” He felt Lilly stiffen up. “I know it’s going to sound weird but I’m actually a homeless alien stranded on Earth.” She didn’t say or do anything. “You believe me?” she wrapped her arms around him tighter.  
“Yeah I do”  
“Are you ok with it?” she was quiet at first. James heart pounded in his ears. Please my precious girl don’t bail on me now.  
“You’re a homeless alien” she said flatly.  
“Yes…yes I am.” He was actually trembling inside.  
“Everything you’ve told me up until this point has been true right? I mean except for the looking human part.”  
“Actually” he took a deep breath “I am part human.”  
“Wow this…this … this gets better all the time doesn’t it” she smiled nervously. James couldn’t really read her reaction.  
“If…if…if you want me to go home…I’ll leave and you won’t…you won’t see me again. If it bothers you.” His heart was breaking. This is what he feared the most. He gave her a few seconds and she didn’t respond. This…this…this is why Time Lords were banned from falling in love especially with lesser species. He took her silence as nonacceptance. He stood up and went to leave. “Oh don’t you dare pretty boy. You come back here right now. I’m not getting manhandled by some Martian only to have him walk out on me because he thinks my stupid ape brain can’t handle the fact that he’s not fully human even though he’s the most gorgeous human I’ve ever seen.” He turned and looked at her. She had a big smile on her face and reached her hand out to him. He tentatively took it and she pulled him down next to her. Now it was his turn to get her to speak. “Why? Do you believe me?”  
“Boy and I thought telling you about Torchwood was going to be the hard part” she laughed. “I believe you because for one thing something you said to me tonight. I don’t know if you even realized you said it.”  
“What?”  
“You said you’d fight a Dalek for me. I don’t know that many people that even know what a Dalek is. The media never called them by name. it was something I know about because” she took a deep breath “because I work with aliens all the time.”  
“Yeah I know about Torchwood ”  
“How?” she looked at him strangely. Um because I’m the reason it exists?  
“It’s actually well known throughout the universe. I have a love hate relationship with them.”  
“Why did they take your craft or something?”  
“No” he smiled at her “they hurt people…people I care about.”  
“Yeah Yvonne Hartman as much as I hated that woman I didn’t want her to get turned into a Cyberman.”  
“I was there at the battle of Canary Wharf. I saw her get taken.”  
“Oh my God Jamie! I’m so sorry”  
“I lost a dear friend there and I hated Torchwood for the longest time.”  
“Yeah it’s changed. My friend Jack he runs the one in Cardiff. When I tell you I’m going to see a friend. That’s where I go.”  
“Yeah I know Jack. I’ve known Jack for years. He helped me acclimate to living here.”  
“I…I have to ask. You said you’re homeless. Is Jack trying to get you back to your home?”  
“You want me to leave?” There was a panic rising up in him.  
“HELL NO! BUT … I don’t want you to be stranded and away from your family and friends either. I … I … I want you to be happy more than anything. This… this must be different for you.” He smiled at her. My precious Raindrop. He was touched by her words. His Donna side was almost coming out. Not now! “I’ve been stranded before. It was in the 70s. I like Earth. It’s actually become my second home. I love you humans well some of you. The jury is still out on Jack” they chuckled together.  
”Wait I know James Noble isn’t your real name. What’s your real name? So what do I call you?”  
“You can still call me Jamie.”  
“My mind is bristling right now I’ll be honest.”  
“I can understand.”  
“So please if I am rude” she giggled “and not ginger” he laughed at her and smiled “then please tell me. I pride myself on trying to be understanding of other people’s values and lifestyles. I just…you know me I’m a scientist at heart. I’m curious and most of the aliens I deal with I’m not in love with.” She placed her hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the feeling of her palm on his cheek.  
“I was so scared to tell you Lilly. I didn’t want to lose you.”  
“Sweetheart it would take the end of the world to lose me … even then you’d have a hard time getting me to let go” she smiled at him. He just squeezed her hand. Her acceptance meant more to him than anything he could imagine. “Jamie” she got solemn and shy.  
“Yes my love”  
“Is…is it OK for me to be in love with you?”  
“Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?”  
“I … I don’t know. Your planet … your customs… I don’t … I don’t want to…” he shut her up with a kiss so passionate, hot and heartfelt her knees buckled under her and he had to hold her up. “Does that answer your question?” he winked at her. She looked at him dazed and confused. “What did I ask so I can ask it again?” she laughed. He smiled at her and wrapped her in his arms. He put his head on her shoulder and breathed in the smell of her. Even though she needed a shower he’d take this over not having her any day. He held on to her and wouldn’t let her go for a little while. They were both silent for a few minutes and then his precious raindrop got to him. “Is this why you hate pears so much? Are they forbidden on your planet or something?” she was serious. He looked at her and started laughing. “Oh you humans”  
“Hey you’re part of us now”  
“Yeah I am” he smiled at her “no I hate pears because they’re squishy and leave your chin wet.” He smiled at her. She smiled back at him. “Lilly” he looked deep into her eyes. “Tell me what you see when you look at me. Don’t think about it just say what comes to your mind.”  
“My boyfriend, my best friend and the love of my life and my future baby daddy” she laughed “with the greatest smile I’ve ever seen.”  
“Then see me as that love. Don’t see me as anything else please. Don’t censor yourself around me. Just be the amazing woman I’ve known all these years. Can you do that for me?”  
“Yeah” she smiled yeah I can…Ginger” she smiled at him. He laughed at her. “Can I ask some dumb questions now that I know the truth?”  
“Ok” he was bracing himself.  
“How come you have a British accent and how come you can speak Earth languages?” he could see her mind spinning.  
“Well” he smiled “when I came to Earth I just always came to England a lot. I just kind of picked up the dialect. Same way you pick up some of my mannerisms and I’ve picked up some of yours. Truth is I’m a genius”  
“And modest” she laughed at him.  
“And I know about 5 billion languages.”  
“Oh shut up!” she laughed.  
“It’s true” he rattled off some words to her.  
“Now it just sounds gibberish” she laughed.  
“Alright then” he spoke a melodic musical tone. It was very beautiful. So beautiful she had tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked concerned. “I have no idea what you just said but it touched me. It was so beautiful and I could tell heartfelt. You probably told me I need to take a shower but I don’t care that was beautiful” he smiled big at her and cupped her cheek.  
“I told you I loved you in my native language.” The tears slowly streamed down her cheeks. He took his thumb and wiped it away.  
“How do you say it?” he repeated it. She tried to repeat it back to him and he giggled but his eyes twinkled as he looked at her.  
“Now that would get you banned for life young lady” he laughed.  
“I’m sorry did I say something wrong?”  
“You just told me that pears are the greatest thing in the world”  
“Oh I did not!” she laughed. He leaned down and kissed her. She put her hand on his cheek and when he stopped kissing her she smiled at him. “I do love you more than anyone on any planet in any universe you could ever go to. You were sent here for me Jamie I’ll believe that with all of my heart.”  
“I love you my Angel Rayne”  
“I love you too my Schmitty” she smiled and assumed her position back on his lap.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Lilly took her much needed shower but before she did, she made James promise her when she got out, they'd have a talk. "No evading the questions mister" he saluted her mockingly and she playfully slapped his hand. While she was in the shower, she did some thinking. Of course, she loved James. Was she really ok though loving an alien? She remembered a tv show she watched as a kid and ever since then she's been fascinated with extra-terrestrial life. Then she remembered what James asked her. What do you see me as? In that moment she saw him and that’s how she’d have to accept it. He was her Martian, her favorite Martian.

With the towel wrapped around her head, and her Hedgies' girl pajamas on she exited the bathroom. James was sitting on the couch with his legs propped up. She came and resumed her position on his lap. "Aw much better" he kissed her cheek. “I feel human again" she laughed. "Sorry that’s just a dumb saying I say"  
"Lils your censoring yourself"  
"Sorry ok first things first what’s your real name?"  
"Honey if I told you, you wouldn’t be able to pronounce it."  
"Doesn’t matter and don’t challenge me on languages."  
“I can’t tell you. The only time I’ll be able to tell you is when we get married."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah"  
"So, what do your friends call you because James Noble is too human"  
"Well" he tried to deflect. He didn’t want to drop this bombshell on her too.  
"Jamie"  
"Ok" he sighed "you know how Jack has a friend called The Doctor?"  
"Yeah I adore him. Well what I’ve heard about him from Jack that is. He actually had his hand cut off and grew another one! That just blows my mind."  
"Wait you know about the hand the handy spare hand?"  
"Know about it? well if you read my journals someday, you’re going to find out about it. Thing, that’s what I called the hand, was my best friend for a while. my therapist too" she laughed. James eyes got big as baseballs. “I used to give it high fives and talk to it and do stupid things with it. I used to go up to Jack and say hold my hand and hand it to him like an idiot" Lilly giggled.  
"OF COURSE! NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!" Lilly looked at him strangely. He just kissed her head and stood up. Lilly knew this meant he had a breakthrough and was going to go on a rant. "Lilly! That explains it! That explains everything!"  
“What are you talking about?"  
"Thing, the hand, that’s why our hands are always twitching. They recognize each other!"  
“What are you talking about?"  
"Honey do you remember what Thing looked like? Why Thing where did that come from?"  
"Adams Family and yes I do. I had that thing forever until Jack took it away from me and gave it back to The Doctor. What does thing have to do with your name?""  
"Lilly look" he reached out that hand to her. She looked but it wasn’t making a connection yet.  
“Yeah I love your hand it fit perfectly with mine sweetheart, but I’m lost here oh my god" she watched him wave at her. “You're ... you're.... you’re..."  
“I'm him"  
“You can't be! How did Thing become you? You're a grown man"  
"Lilly, I told you it was a long and complicated story."  
“Well yeah but how? Oh my god are you friends with The Doctor or something? Did he let you use his hand or something?"  
"Lilly no it's me! I am The Doctor!"  
"Oh, shut up you are not" she laughed "The Doctor is in love with some chick named"  
"Rose Tyler yes I know all too well"  
“Well if you were The Doctor you wouldn’t be here with me, you'd be with Rose. Oh my god you're not going back to Rose, are you?"  
“Honey listen to me The Doctor him my brother I guess you would say now was shot by a dalek."  
"Oh my god is he ok?"  
“He's standing in front of you"  
“No, you're my Jamie"  
"Lilly, he didn’t want to disappoint Rose, so he syphoned off the regeneration energy into his hand, the handy spare hand, I love this hand" he waved to Lilly. She giggled like a little girl. "then the Daleks took us to the crucible. This was the day the earth and the other planet got moved. Our friend Donna touched the hand in the Tardis and because of it still being regeneration energy it mixed with her human DNA and that’s how I came. I'm still The Doctor same thoughts same memoires everything.” Lilly looked up at him with tears in her eyes  
"Does that mean the same love for Rose?" she was getting scared now.  
"At the time...yes it did" Lilly turned around she didn’t want him to see her fear. “Remember when I told you my brother and I didn’t get along? we had a falling out over a girl?"  
“Yeah " she said softly.  
“It was because he tried to leave me and Rose with her family in a parallel world. I was willing to stay to be with Rose but ... But Rose couldn’t see that I was The Doctor as well. She wanted him. She chose him. to her I’m nothing but a clone."  
"So, she ditched you?"  
“Yeah after about six months I came to live on the earth and get my life together. That was three almost four years ago."  
"Do you still have feelings for her?"  
“No not at all"  
“So that bitch" he saw her get her feisty streak back “Is the reason that you are here. she broke you heart"  
“Yeah she did"  
“I don’t know if I want to slap the holy hell out of her or kiss her"  
“What?"  
“She broke your heart Jamie. no one hurts you and gets away with it."  
“Honey its ok she had to so I could be with you"  
“That’s the point or the dilemma. do I hate her for hurting you or thank her for letting you go? If she didn’t I wouldn’t be here."  
“Thank her Lilly that’s the best thing you can do. I’ve moved on. she has to live with her decision."  
“But she hurt you"  
“Only so that you could heal me" he put his hands on her arms.  
“So how much of The Doctor are you now?"  
“The only difference between us is I’m part human specifically the aging part. I’ll grow old and never regenerate."  
“Regenerate so you'll always look like this? you'll age with me and we'll be two old crows together?"  
“Forever" he smiled at her.  
“I like that" she giggled  
"me too. and I’ve only got one heart now. I used to have two. he has two."  
“So, you used to have two hearts and now only one? you're like me?"  
“Yeah"  
“So, and I’m sorry this is stupid I know but your insides look like mine? Like if you cut yourself you bleed there’s no green skin or anything underneath?'  
“I'm not a Slitheen honey" he chuckled at her.   
"And you love me even though I don’t call you doctor?"  
“I love you especially because you didn’t know who I was."  
"Do I have to call you doctor now?"  
“No, you can still call me Jamie. actually, my nickname in school was Theta Sigma.my name was Theta Sigma of the house of Lungbarrow."  
“Theta Sigma like the Greek alphabet?"  
“Yes, exactly except its Gallifrey"  
“Theta, Theta, Theta I like that actually" she giggled "can I call you that?"  
"Lilly when have you ever asked me if you can call me any of your names?"  
“Fair point" she laughed.  
“Yeah you can call me theta"  
“Theta will you ever tell me your real name?"  
“You wanna know my real name?"  
"Absolutely"  
“Then someday I will" he smiled at her.  
“So, do you have a Tardis or anything? I mean not that that matters I was jut curious"  
“I do but she's not ready for us to fly yet"  
“Why not?"  
'Not sure she just hasn’t let us. She’s just been enjoying her life as a pear tree."  
“Your Tardis is the pear tree? I thought they were police boxes?"  
“She’s got a fully functioning chameleon circuit so she's anything he wants."  
"and she knows you hate pears?"  
“Yeah"  
“Oh, I love her then" she laughed” She’s my kinda girl smartass"  
“She loves you too."   
"Can I see her?"  
"Absolutely" he beamed  
They walked outside. “This is the Tardis. Stands for time and relative dimension in space.”  
She put a hand on it and felt it hum in her hand. “god I love her” Lilly laughed. “She’s my kinda girl” she still felt the hum of approval. Lilly kiss the tree bark “You take care of him for me” he heard her whisper. “I’m counting on you” James felt the Tardis hum in his head. It was obvious she liked Lilly.   
“do you want to go inside?” he pointed to his ship.  
“can I?”  
“Honey it’s the only way to travel through time and space.” He smiled at her and unlocked the door. She opened the door and he waited for the moment. “Oh my god” she walked in. “The stories are true oh my god it really is” she turned and faced him “Not that big” she smiled at him.  
“Hey!” he protested “You’re not supposed to say that”  
“I know but I had to” she laughed “Ok I’ll say it. say it with me”  
“It’s bigger on the inside” they said in unison. She chuckled as she walked around the console. The time rotor was still green and lit up. It looked like the old Tardis interior. Coral beams growing everywhere. “I like it! I like it because it doesn’t feel too star trek or Star Wars. It ... it … it reminds me of a fishbowl.”  
“Fishbowl?” James was stunned.  
“Yeah see” she hid behind a strut and then came out ‘peekaboo. I see you fishie fishie fishie” James chuckled at her silliness. “I know she’s the Tardis but what name do you call her?”  
“Ole girl”  
“Jamie ” Lilly shook her head “Jamie Jamie Jamie” Lilly looked up at the ceiling. “Have you tried telling him?”  
“Tell me what?”  
“girls don’t like to be reminded they’re old. No one wants to be called old girl. We want to be young and beautiful right sweet pea?” Lilly laughed as the rotor seemed to agree with her. “He’s in for it in it he? The two of us team up old man here won’t know what hit him.”  
“Hey, I’m not an old man” he laughed. “Well actually it depends on how you look at it” he started one of his rants.  
Before he could get a good rant on Lilly grabbed his hand. “Here show me the rest of this place.” He showed her his room. It was painted dark royal blue and had a four-poster bed. It had deep velvet blue linens with gold trim. It was very regal. Then the Tardis was excited to show Lilly this room. She opened it up and squealed like a little girl. Inside was a room that was round. It had a purple couch that fight circular against the wall with a bunch of cushions on it. the walls were painted light purple with genie bottle designs painted in gold going up the wall. There was a picture of James in his tuxedo on the couch. The room was really gaudy but as soon as Lilly saw it, she squealed. ‘OH MY GOD!” SHE Ran and jumped on the couch. “It’s my own room! She gave me my own room!” James looked at her hooked. “This is your room how do you now?”.  
“Because when I was a little girl, I used to watch I dream of Jeanie. I wanted Jeanie’s room in her bottle. This is it! oh sweet pea I love you!” she ran and made a diving leap for the couch. There were journals everywhere and pens. “come on come on you have to j ump on the couch.” James wasn’t so sure until Lilly grabbed his hand and pulled him over to her. He looked at her the light in her eyes. This was the look of a dream come true. She giggled like a giddy little girl. If he wasn’t in love with her by now that did it for him. “When can we go Jamie? Where can we go?” she was getting excited. “can you get me in home time for me to go to the gala?”  
“Lilly I can take you anywhere any when and be back withing five minutes” he smiled at her. She was holding on toa pillow giggling like a shy little girl. It was endearing. “prove it. take me somewhere” she challenged him. “  
“are you challenging me?” he acted indignant. She giggled and peeked over the pillow. “Oh, you are on. W hat I it you say? Let’s blow this popsicle stand?” he got up and ran to the console. Lilly ran behind him. He pulled levers and spun knobs. He was The Doctor again showing off and he loved it. she fell in the floor. “Sweet pea can you teach him how to drive” she laughed and rubbed her head.  
“You ok?” he looked at her  
“I’m great how about you?” he just smiled at her. “So, where are we?”  
“Well for right now we just went to see jack.”  
‘seriously?”  
“give her time she’s working up the way to travel. She’s still a baby tardis.”  
“Ok I understand” He grabbed her hand and lead them out to their office. Jack chuckled and watched them two because they were at the point where they finish each other’s sentences now. They were constantly holding hands. Jack noticed it was always that hand to. He wanted to tease her about it, but he didn’t know if he knew exactly who she was in love with.  
After spending some time with Jack, they were back off in the Tardis and like he promised it was only five minutes after they left. Lilly was so flabbergasted. “I have prided myself on acting cool and not asking the five thousand questions I have” she laughed  
“I appreciate it”  
“But I don’t know how much longer I can hold out” she was exactly like he hoped a kid in a candy store. If James was peter pan, then Lilly was definitely his Tinkerbelle. “You tell me your secrets I’ll tell you mine” he teased her.  
“can we go see Elvis? Can we go solve cases? You know be a real sherlock and Doctor Watson” she laughed. “can we find Jack the ripper”  
“You have a gruesome idea of fun” he laughed.  
“I’m serious! Oh, you must have a ton of stories and dear god I’m sounding like the fan girl I didn’t want to be ok sorry love” she quieted down.  
“Hey” he went up to her “We have the rest of our lives to find out everything.” He kissed her forehead and winked at her. She very quickly became his crazy girl again.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

February 8, 2012  
Hello Orion,  
That’s my new nickname for you. I heard a song today. It was a little upbeat diddly but the lyrics were so sad it made me cry. “I followed my star cause that’s what you are. I had a merry time with you” I don’t remember the rest but it was stuck in my head and it reminded me of you. You are my star and my Orion. I can’t believe after all of these years you are not only alive but in love with me! I’m not sure I should write to you like this anymore. I mean it is kinda silly but honestly after all of these years and trees it would be kinda weird to not keep doing it. Let’s do the math shall we? 23 years 264 notebooks which means 52,800 pages. I’m thinking about getting them out and giving them a read through just to see how far I’ve come from that scared sad little girl to the woman you know and love…I still can’t believe that! Maybe if you want I’ll let you read them. This way you know what’s going on in my head. It might help you to understand your crazy girlfriend more or it might make you want to run away. I don’t know. All I know is I love you with every fiber in my being scratch that every cell in my existence. Honestly I think I always have. God knew what I needed and he sent me you and I’m so grateful every day you haven’t decided todays the day I leave this popsicle stand. Thank you my love you are the true angel.  
Love always  
Raindrop 😊


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the gala time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to those that gave kudos and bookmarked this :D

The countdown to the gala was on. The last minute preparations were underway. James had the fashion design team make Lilly a dress. “James I’m not a dress girl. I hate wearing them even to these things.”  
“Please Lils it’s… it’s something special to me” all he had to do was give her the puppy dog eyes and she was done for.  
“That’s not fair Ginger!” she laughed. “You just give me those big, dopey, sad, brown, eyes and I cower. You owe me one!” she laughed. “And it’s gonna be more than the brainy specs to get you out of this one mister” she smiled at him. He came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. “How about a trip to the moon” he kissed her cheek. His stubble was rubbing up against her cheek. “Please tell me you’re not growing a beard” she looked at him in the mirror as she was washing her hands.  
“Why not?”  
“Nothing” she continued washing her hands. Remembering she told him not to let anyone change him. She remembered how Renee treated him and she was not going to be that type of woman. If he wanted a goatee as bad as she hated it he could have his goatee.  
“I thought I’d try something different. Had this same look for a long time thought I might change it up.” She turned around and leaned against the sink. “Why do you look different than you did the last time I saw you?”  
“Probably because the last time you saw me I had shaved and I haven’t in a couple days” he winked at her. She just half smiled. He knew what she was getting at. “So what do you think beard or no beard?”  
“I’m not going to pull a Renee on you honey.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“As much as I DESPISE facial hair, if you want to grow a beard that’s your choice.”  
“Why don’t you like it?”  
“The stubs are ok but I like the baby face” she smiled “it’s easier to kiss” she kissed his cheek. “And I don’t want to get a ton of hair in my mouth” she kissed his other cheek “when I do this” she gave him a great big kiss. She pulled back and he had the breathless, clueless look on his face he gets when he’s not expecting something. “Your choice” she winked and walked away. She heard the water running and a few minutes later it was just the sideburns again. She chuckled and he winked at her. That was a little inside thing between them now.

It was now the night of the gala and James and Lilly had been busy. They haven’t got to spend much time together alone. She didn’t get to see the final preparations because he wanted to give her a special tour of her own. She was happy with that. Tonight was going to be their first date. She had gotten her dress and opened it. It was gorgeous. She expected it to be blue, green or purple the colors James always said he liked on her but instead it was an almost a coral color. The silver specs were shaped like leaves and down at the bottom it became a reddish orange. It almost resembled the color of fire. It reminded Lilly of snow falling on fire. It was a high neck dress, closed at the top around her neck and exposed her shoulders. James admitted he had a thing for her shoulders. It was sequin up on the top to just below the breast line and then it was chiffon long and flowing which was great because it covered her feet. She laughed when she saw the shoes. “Only you Jamie only you” she smiled as she pulled out the red converse chucks. He put a note in there, “you never know when we’ll have to make a run for it.”

She was putting on the last of her makeup when she heard him come in. “Raindrop are you ready?” she heard him ask. She couldn’t help but smile huge at the new nickname. She was that 19 year old girl again when he called her that. She put her robe on and went to give him a kiss. “I’ll be out in a … holy stars and stripes batman” she looked at him her mouth hanging open. “You’re not dressed! We’re just about ready to go.” She couldn’t close her mouth. “What?” he looked at her. “What is it?”  
“You have got to stop doing that to me!”  
“What? What did I do?” he looked around confused. He actually spun around looking to see if he did something wrong. “Making me need to take a cold shower at the most inopportune times! Damn you Jamie” she laughed. He just looked at her a little puzzled. “I’ve never seen you in a tuxedo before.”  
“You haven’t?”  
“No because believe me if I have you would have remembered it” she realized what she said and started blushing. “I can’t believe I said that” she started laughing.  
“You like what you see then?” he had a shitty grin on his face. He not only had the tuxedo on but he had his brainy specs on as well. Lilly had bad thoughts going through her head. He walked up to her and cupped her cheek. He was proud of himself. “Do I ever” she bit her lip. She was actually turning various shades of pink. What Lilly didn’t know was he could tell just how much she liked it. He could smell her attraction pheromones. While she was always attracted to him, the time she saw him in his jeans and glasses was big but nothing, nothing compared to this. “Prove it Blondie” he challenged her. She looked up at him with lust filled eyes. She grabbed him by the lapels and dragged him down for a spine tingling, Earth shattering, leg lifting, one of a kind out of this world kiss. He wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could and held her as close to him as he could. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gently scraped the back of his neck with her long nails. Oh God Lilly she heard in her head. She didn’t let it stop her. In fact it encouraged her. She nibbled on his bottom lip, one of her favorite features of his, and he let out a little moan. Rassilon I love you woman she heard in her head. She’d have to ask him about this sometime when they had a chance. His fingers dug into her spine. He nonchalantly lowered his hand past her waist. She smiled when he put his hand on her bum. With the exception of that one time slapping it he never made a move on her like that before. He was always a perfect gentleman. When he realized where his hand was Lilly knew because he seemed to stiffen up. Move it and I’ll slap you she said in her head. Not sure if he could read her mind like she was getting thoughts in hers. With that he actually squeezed her bum and smiled during the kiss. That lasted for a couple moments then out of breath he let her go. “Was that proof enough” she smiled and walked back to her room. James stood there dumbfounded for a multitude of reasons one of them was she was in his head.

Lilly took out the dress and laid it on the bed. She dabbed a little of Tresor In Love perfume on her wrists and neck then pulled her remaining strands of her hair back up into the French twist. She had to reapply her lipstick hot damn that was worth it though she smiled to herself and finally put the dress on. When she put it on she actually for the first time in her life felt like a princess. She smiled at herself in the mirror and hoped she had the same reaction on him as he did on her. She walked out of her room and he was sitting on the couch. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand” she smiled. He looked at her and his mouth was agape. “What?” she looked at him. “What?” he kept opening and closing his mouth. She knew James had an emotional side that he tried to always hide but beneath the brainy specs she saw the tears in his chocolate brown eyes. “Honey are you ok?”  
“I … I …” now Lilly was getting scared. James talked all the time. For him to be speechless it was something she wasn’t used to.  
“I actually have another dress if this”  
“No!” he immediately stopped her “no … no it’s…it’s … it’s perfect. I … I just wasn’t expecting it to be so perfect and so beautiful. I … I mean I knew it would be beautiful because you’re wearing it and you could make a bin bag look hot but” he came over and clasped her cheek. “Liliana I’ve never seen my home look so beautiful before. Thank you my heart.” He kissed her forehead and held her close to him.  
“This…this is what your home looks like?”  
“Yeah the suns setting made the leaves look like they were on fire. Yeah oh Lilly it was so beautiful. I wish… I wish you could have seen it.”  
“You can take me sometime” she smiled at him. He looked at her his heart breaking. It’s not her fault she doesn’t know. He cupped her cheek. “I wish I could Raindrop I wish I could” he cleared his throat “but tonight” he was trying to get his composure “tonight it’s about you and me and black holes” he took her hand and lead her outside.

James had gotten a limo for the night, talking about his home brought his mood down. She squeezed his hand and tried to cheer him up. He put on a brave face but he knew she was seeing right through it. They got to the gala and no one was there. “What? I thought people would be here by now!” Lilly said surprised. She was heartbroken. He put so much effort into this to not have anyone show up. “They will. It’s only 700.”  
“But it starts at 8”  
“I know but its closed off for now. I wanted to give you a special VIP tour” he smiled at her. Her face lit up and she took his arm. He lead her around the observatory. He discussed what was going on with the project and what his plans were for it going forward. There were slides on black holes, the importance of studying them, and of course the roof was open so the night sky was shown. The theme of the night was Under A Black Hole Sky. It was dabbed in colors of black, orange, yellows. “James this … this is amazing! I am so proud of you. You did a wonderful job.”  
“I couldn’t have done it without you Liliana.”  
“Oh yes you could. All I did was give you pointers. You came up with this on your own. You just charm those little old ladies and those men like you do me and you’ll have your money by the end of the night.”  
“At this point Lilly I want the money of course but just getting to teach these kids about something like this. To teach them how to come together and do something like this that’s more important than the project ever was. I learned a lot myself by doing this. I learned it’s not all on me. Its ok to reach out for help. Thank you princess for showing me and believing in me.” She smiled at him and he kissed her. He told her he loved her in his native tongue and even though at times she’s called him a wild boar with a tiger’s tail she’s getting better at repeating it to him. 

Before they knew it, 8pm had arrived and the guest were embarking. It was time for Lilly to take a step back and let James put on the show. She walked around and mingled with the students. She talked to some of the guests but she let James do his best work which was charm people. He put on a presentation about black holes and just like in his lectures he had them eating out of his hand. Lilly was so proud of him. “Well if it isn’t Princess Peach” she heard a voice behind her. She turned around. Her eyes got big!  
“Oh my God!” she squealed. “You actually came!” she hugged the man with the shaggy blond hair.  
“Of course I would!” he laughed at her. What Lilly didn’t know was James was in the background watching the exchange.

He walked around and kept an eye on the blond. He trusted Lilly with all of his single heart but he didn’t like the way this pretty boy was hanging all over her. “Looks like your girl has a new boyfriend” he heard Renee’s snooty voice in his ear. “Such a shame. He could do better than her.” James turned around and faced her. He was getting jealous and territorial. He didn’t want anyone to see him like that. “What do you want?” he snarled at Renee.  
“Now Jimmy ” she started.  
“Stop calling me Jimmy!” he growled loud enough for people to hear him. He smiled as he looked around. He dragged her to the side. “What do you want Renee? Did you come to see how we were doing without you?”  
“Well it’s not as high class as I would have had it be but what can you say. You’re a beginner.” James turned around and saw that Lilly was talking to another man. This one had dark hair but was still gorgeous. She was really friendly with them both. He was getting even more territorial. “You better go stake your claim Jimmy. Don’t want those two to get your girl do you? Although I’m sure she gets around. Her type usually does.” James tried to get Renee’s voice out of his head. He started walking over Lilly when Sarah Jane stopped him. “Oh I’m so proud of you” she smiled. “This party is turning out to be a big success” James looked at her and then looked back at Lilly. It took Sarah Jane a few seconds to realize what was wrong. “Doctor don’t be jealous.”  
“Jealous who’s jealous?” he snarled.  
“Come on” Sarah Jane grabbed his arm. “Come on!” she lead him to the observation deck on the outside. “Sit” she commanded. He did and she sat next to him. “Doctor this is a party. She’s schmoozing some potential donors.”  
“That’s not schmoozing Sarah. That’s flirting.”  
“Do you love Lilly?”  
“What kind of question is that!” he was getting angry. “Of course I do! She’s the only reason I stay on this planet.”  
“Do you trust her?”  
“Yes”  
“Then trust that she loves you and nothing’s happening. Here lets sit out here for a few minutes while you collect your thoughts.” In his head and his heart he knew Sarah Jane was right. Lilly only had eyes for him but he couldn’t help the protective instinct he had over her. “Besides I don’t think she’s the kind of woman that wants a possessive predatorial boyfriend.”  
“You’re right you’re always right.” He sighed “things were so much easier when I was just a Time Lord. I could put all this love stuff to the side. It was forbidden but now Gallifrey’s gone and she looks so beautiful tonight I just. I don’t blame them for wanting to hang all over her.”  
“Well you do clean up mighty nice yourself there Doctor” Sarah Jane smiled. “I have seen some of the women looking at you. I’ve heard some of the things they are saying. You’re quite the catch” she grinned at him.  
“Thanks Sarah”

Lilly was laughing with her two closest friends in the world. “Oh I can’t wait for you to meet Jamie. He’s around here somewhere. Just look for the most gorgeous man in the room.” She smiled. She looked around. “Oh there he is!” she got excited. He was talking to some blond that was in her 20s. She must be a student of his. “Come on guys I want you to meet him.” She walked up to him. “Hey there gorgeous! I’ve been wondering where you were.” The blond just looked at her like she could throw daggers at her. James turned around and looked at her funny. “I have a couple friends I’d like you to meet.” She turned to the blonde guy. “This is Jake. I know you’ve heard me talk about him all the time and this” she turned to the dark haired man. “This is Lucas. Two of my closest friends in the world. Guys this is the love of my life Dr. James Noble.” James just looked at her strange for a second but then was jovial and shook their hands. “Jake’s on tour and came from Barcelona of all places to come to the party tonight. Isn’t that wizard? Lucas is his tour manager. I’d find Jack but I don’t see him around.”   
“Uh yeah….yeah” he smiled at her.  
“What’s wrong with you? You’re acting strange.”  
“Um I don’t mean to be rude”  
“And not ginger?” she laughed. James smiled at her.  
“Yeah and not ginger but um” he rubbed the back of his neck and yanked on his ear lobe.  
“What’s wrong? You have too much champagne? You told me not to let you have too much you might act weird.”  
“Uh yeah sorry it’s the champagne kicking in” he smiled at her. The blond was getting ready to say something but then she recognized just WHO was standing there. The man voted 2011 Sexiest Man Alive in one of those magazines Jacob Glass himself. “Well come on lets get some air. It’s kinda stuffy in here and that helps.” She grabbed his hand and lead him out of the way before James or anyone could stop her. When she got to the observation deck she stopped dead in her tracks. “What are you doing here?” James and Lilly said in unison but to two different people. “But…but…” she turned and looked at the guy next to her.  
“Sorry I’m not Jamie” he said softly. “I’m John James’ brother.”  
“Oh my God” Lilly turned blood red. “I’m so sorry! He didn’t tell me you were coming. I’m so sorry.”  
“I didn’t know he was coming” James said flatly. What are you doing here Thete? Is something going to go down?  
No I just you asked me if I wanted to come and Rose and I did. You only asked me five minutes ago.  
“It’s ok…it happens a lot I’m afraid being twins and all” he smiled at her. Rassilon Theta she’s even more beautiful in person.   
“Well uh…it’s nice to meet you John.” She said softly “I uh… I’m going to go back to the uh I’m going to get some air.”  
“Lilly you’re outside.”  
“Right yes of course. I’m just going to go for a walk.” She turned to walk away. 

Lilly walked down the stairs. She wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. “Lilly wait” she heard a voice behind her. She turned around and saw a middle aged woman with brown hair coming after her. She was the one that was sitting with James. “I’m sorry do I know you?”  
“No but I’m Sarah Jane Smith. I’ve been a long time friend of the…the twins.”  
“Oh hi nice to meet you.”  
“You too. James talks about you all the time. It’s nice to put a face to the name.”  
“I can’t believe…I almost kissed him! God that would have been embarrassing.”  
“It happens. I’ve known them for a long time and still get them confused.”  
“They even have the same eyebrow thing they do.” Lilly laughed. Sarah Jane smiled at her.   
“Just don’t let it bother you. They’re used to it. We normally tell them apart because John wears a brown pinstripe suit and James wears his famous blue suit.”  
“I love that suit” she smiled at her. “It fights him so nicely” she chuckled. “Sorry I shouldn’t have said that out loud.”  
“It’s ok I tell you what lets go back up there. I know someone is missing you.” Sarah Jane smiled at Lilly. 

They made it back to the observatory but everyone had went back inside. Sarah Jane and Lilly went to look for James and John. They were mingling with the rest. Lilly tentatively went up to one of them. “Hi” she said softly. He turned and winked at her and pointed in the other direction. Lilly giggled “thanks” and walked off. When she saw James she knew how she could tell them apart now. He was the one glowing when she looked at him. “There you are!” he came up and smiled at her.  
“I swear you’re going to be the death of me” she laughed. “I almost did it again. Thank God I didn’t kiss him” she laughed. James laughed with her. “Oh I almost wish you would have. I’d love to have seen the look on his face.” And Rose’s face too.  
“I would have taken these wait” she looked at his feet and saw the black converse and then found John. “Oh my God” she laughed “you two are something else. So much for telling by looking at your shoes. But I guess that’s what will keep me on my toes” she laughed. “Oh my God I just realized Jake and Lucas think John is you.” She started laughing.   
“Where are they? I’d like to finally meet them.”  
“They’re” she looked around “you see where all the girls are gathered?”  
“Yeah”  
“That’s them come on hot stuff lets meet my boys.” She took James’ hand and lead him over to a group of girls. One of those women of course was Renee doing her best to try and impress them. Lilly put her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. “Lils!” Jacob saw her and smiled. Lilly knew that smile. That was a thank God you rescued me smile. “Hey boys so I um I’m an idiot. You see the guy I introduced you to was John James’ twin brother. Jamie these are my boys Lucas” she pointed to the dark haired man with grey eyes.  
“How do you do? It’s nice to meet you” Lucas smiled and shook James’ hand.   
“And this is Jacob” she pointed to the blond with the blue eyes.   
“Hi nice to meet you. Lilly won’t shut up about you” Jacob winked at Lilly. Flirt with her again and you won’t be able to talk at all. James possessive streak was kicking in again. “Shut up boy genius or you won’t be able to hear me talk about him again.” They laughed at each other. “No I’m just glad Lilly finally found someone. She likes you a lot and I’m glad for her.”  
“Yeah she means a lot to me” he put his arm around her tightly.   
“This is a great party” Lucas broke up the tension between James and Jacob. “I remember Lilly dragging us out and telling us about constellations and black holes and things. Now it all makes sense.”  
“See I told you, you should have listened to me. No really though I am glad and honored that you guys were able to take a night off and come see me. I miss you guys.” She gave them a group hug.   
“Oh princess we miss you too. Have you seen Jack? He’s the only one we haven’t seen and we have to leave soon.”  
“Really?” Lilly sounded sad.  
“Yeah just flew down from Barcelona for tonight. Have to be in Madrid tomorrow. I wish you could come up there. It’s going to be a great show.”  
“I wish I could too but I’ll be home in a couple weeks.” James looked at her. Since when? Why didn’t you tell me? “Maybe I can catch a show then.”  
“I hope so. I miss you.”  
“Oh you just miss me fighting the girls off of you”  
“No that I don’t miss” Jacob laughed. “Besides mom has been asking if I talked to you. Now I can say that I have and that you are super happy.”  
“Yeah I am” she smiled and wrapped her arm around James’ waist. He was unusually quiet. “Tell her when I get a chance I’ll see if I can come to New York and we can have a girls day.”  
“Oh she’ll love that! Well sis it was great seeing you again” he leaned in and kissed her cheek “but I see Jack. We’re going to go say hi and then leave for the airport.” 

James watched them leave. He was quiet and still didn’t say anything. He smiled for everyone as he made the rounds. He gave his speech and bid his brother goodbye. Lilly talked to everyone and the person in charge of the donations told them it was an over whelming success. They got enough to cover the expenses and the project. What no one knew was the Raindrop Foundation already paid for all of the expenses. James actually raised enough for the project and more. Lilly smiled she was so excited and happy for him. He’d never know about the foundation’s donation. It was done anonymously but she couldn’t help but be disappointed because James wasn’t acting his chipper self.

Lilly felt down now because the excitement had ended. She stayed around and helped them clean up. James was doing his part but on the other side of the room. She felt like she came here with the promise that tonight was going to be a great night and she might as well just walk home. He hasn’t said two words to her in a couple hours, not that she needed to have him say anything to her at all, but he was distant. She was going to call him on it when Jack finally made his appearance. “Hey pretty girl. I finally get to see you.” He smiled at her. She smiled halfheartedly at him. “Oh no did you two have a fight already?”  
“No why?”  
“Because you’re all the way over here and he’s all the way over there. Most of the night the two of you have been inseparable what’s wrong?  
“Nothing … I don’t know. It’s fine. I think he’s just tired and it’s been a long few days.” She gathered up the dishes.   
“You look beautiful”   
“Thank you” she said softly. “He told me it’s what his home looked like.”  
“His home can’t nearly be as beautiful as you” Jack smiled.  
“Thanks” she handed the dishes over to the waiter. “If anyone asks tell them I went to get some air.” She made her way to the observatory. She sat there looking out at Orion. The night playing over in her head. What did I do? What did I do wrong? She was staring so intently she didn’t realize the tear falling down her cheek. Oh Orion I wish you could give me advice she sighed. 

James was taking down the computer that had his power point presentation on it. “You selfish, idiotic, stupid daft alien” he heard from behind him. He turned around and saw Jack. “What the hell did you do to her? I warned you Doctor do not break her heart!” James turned around. He wasn’t in the mood to go toe to toe with Jack. “What did I do to her? What did I do to her? She comes in here brings her pretty boy friends. They flirt with her and she just lets them. Then she tells them she’s going home in a couple weeks never once told me any of this news so here I am blindsided that my girlfriend’s leaving and I have no idea when she’d be back so yeah I’m a little upset.”  
“So what you just stand around here and brood about it all night?”  
“I’m not brooding. I’m working.”  
“Cut the bullshit James .”  
“Leave me alone Jack.”  
“No you know what your problem is. For once you’re not the center of her universe. You saw how she is with her other friends and you are jealous.”  
“I’m not jealous! Time Lords don’t get jealous”  
“Bull shit! I remember seeing you when you were big ears watching Rose and Mickey walk away. You were acting then just like you are now. You’re jealous and you know what if you don’t straighten your ass out you might lose the only one that has ever truly loved you for YOU! Not because of the Tardis, or the traveling or the hero worship but for you. She’s on the observatory deck. You can thank me later.” He walked away. James stood there fiddling with the computer. He was mad because Jack was right. Lilly knew nothing about him. She knew nothing except the cover story he told her and she loved him for him. She loved him when she found out he was half alien. Damn it Harkness! He hated when Jack was right. 

Lilly sat out on the observatory still looking out over the night sky. No one knew it but there were many nights she came out here when she couldn’t sleep before she met James. She wrote many of her journal entries out here. She sat there with her leg propped up to her chest and her arm around her leg. She was starting to get cold but she didn’t want to go back in there. She sent Jack a text asking him if he’d take her home. She wasn’t going to go home with James. Whatever was wrong he’d have to deal with it in the morning. So far Jack hasn’t responded. She tilted her head and laid it on her knee. She looked out to the left of her and saw a bright star sparkle in the night. She smiled at it wishing she felt like that star. She smelled his cologne as his jacket came over her shoulders. She wrapped it around her tighter. She just wanted to enjoy this moment of tenderness for as long as she could. “You’ll catch a death of cold out here” he sat down next to her. She looked down. “I’ll be fine. Here I don’t want you getting sick.”  
“Nah I won’t get sick. Superior physiology.”   
“Right” she half smiled. “Have you heard the news?”  
“What?”  
“Tonight was a big success! I told you, you’d do it!” she smiled big at him. He smiled big at her.  
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”  
“On the contrary you did it without me and from what I can tell everyone loved it. You were great out there.”  
“Thank you” he said softly. They both stared out at the sky. It was a quietness between them.  
“Tell me what it’s like”  
“What what’s like?”  
“Being out there”  
“Oh Lilly it’s like nothing you ever imagined. There’s so many planets and so many different things.”  
“When the Tardis is ready I’ll go back out to travel.”  
“What’s wrong with her?”  
“She’s stubborn” he laughed “she’s teaching me a lesson in patience.”  
“I’m being selfish but if it means you leave then I hope you never learn that lesson.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I don’t want you to leave me” she said softly. “Sorry” she stood up and walked over to the edge. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I want you to be happy Jamie and whatever makes you happy that’s what I want.”  
“I think she’ll probably be ready to travel soon.” Lilly closed her eyes. She held her breath. She wasn’t going to let him hear her cry. Her heart was breaking in two. “She’s been letting me do little jumps for a while. Just from home to Cardiff and back.” Lilly was quiet but James knew her. Something was wrong and he heard her sniffle as if she’s been crying. “Oi you know you’re going with me. Remember we’re going to be Sherlock and Doctor Watson.” He walked up to her. His heart was trembling now because she was acting different now.   
“I’m still going to get to go?”   
“Of course! Why wouldn’t you?”  
“Nothing, never mind” they both let it go for now. She really wanted to be happy for him but it was breaking her heart. First chance he gets he’ll ditch me and go back to space. She closed her eyes tight and held a little tighter onto the arms of his jacket. There was another awkward silence. “Can you tell me about it?”  
“About what?”  
“Your home planet. Where is it at?” her back was to him. He put his arm around her shoulder and turned her head to the right a little. “If you go that way about 50 million light years you’ll see my planet.”  
“What planet are you from?”  
“Planet loser” he said sarcastically and winked at her. She started laughing and her eyes lit up.  
“As opposed to planet look at me look at me” she quoted the line from her favorite movie. James has had to sit through it at least fifteen times but he didn’t mind. It made her smile. “You’ve been waiting a long time to use that one haven’t you” he smiled at her.   
“Yeah” she chuckled. She took off his coat and put it around his shoulders. “I really am proud of you” she said softly and kissed his cheek. She turned around to leave. “Please don’t leave” he asked longingly. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She turned and looked at him. “I’m sorry Lilly.” He said softly. “I’m sorry I was such a prat. I … I … I got jealous.”  
“Jealous?” she asked surprised.  
“Yeah I saw the way Jacob was flirting with you and…”  
“Jake?...You’re jealous of Jake?” she asked surprised.  
“Well yeah I mean he comes in here flirts with you and right in front of me. He’s got movie star good looks yeah I got” she smiled and dragged him by the lapels and kissed him again like she did earlier. “Tell me again why you should be jealous of Jacob?” she smiled at him. He blushed and took her hand. “It’s just…I saw…”  
“You saw me and one of my oldest and dearest friends goofing off. Jake is a flirt. He always flirts with me. It’s the same with Lucas. Jake was just winding you up and you fell for it hook…line…and sinker. Believe me Jamie Jake and I wouldn’t last. He’s too much of a player. He plays Monopoly but me I’m a game of chess so come along pretty boy before you get checkmate.” She grabbed his hand.   
“Lilly wait” James stopped her. She turned and looked at him. He smiled big at her and took out his sonic screwdriver. He turned on the lights on the observation deck and took out his phone. He put it on a love song playlist. “I was so busy tonight I didn’t get to do the one thing I wanted to do. Dance with me love” Lilly’s eyes lit up and her smile overtook her face. She took his hand as they swayed back and forth to Bryan Adam’s classic “Everything I Do.” She laid her head on his shoulder and held on to him as tight as possible. “I love you James Noble” she whispered softly “with all of my heart”  
“I love you too my precious girl” he kissed the top of her head and laid his cheek on her head. The song ended and others came but neither one cared as they swayed back and forth in the February wind. “I would have taken you with me all those years ago if I could have Raindrop. I couldn’t though because you had to live your life without interference from me. You had to do everything you’ve done and I had to go through everything I had to, to get to this point. I’m sorry it took so long for us to get to this point but I promise you Liliana you’re the only one for me.”  
“Oh Jamie” she squeezed him. “You’re the only one I want. You’ve been my best friend all these years you just didn’t know it. I’ve told you things no one else knows and you’ve been my therapist my friend my everything. You’re the only one I want. I don’t care if you have big ears and blue eyes or are drop dead gorgeous like you are now. I think you stole my heart back then I was just too scared to admit it.” Lilly looked up at him. Her big blue eyes sparkling and the smile on her face James head went into another dimensions he’d say if he was asked but the timing everything was just right. “Marry me” he said softly surprising both of them. The look on her face matched the shock of his but they both knew that moment it was right. “Anytime anywhere” she smiled at him.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry if its hard to read. ao3 doesnt believe in paragraph spacing

Chapter Thirty-four /p>

James and Lilly went back to her house. He knew nothing was going to happen but she liked having him there. She told him once she’s not ready and is scared to even try. She wouldn’t elaborate but he knew something bad happened to her. He saw it in how she acted when he would get too close or something. He also saw it when he went to the bathroom and saw she had no less than ten locks on her bathroom door. When he questioned her about it she got scared and shy. “It’s to keep the monsters away” she said softly. He noticed it on her bedroom door too. The only reason the window is opened is because it’s too high for someone to climb in and attack her. He’s seen her cower in the closet a couple times since Christmas. She was always his brave precious girl but there were times when her own demons would get the best of her. She’d never tell him about it and he admitted he understood. He doesn’t like talking about his nightmares. He used to stay just until she fell asleep then he’d sneak out but one night he went home and had his own nightmares. Instead of Donna being upset at him it was Lilly. Since then when she’s asked he’s stayed with her all night.  
Lilly went to her room and took off her shoes. “God I’m so tired” she fell on the bed. He stood in the doorway looking at her. “I swear I think I could sleep for a hundred years” she laughed. He smiled at her. “It was nice meeting your brother even if I did make an ass out of myself” she laughed at him.  
“He liked you I can tell.”  
“Well I’m going to get ready for bed.”  
“Do you want me to stay tonight?” she didn’t say anything and usually by now she asks.  
“It’s up to you sweetheart. I always want you to stay with me but I know you’re probably exhausted. By the way if I didn’t say so you looked really handsome tonight in your tuxedo. I have to say I think the blue suit’s losing it’s place” she laughed and winked at him. He smiled at her “goodnight Raindrop” she smiled at him but he saw the disappointment in her eyes.  
“Goodnight Schmitty” she kissed him and held on a little longer than normal. When she let go he squeezed her hand and turned to walk away. “Jamie wait” she said just before he got to the door. His back was to her so she couldn’t see the smile he had on his face. He didn’t want to leave her but he didn’t want to make her feel pressured. “Yeah” he turned around.  
“Don’t leave” his smile got big and he came up and wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight. “I don’t ever want you to leave” she held him tight. She said the musical sound she’s been trying to say. “Ha ha! You got it! I’m not a boar with a tigers head or a trash can grouch.” His eyes sparkled as he looked into her eyes. “I love you too my Raindrop.” She took his hand and lead her back into her room.  
She put on her baby blue pajama with little hedge hogs on them. She laid down and laid her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew absent mindedly circles on her arm. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re going back to America soon?”  
“I did I thought?”  
“No tonight’s the first time I heard about it.”  
“Didn’t I tell you?” she raised up and put her hand on his chest. He looked at her. “I always go home in March for three weeks.” She looked at him. “Is … is … is that what you are so upset over?” he looked away and didn’t answer. “I’m so sorry sweetie I thought I told you! I know what it is! I’ve been telling you that for years only it’s just not been to your face” she laughed. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. If you want to come with me I’d LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have you come. I’ll be back the first part of April.”  
“Three weeks that’s all?”  
“What you want me to stay gone more?”  
“NO!” he said vehemently. “I just…what am I going to do without my Raindrop for three weeks?”  
“You won’t miss me” she laughed “you’ll probably be glad to get a break from me. What about me when your ship’s ready to go and you leave me. Hell I won’t even know where you’re at.”  
“What do you mean when I leave you?”  
“Well” she looked down feeling insecure “never mind”  
“No we’re gonna talk about this. What do you mean when I leave you?”  
“Well you said your ship’s almost repaired. I just …”  
“You figured I’d take off and leave you behind?”  
“Yeah” she said softly “I mean why wouldn’t you.”  
“Because” he scooted down and pulled her chin up to look her in the eyes. “I’ve travelled on my own for a long time. I’m not good by myself. I need my Blondie to keep me from being rude.”  
“And not ginger” she laughed. He winked at her.  
“So will you?”  
“Will I what?”  
“Travel with me”  
“Are you serious?” her eyes got big.  
“Yes of course. Do you think I’m really going to leave the one girl that stole my heart behind?”  
“But….what about school and things. What are you going to do leave?”  
“Lils” he sighed “they won’t even know I’m gone.”  
“Are you kidding? People enroll in your classes that don’t even need a science credit. Personally I would because I think you’re hot but”  
“Oh you do, do you?” he laughed and leaned over and kissed her. She kept kissing him. He could tell this was one of those she was testing her boundaries. Oh my precious girl I’d never leave you. He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. “Go to sleep my queen. We’ll talk more about this in the morning.” He spoke to her in his native tongue. She tried but again this time she got it wrong. He teased her and brushed the hair away from her face. Lilly laughed but instead told him she loved him in Galifreyan. “You’re getting good at that now” he smiled at her.  
“I hope so. I’ve been trying hard” she smiled at him.  
“I’m proud of you Lils and thank you for trying so hard.” She smiled shyly at him and tilted her head down to lay on his shoulder. “I’d move the heavens and earth for you James if it meant it would make you proud of me.”  
“Raindrop, I’m always proud of you love.” He leaned down and kissed her. She was more open to this kiss and was testing her boundaries. When it got a little to close for comfort he could feel her stiffening up and backed away. A cool breeze came through the window at just the right moment. James could feel the Tardis in his head saying not now. He backed away and held her close. She was biting her lip at her reaction. “When the time is right sweetheart we’ll both know.” He kissed her temple. “Now go to sleep sweetheart”  
Lilly dozed off and James held her through one of her dreams. She didn’t wake up but he whispered in her ear she was fine and he was there for her. She calmed down and went back to sleep. Being part Time Lord he doesn’t need as much sleep as Lilly even though he used to when he first was ‘born.’ He’s adjusted his sleep cycle over the years. Tonight though with everything that’s happened the last few weeks he’s needed a good nights rest. He fell asleep with Lilly laying in his arms. He had been asleep about two hours when his nightmares started happening. Instead of Donna it was Lilly screaming at him that he killed her. She was saying binary, binary, binary. She was having the metacrisis issue. She was the one dying. This time she was dying on Gallifrey with it burning at his hands. He was looking at her screaming at him saying she trusted him and he was killing her. It was one of the most vivid dreams he’s had in a long time. He was screaming and then Rose and The Doctor came and were accusing him of killing Gallifrey. He was the reason it was burning. He was screaming yet nothing was coming out. He was being over run by smoke and not able to breathe. His bypass wasn’t kicking in and The Doctor was making fun of him because he no longer had a bypass to kick in. “You’re nothing but a stupid ape now. You’re no Time Lord! Not anymore!” he was rocking back and forth in his sleep. “Jamie … Jamie… Jamie wake up sweet heart wake up” he was turning his head side to side screaming yet nothing was coming out. He was on fire. His feet were burning and his hands were burning. “I’m so sorry Lilly, I’m so, so sorry…please don’t hate me… please don’t hate me rain drop…I love you” he felt a jarring on him but he couldn’t move. Nothing was working he couldn’t stop the burning. His planet was burning. “James! James! James!” Lilly was screaming at him. He was to into his nightmare of her screaming at him because he was burning. He was burning his planet, his brother, his fiancé. “There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do. The war has to stop. It has to stop. It will take out the universe if it doesn’t stop. Please understand” he was crying. In his physical state he was crying real tears. “Jamie! Wake up Jamie Jamie wake up” she was stirring him but nothing was happening. “DOCTOR NOBLE WAKE UP!” she screamed “Doctor wake up!” she was trying anything to get him to wake up but nothing was working. No word choice would trigger a reaction. She slapped him across the face and the only thing that did was bring tears to both of them. “I deserve that” he was crying in his sleep. She tried kissing him nothing would work. She got close to his ear and whispered in his native tongue I love you. He seemed to ease up. Then she remembered how somehow he got in her head earlier. She concentrated really hard.“I don’t know how we did this before but I know it happened” she put her head next to his. Jamie if you can hear this open your eyes love. It’s a dream. It’s not real. I love you. I’m right here. Wake up sweetheart. She gave it a few minutes then when nothing worked she tried again. If you don’t wake up I’m going to make you eat a pear! Nothing was working she got a cold cloth and put it on his face. She sprinkled water in his eye gently she was at a loss for help. Finally she just said the one thing she never wanted to say “Fine I hate you! You did this to me! You’re doing this to me” she was playing along with his dream. “If you ever loved me you’d wake up! Open your eyes!”  
Finally after that she couldn’t tell what was water or tears as his brown eyes were bloodshot but he was awake. He was sweating to the point of soaking the sheets. And he looked at her and after a long while fell apart. She held him like a mother held a baby. She cooed him to calmness and his sobs slowly melted away. He was being rocked back and forth by her in a calming fashion. “It’s ok my love whatever it was it was just a nightmare. You’re safe I’m safe we’re all safe.” He held on to her with the strength of a thousand men.  
‘The thing is Lilly it wasn’t just a nightmare. It really happened and I made it happened.”  
“What is it love?”  
“I told you I was a homeless alien stranded on Earth.”  
“Yes I remember”  
“That’s because I blew up my planet”  
“Ok” she said not sure if he was serious or not  
“You don’t believe me” he said flatly.  
“Sweetheart just start at the beginning.”  
“I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous.”  
“Ok”  
“My people went to war with the Daleks. It was called The Time War. It was the war to end all wars. The Daleks wanted to take over the universe. I had to stop them.”  
“So what did you do?”  
“I had to blow up my planet.”  
“What about the people?”  
“They are gone its only me”  
“Why?”  
“The Daleks wanted to take over the Earth and the rest of the universe. I couldn’t let that happen. In blowing up my planet I blew up the Daleks too… or so I thought. Instead my people died for nothing. I was having a night mare about you finding out the truth. I was having a night mare that you found out and you didn’t want me anymore. You thought I was killing you.”  
“Honey I’m right here. You’re not killing me. You did what you had to do to save my planet, my life. I can’t imagine the burden you carry around from this. Have you talked to anyone about it?”  
“Who can I talk to about it Lils?”  
“Friends family”  
“They all died that day.”  
“What about John?”  
“He was there. He has the same nightmare”  
“I’m so sorry baby. If there’s anything I can do”  
“Just… please don’t hate me” he said softly into her chest.  
“I could never hate you James Ian Noble. Not in a million lifetimes.” She held him tightly and sang a little lullaby in his ear. Here he was a mighty Time Lord being comforted by a human lullaby. She stopped after a few bars. “Don’t stop. I like that. What is it?”  
“It’s a little lullaby my uncle taught me. It’s called ‘Orion Will Guide’ you.”  
“I lost my family that day Lilly. My wife, my kids, my parents, my friends, my home. I close my eyes and I still see the fire I still hear the screaming all of the children that died.” She kissed his head and laid hers on his. He snuggled up closer to her. “Right now I just want to be next to you.”  
“That’s fine” she smiled “I don’t mind that at all.” She chuckled. “If I’m being honest I kinda like it” she smiled. She could feel the smile on his face against her chest.  
An hour later His head was dripping with sweat and her hands were soaked because of it. “You know what will make you feel better sweetheart. A nice hot shower.” He clung to her not wanting to let her go. “Come on I’ll change the sheets as well”  
“Please don’t leave me” he said softly. His voice was no longer the arrogant confident voice but more like a childish little boy scared to leave his mom’s side. “I’ll never leave you sweetheart. You can’t lose me baby I’ll always be here” she kissed his head. After a few more moments he held on to her tighter than he had before. “If you want I’ll sit in the bathroom and talk to you while you shower.”  
“Ok” he said softly. “Promise you wont leave?”  
“Hey Astro Boy have you ever known a Capricorn to break a promise?” she smiled at him. He smirked back at her. He got up and went into the bathroom. He grabbed her hand and pulled her in with him. “Let me get you some towels and some clothes” he let her do that then he turned the water on. He got in the shower and she came back in and sat down with him. “Do you want to talk or do you just want me in here.”  
“Right now I don’t know” he said softly. She sat on the commode. There were a million things going through her head but right now she couldn’t think of anything appropriate to ask. They need to have some serious discussions but now wasn’t the time.  
After a few minutes the shower seemed to start working because James started getting his chatty self back. Lilly smiled she knew he was coming back to himself. If he was quiet that was something was wrong. The man could talk and talk and talk. They balanced each other out because she was the quiet one. When she heard the water turn off she made her way to the door. “Ok I’m going to change the sheets and let you get dressed in peace.”  
“Lilly” he went to pull the curtain back. She stopped him. She went as far as she could at this juncture but she wasn’t ready to tell him about her demons yet. “Get dressed then we can talk.” Instead he reached out his hand. She took it and kissed it. “I love you Jamie to the moon and beyond”  
“I love you too” he said softly and squeezed her hand. He let it go after a few seconds and she left the bathroom.  
James exited the light green bathroom into the baby blue bedroom. He was back to his normal self. “I’m sorry … I” he started putting the shield back up. “NO!” she was stern with him. So stern it took him back. “You don’t ever have to say that. Don’t do that to me Jamie”  
“What?” he asked thoroughly confused.  
“Let your vulnerable side show then get embarrassed for it. I don’t know what you guys do but I’m your partner. I’m your fiancée. You never have to worry about being the strong one for me. We’re a team. You hurt I’m strong. Lord knows you’ve been that way for me for many times. You bleed I’m the bandaid. Got it pretty boy? You’re the hair I’m the gel” she laughed at him. He smiled at her. “Thank you precious” he leaned down and kissed her. “Listen I’m serious. I don’t want you to think that you have to be this mighty hero for me. You’ve obviously gone through a hell of a lot. If you want to talk about it. I will listen Jamie.”  
“I know love”  
“Never be afraid to show me your vulnerable side. It makes me feel good knowing I can help you.”  
“Liliana you have helped me in more ways than you can ever imagine love.” He put his hand on her cheek. “Come on how about I make us some tea and we watch one of those silly shows you like.” She smiled at him. “I have a better idea. You make the tea and meet me by your pear tree.” He kissed her and went to the kitchen. She got her goody bag and went to the tree. She set it up and was laying down when she felt the hum of the tree. It was soothing her into a lull. “I made decaf this time so you can get some … sleep” he smiled. His precious Liliana was snoozing away. Her head laid on the root of the pear tree in his yard otherwise known as his Tardis. ‘Thanks for taking care of my girl ole girl’  
‘Our girl’ he felt the Tardis hum. He smiled at t he tree and laid down next to her.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN old friend shows up what will that do to jamie and lilly?

Chapter Thirty Five  
James was a million miles away in his own thoughts. The magic of the night along with the terror of the night going through his head. I cant believe I blurted that out that I wanted to marry her. She said yes graciously but… now the panic was setting in.   
If you don’t want to I understand. Spur of the moment thing. Her eyes were closed but she was definitely in his head again. No Lilly I … wait… he looked at her and took the sonic screwdriver and ran it over her. “How come I can hear what you’re thinking?” they said at the same time. Their eyes got big and they busted out laughing. “That’s twice it happened tonight.”  
“I think you have low level of telepathy.”  
“Oh that’s what Jack says. I can feel other peoples emotions and things.”  
“No sweetheart telepathy. It might be part of your empathetic abilities but how many fingers am I holding up?”  
“I don’t know 4?” she guessed. James scratched his thumb in his palm right where it was showing that he was in deed holding four fingers up. “How about now?”  
“I don’t know 2?” James grinned at her.   
“Oh my precious girl you get more precious every moment” he kissed her head. “You never noticed it before?”  
“No I just guessed obvious deduction is if you have five fingers then it would be greater odds of you holding up four fingers then half of that. It’s only logic that most people would pick two fingers and four fingers. Science my love we call it science. Why could I read your thoughts earlier and just now?”  
“Because I’m a Time Lord. We’re telepaths and when I was kissing you my mind was focusing on what was going on not keeping my shields up. You got into my head, literally.”  
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to oh dear God you got into mine too.”  
“Yeah”  
“I apologize for anything you might have misconstrued. I have the stupidest stray thoughts. Can you do it all the time?”  
“Yeah but only with permission. I didn’t mean to violate you tonight Liliana.”  
“You didn’t violate me Jamie.”  
“Where I come from we have to ask before we do anything like that. I didn’t get to ask you.”  
“You didn’t know we’d end up doing that it’s ok, I forgive you.”  
“You have no idea how nice it felt to have someone else in my head and be in someone else’s head. I haven’t had it for so long I …”  
“Hey can we do it again? I’ll do anything for you love.” He smiled at her.  
“I’m going to have to work with you on it. Now that I know I’ll have to teach you how to put shields up and control your thoughts. I’m surprised I haven’t noticed it before.”  
“Well it’s not hard a lot of times I can’t think when I’m around you.” She blushed “so it’s not like I’m thinking about solving the cure for cancer or anything. You might not want to know what I’m thinking about” she laughed. “Tell me about them”  
“About who”  
“Your people the Time Lords. What were they like? Does the dress really look like Gallifrey?”  
“Yeah it does. Gallifrey had two suns and when it set it looked like the leaves and grass was on fire. It had snow capped mountains and it was beautiful.”  
“Jamie if asking me to marry you was a spur of the moment decision I understand. I won’t hold you to it if you don’t want to.”  
“Liliana now that I know you’re a telepath I want it more than anything in the world. It means you can be my bond mate if you want.” He actually was a little nervous mentioning that to her. “I didn’t think it would be possible with Gallifrey gone but my Raindrop you never disappoint me.” He smiled at her and put his hand on her cheek in a loving manner.  
“What’s that?”  
“Something deeper than marriage. Where I come from we’d literally be one soul. I could feel you and you could feel me. You’d be able to read my thoughts and know if I was ok and when I wasn’t.”  
“Have you ever bonded with anyone before?”  
“No by the time I came along bondages were outlawed. Love was deemed archaic.’  
“Then how come you love me?”  
“Because you’re special Lils”  
“Oh I am so not” she blushed and got shy on him. He put his hand on her cheek. His thumb brushing the apple of her cheek.  
“Liliana you’re the most special woman in all of creation”  
“Did Jack teach you about pick up lines”  
“I’m serious” she smiled at him and wrapped her arm in his. “I … I … I love you because you love me.” Now he was getting shy. “You had no idea anything about me other than what we told you. You don’t love me because of the Tardis or because I’m different you love me in spite of that and that’s how I’m able to love you. How I’ve always been able to love you even when I was in my last body.”  
“You loved me then?”  
“Yes but differently. I wouldn’t allow myself to fall in love with you because I knew somewhere down the line we’d meet up again and I didn’t want to deal with all of that pain if it never happened. Just imagine Liliana if you hadn’t started working at the school. I never would have met you again. I’d still be…I’d probably be miserable with Renee or someone else instead of happy with you. You see you made me laugh when I needed it the most. When I first met you I didn’t even know what I looked like. I had just regenerated and the Tardis landed in Los Angeles. My goal was to run through my remaining regenerations so I wouldn’t be alone but then there you were this 19 year old girl in a dive bar reading astrophysics. You looked how I felt and then you made me laugh. For the first time in 10 years I laughed. I realized it was ok to live again. Slowly but surely I let the pain of the war, of what I did ease up. This blue eyed girl with blue hair and a smile that makes the stars jealous made me happy the Tardis landed. Then I went to your graduations.”  
“You were at my graduation?” she asked shocked.  
“Both of them. I was so proud of you standing up there giving the commencement speech. You were so beautiful. Then the Tardis took me to London 2005. That’s where I met Rose. You two may or may not like each other but you’re just alike. Except I think if I would have asked you to come with me you would have been on the Tardis before I finished the sentence.”  
“Absolutely!”   
“I asked her and she hesitated. I left her for about 5 years and I couldn’t get her out of my head. I went back to the bar you were at.”  
“No you didn’t tell me you didn’t!”  
“Why?”  
“Because I went back there looking for you” she started laughing.   
“I absolutely did. I was going to see if you were there. You weren’t but the Tardis took me to your graduation from Harvard University and all I kept seeing were rose petals. I had a dream about you saying it’s not time and you actually kissed me in the dream. You told me to go get Rose and give her a second chance. Someday I’d thank you. So reluctantly I went back and got Rose and she agreed to go with me this time.”  
“So was this 2010?”  
“No sweetheart it’s a time machine it was only 30 seconds for her. So Rose and I go off and have our adventures.”  
“What happened to my leather angel?” Lilly smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his arm. “Time Lords have this little trick. If we’re dying we can regenerate to save our selves.” She had a blank look on her face. He sighed and took a deep breath. Might as well get this over with now. “We were in the year 200100 and I was facing the Dalek emperor. I had sent Rose home.”  
“So what happened?”  
“What would happen if I sent you home?”  
“Good luck getting me home Sparky”  
“Exactly” he chuckled. “She opened the heart of the Tardis and became what we call Bad Wolf. She came back and annihilated the Daleks but it was killing her. By then I was in love with her and I kissed her as an excuse to take away the Bad Wolf entity. No one is supposed to have that kind of power. If a Time Lord had it they’d be a vengeful god. I took it away from her but that caused me to regenerate. She liked Jack and had a thing for pretty boys so much to my ninth self’s chagrin I chose this face because I didn’t want Rose to be disappointed and leave.”  
“So there’s no way to see my leather angel anymore?”  
“No sweetheart there’s not but that doesn’t matter because I’m right here.”  
“Yeah I know in my heart and in my head but its just all these years he was my Schmitty and I feel like I didn’t get to say goodbye.”  
‘There’s no need to say goodbye Lils I’m right here.”  
“Yeah I know and I’m glad. Is there a way we could go back to that night? There’s some things I would like to say.”  
“Like what?”  
“Not to you to him.”  
“Lilly”  
“I know but it’s personal and just something I’d like to say just to him. You’ll remember it soon enough or figure it out or whatever soon enough.”  
“I can’t cross my own timeline sweetheart, not even for you.”  
“That’s fine” she sighed and looked away. “I’m sorry I understand you’re still the same but maybe this will help. It’s like if you have a picture of someone when they’re say 19 years old. That’s all you know them as and even though common sense and time tells you they’re not 19 anymore when you see them again you still miss that 19 year old. Never mind that didn’t make sense. It was better in my head.”  
“I know sweetheart.”  
“I feel like he’s dead now even though I know he’s not and he’s you I feel like I didn’t get to say goodbye. And believe me when you regenerate we’ll have this conversation again only it won’t be as easy because I’ll really be mourning this you.” She smiled at him. He blushed and kissed her head. “Lils I only have one heart. I won’t be able to regenerate. If something happens to me that’s it.”  
“Wait…so you only have one life…”  
“Yes”  
“Why?”  
“Because I’m part human.”  
“So you’re going to look like this forever?” he saw the glint in her eye.  
“Well I don’t know I might shave my head or something for a change.” She playfully slapped his arm. “I’ll grow old the same time as you love.”  
“So I can definitely keep you then?” she smiled big time  
“Absolutely” he laughed with her. 

It had been a few days since that conversation. Lilly had acted like she always did towards James but there was something different, something missing. She looked at him and had the saddest look in her eyes like she was mourning something. James wrestled with himself because he knew what it was that was bothering her. Same thing that bothered Rose for a while too. She missed “him.” James knew crossing his own timeline was dangerous but he was willing to risk it for Liliana. Now here he is in the Tardis pulling the lever down hoping his surprise for his girl worked. It would be the first real trip she’s let him take. He looked at the monitor and almost squealed with excitement himself. She actually let him. “Ok so what do we have to do for Jack now?”  
“I don’t know yet” he sighed trying to act nonchalantly. Since this didn’t happen originally he was going to have to stay back. He wanted to give Lilly pointers but didn’t want to ruin the surprise. “Oh my god. This isn’t the hub! Jamie” her eyes were big as baseballs.   
“What is it?” he feigned innocence.   
“Look! It’s look!” she couldn’t even speak. She looked at him with big tears in her eyes. He just winked at her. “But I thought…you said…”  
“I know what I said but as long as you are careful things will be fine.”  
“Careful? A part of me wants to run in there like an idiot and the other is actually oh my God I’m scared to go in there” she laughed.   
“Lilly it’s just me” he put his hand on her cheek.  
“I know but it’s different. I mean imagine if you met me before tonight this version of you ya know I mean I don’t know how to explain it. I can’t do this.”  
“You don’t have to do anything Lils but we can’t come back here again. Three versions of us would cause some nasty anomalies.”   
“Do you remember this happening?”  
“No because this didn’t happen the first time.”  
“What if something changes? What if I don’t know you don’t give me your coat or…or…or I don’t know I don’t order a banana milkshake.”  
“Lilly you will always order that banana milkshake. I’ll always give you my coat and we’ll be fine.”  
“What if something I do now changes our past and then you don’t meet me again or something?”  
“Lilly Love”  
“Yes”  
“Shut up! You’re over thinking it.”  
“Easy for you to say! You’ve done this thing thousands of times.”  
“We can leave”  
“Yeah we should leave…lets go I … I … I don’t want to risk anything I have now.” James walked over to the console. “Are you sure?”  
“Yeah it’s not worth it.”  
“Are you really sure?” he saw Lilly bite her lip.  
“Yyyyyeeaaaahhhhh no damn it I don’t know” she slumped down on the captain’s chair. She clung to her jacket and James could see the million of thoughts run through her head. “You know what. I’m hungry and those were some great banana nut muffins. I’m going to get some. Stay here if you want.” He walked out of the Tardis and stood by the door. 10…9…8…3…2…1   
“Jamie” he smiled to himself. He knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.   
“You ready now?”  
“Yeah I think so” he took her into the restaurant. They sat as far away from themselves as possible. Schmitty as they called his ninth self looked at James funny but went about his business. “I have never felt so weird in all of my life” Lilly laughed.   
“Here in a few minutes you go to the bathroom. You can sneak over there and say what’s so important that you won’t tell me.”  
“I’m actually getting shy now I cant believe this. All these years I wanted to do this and now that I can I don’t know hat to say.” James just laughed and shook his head. “Ya know I never would have thought of it then but you were kinda hot even then.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah in a non traditional kind of way I think.” Then Lilly started giggling. “That waitress probably thinks you’re my dad”  
“Oi! Oh here you go to the bathroom. Just don’t mention anything about me and don’t talk or touch yourself when you come back. You have about 5 minutes to say what you want to say.”   
Lilly spent about three minutes of that just getting up the nerve. Finally she sat down in front of someone she never thought she’d see again and eyes she hasn’t seen but then realized yes she has in about 25 years. “Hello Raindrop” he said smiling at her. Lilly breathed in heavy.  
“You know it’s me?”  
“I’ve known its you since you were outside. I know that’s a future version of me that you are with.”  
“How?” he pointed up to his head. “God there are so many things I wanted to say…”  
“That’s still me Angel.”  
“I know but it’s not the same. It’s hard to explain and I suck at it.”  
“So how long have you two been together?”  
“How? What?”  
“If he’s willing to cross his own timeline with you then you two are together. Our past selves don’t always get along.”  
“Why’s that?”  
“It’s a Time Lord thing.”  
“I don’t know how much time I have left before I come back from the bathroom but I just wanted to tell you thank you. Tonight meant the world to me you literally saved my life tonight. I know you’re going through some rough things with the Time War and everything but please Schmitty don’t give up. Somewhere out there is a girl that needs a big handsome hero to rescue her from herself. That girl in the bathroom is scared to death. She doesn’t know what she’s doing but you make her feel like she’s special and worth something. I know she knows something’s wrong with you just doesn’t know what it is and she just hopes that for however long you guys have tonight she makes a difference in your life. She’ll never forget you and she’ll spend the next two decades at least hoping and searching that someday she gets to see you again. Then one day when she least expects it but needs it the most there you’ll be maybe not as you are now but you’ll rock her world. And then she’ll be too big of a chicken shit to come in here and tell you that” they both started laughing.  
“You were scared to come see me?”  
“Yes! I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose what I have now because I tell you what Doctor I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything in this world. I’ll never forget you. For so many years you have been my best friend and therapist. I told you things I’d never tell anyone else and I just hope you realize what a great big difference you make in my life. Like I said I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you so mostly what I wanted to say was thank you. Thank you for rescuing this crazy 19 year old kid from herself and the demons that are around her and I hope to god I make you proud of me. Goodbye Schmitty my love” she kissed his cheek and went to walk away. He grabbed her hand and stopped her. He kissed her soundly then whispered “you are fantastic” in her ear. Her breath caught in her throat and the tears in her eyes. “Thank you for everything Raindrop. He’s…I’m glad my future is in good hands.” Lilly walked away as she saw a blue head come back towards the seat. When she sat down next to James he looked at her. “thank you Jamie” she said softly. “I can let him go now.” James smiled at her and took her hand and headed back to the Tardis.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Six

As soon as they stepped into the Tardis, James ‘remembered’ what Lilly told his ninth self. He had a furlough of new memories. They weren’t life changing or changing the outcome of what happened but what it did was give him the confidence he needed to keep going. Once again his Raindrop saved his life. Yes he still went back for Rose and she still had a huge influence on his life but she wasn’t the only blond this time to make a difference. When Lilly walked into the Tardis, she was different too. She looked like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He could see the look in her eye was different. Her mourning period for Schmitty was over with. She could see James as Schmitty and as himself. She had reached the point in the arc where she accepted James (not that she never did) and was able to say goodbye to her friend. There was a look in her eye a look of relief and confidence James hadn’t seen before. She walked (sauntered? Did she really saunter over to him?) put her hand on his cheek and looked deep into his eyes. “I know how much you love me. Thank you for that” she kissed his cheek.  
“Lilly … what you said to him in there. You have no idea how much of a difference that made in my life. How much courage and confidence you gave me. After he leaves his Raindrop he takes up the mantle of saving the human race multiple times because he’s scared the one time he doesn’t is the one time you’ll be hurt. You gave him something … you gave me something to believe in and to hope for. I love you Lilly and I’m so grateful every day that I get to wake up and be with you.” He leaned down and kissed her softly. “There’s one more place I’d like to go if you don’t mind.”  
“Name it precious girl and it’s yours.”  
“Can you take me back to Chicago. I … I … I think it’s time you see what I’ve been talking about. It’s time you find out exactly what all happened to me.”  
“Lilly” he looked at her softly.   
“If you want to read my journals…I’m going to get them for you. You don’t have to read them if you don’t want but … it’s easier for me to let you read them than to tell you what happened to me.”  
“Ok my love ok” he went to the controls and set the dial. He wasn’t sure if the Tardis would cooperate or not but once again she agreed. 

They walked into this tiny three bedroom apartment. It was an open concept with the couch over looking the giant picture window and the kitchen to the left. “Make yourself at home.” James looked around at the beige living room with deep blue curtains. There was a deck off the side of the kitchen with a little kitchen table sitting next to it. The deck overlooked the city. He walked in and saw the first bedroom. It was done in a light pink and had teddy bears from each Christmas adorning the walls. Lilly was in the closet there with boxes pulled out. “Need my help?”  
“You might want to land the Tardis in here because these are heavier than I realized. This is just the first year.” James took a box and took it back to the Tardis. Lilly knew he was a speed reader. He read the whole Bible in 30 seconds just to impress her once. Then to prove he read it she said what is Philippians 4.19. some random verse off the top of her head. He sprouted off the verse and the one before and after all smugly until he got a pillow thrown at his face. He took the box he was holding and sat in the captain’s chair and did the same thing. This time though out of respect for the love of his life he was going to really read and understand it; partially because he liked seeing what 19 year old Lilly was like compared to his grown up Lilly. He read the whole box thoroughly. She told about being out there hoping she’d run into him again talked about her day to day life. It wasn’t until notebook 4 that things got interesting. Her first memory is of Matthew coming into her bedroom and being inappropriate with her when she was two. When she’s writing this he’s still alive. Although one to never want to hurt anyone James desperately wanted to take a trip and put the fear of The Doctor into Mr. Matthew Patrick.

After he read the whole box James landed the Tardis in Lilly’s bedroom to help load up some more. She looked at him and he knew she knew he read them. “Please don’t think badly of me Jamie. I can take anything but you thinking it was my fault or thinking I’m bad.”  
“Liliana I could never think badly of you. You are my wife and I love you more than anything. What he did … he was a sick person and if I had my way I’d make him pay for everything he ever did to you.” Neither one noticed the term James used to describe Lilly.   
“No please don’t”  
“Why not?”  
“Because that would change us. I would have never met you and … I’d go through it all again just to be here with you.”  
“I just want to put the fear of The Doctor in him for even thinking about” James was shaking he was so mad. “No don’t, don’t do that. Don’t be that Doctor anymore. You wanted me to help you with dealing with the fire and the rage. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”  
“No it is. It’s exactly what I needed.” He was feeling vengeful and angry. Lilly could see the madness in his eyes.  
“James Ian” Lilly got the southern mother authoritarian tone in her voice. James looked at her and smiled. He actually started laughing. “Oh I can’t wait till we have kids and you pull that on them. It cracks me up.”  
“Well it got you to switch gears.”  
“Yes it did. I’m going to take you with me next time I deal with Dalek. You’ll get them to behave really easy’ he laughed. 

The more they loaded up the Tardis it seemed like the more they had to load up. “You figure I’ve been doing this since 1989. That’s a lot of notebooks.”  
“Lils can I ask?” he looked around the room adorned in baby pink.   
“I had a baby girl when I was 17. It … it … it was really Matthew’s but Lucas stepped up and claimed and told everyone it was his. She died before her second Christmas. That Santa bear” she pointed to the first one on the wall “that was her first Christmas present. Every year I make sure to get her a Santa bear so she knows I love her and I never forgot about her. Sarah Grace was her name. She uh she died of pediatric brain cancer at 6 months old.”  
“Liliana” James said as softly as he could and with as much tenderness as he could. He put his hand on her hand when she tried to move away to keep from crying. “It’s me I’m the last person you have to be strong for.” Lilly took a deep breath and slowly let it out. There was one pink notebook amongst the blues and blacks. “This is the one where I talk about Sarah.” She handed him the notebook. “This has everything about her in it.” James took it and held it close to his chest. “I’ll make sure to specifically read this one.”  
“If you have any questions you can always ask me” she was getting shy and nervous.   
“I will love.” After a couple more hours all of the notebooks were loaded up and Lilly took James around town and showed him all of her favorite places to eat visit and play around in. She took him to the hospital she used to work at “I can’t believe YOU don’t like hospitals.”  
“I can’t help it they give me the creeps.” That was Lilly’s laugh for the day. The Doctor didn’t like hospitals. Exhausted they went back to the Tardis and went back home to London.

James extracted himself from Lilly’s claws one night after she finally fell asleep. He was restless but mostly he was nosy. So he picked up the little pink notebook and started reading it.  
June 4, 2000  
Hey Schmitteroni, (he loved the stupid little things she’d say in her openings.) “Now I’m up to talking about why this notebook is pink. You see one of Matthew’s escapades into my room hurt me worse than any of the others. This time I wasn’t good enough for Mr. Hiku and I lost him a deal. I was 16. Even though I had been bread and done this all of my life, no 16 year old girl wants to have sex with a 60 year old man. I fought Mr. Hiku off so the deal was off. After Matthew beat me to within an inch of my life, I had a broken rib as proof, he threw me down on the bed and raped me. Like the other times he had before except this time in his anger something happened and I got pregnant. This wasn’t the first time I was pregnant but it was the first one that stuck. Usually when you’re thrown down a flight of stairs the baby doesn’t last however this time it did. He thought he could use it to his advantage. He knew Lucas was my bestest friend in the world and he stuck a gun to his head, quite literally, and told him to tell everyone he was the baby’s father. Lucas was 17. When Sarah Grace came along Lucas and I had to get married, it’s what good southern children do, and I had to move into a cottage on the estate so it would look real. That didn’t mean the prostitution or the molestation stopped but I had to do something to protect Sarah. Don’t blame Lucas for anything. He was my knight in shining armor when he could be. He took the brunt of the physical blows as well. If he got in the way of Matthew and one of his minions Lucas was there with the bones to break. We were never taken away from the house nor did we run away because we knew there would be no point. Matthew would find us and then that would be 10x worse. We learned that the hard way as well. So Sarah Grace Patrick Ashton what can I say about her. She was a beautiful baby. Smile like you wouldn’t believe. She was a happy baby and I loved her. She gave me something worth living for. She made my life feel like I wasn’t just a mistake, a wart on the stink of humanity. She loved her mom and boy did she love Lucas. Lucas loved her too. Many nights I’d see her curled up in his arms listening to a story he was telling her. A few times they both fell asleep watching cartoons on the couch. Do you have kids Schmitty? I’d like to again some day I think. Then one day I noticed she was spitting up blood. I raced her to the doctor and come to find out she had a brain tumor the size of a golf ball. The doctors said she was lucky to see her first birthday however she didn’t make it to Christmas. She died on June 22, 1988. That’s why June’s always the hardest months for me. I pray Schmitty if you are still around that if you have kids they are happy healthy and loved. No one should have to bury their child.   
Until next time   
Raindrop-  
He finished that notebook which was the only one that had pictures in it. He saw a picture of Sarah Grace. She looked just like Lilly and the sad look in Lilly’s eyes. It just made him love Lilly more to know what she went through. He leaned down and curled up next to her and cuddled her close to him. He needed Lilly’s strength and after going through what she’s gone through if anyone had strength it was his precious girl.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter thirty-seven

After their short little trips to the past and to Chicago it was time for Lilly to go on her little vacation with Jacob. “Are you sure you don’t want to go with me?” she’d ask James a million times a day. He was fine with her going, even fine with her going with Jacob after he read the notebooks and realized this was something, they do every year. Besides, they had spent so much time together they did, and both realized it needed some time apart. So, while Jacob was finishing his tour of Australia, James took Lilly in the Tardis to New York and met Jacob’s mother Elizabeth Glass. She was a sweet kind lady and James really liked her. She was disappointed that the look in Lilly’s eyes wasn’t because it was from her son but Elizabeth, like she did with Lucas and Jack, very quickly adopted James into her family.   
After a couple days James left and went back to London. Jacob met Lilly at his mom’s, and they headed out on their basketball tour. First stop Dayton, Ohio. Then they went onto Catlanta as it’s lovingly called but for Jacob it might as well had been Hotlanta. Jacob found him girlfriend after girlfriend each night (even though she was used to this) Lilly had to endure which meant that James had to endure as well. It became a joke to them.  
“God, I miss you” Lilly sighed into the phone.  
“Again?” James laughed back into the phone.  
“Yes again”  
“How many is it now?”  
“This is his third girlfriend this week…and we’ve only been here two days. Schmitty this is going to be a long three weeks.” James laughed. He kinda liked it when Lilly called him Schmitty. “Thanks for not being a jerk when I mentioned I was going, and Jacob was going with me. This is our thing and believe me if you want to come see me any time, I am more than oh my god shut up Jake!” she screamed into the room. James was cracking up. “Are you over your jealousy thinking something would happen between me and the blond one?”  
“I was never jealous over Jacob.”  
“Oh, you so were” Lilly laughed “The night of the gala I swear it was like the Daleks and the Cybermen fighting. The two of you were giving each other the stink eye like crazy.”  
“Time Lords don’t give the stink eye Lils”  
“Mine does” she laughed. Suddenly there was a warm feeling coming over her when she said mine does. “Yep mine most certainly does. It’s ok though I kinda like it.”  
“Oh, do you now?”  
“Oh yes” she said breathy like he does. He started laughing because he realized she picked up another one of his mannerisms. She did it on purpose to get him to laugh. “You know the Daleks and Cyberman actually did fight each other once. I recruited a Cyberman to help blow up the Daleks.”  
“How many times have you fought them?”  
“Cybermen I’d say 145 Daleks countless”  
“My hero always coming out on top” she smiled into the phone just as Jacob’s girlfriend well enjoyed the night. James started laughing hysterically at Lilly’s groans. “Bad choice of words there love” Lilly realized what she said and started laughing. “So Schmitty have you ever taken advantage of your good-looking self like Senor Glass does?”   
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean its perfectly ok either way, but have you ever been intimate with someone.” By now Lilly knew he was the king of dodging questions. “I’m 906 years old Lilly I think I’ve danced a couple times.”  
“Anyone I should be jealous of old man?” she started laughing.   
“A Time Lord doesn’t kiss and tell” he said smugly.  
“Mine does” she laughed. That warm fuzzy feeling still in the air when she says mine does.   
“Weeeellllllll”  
“So, I know you’re 906 but how old are you really like from the time you were my BFF in the jar till now?”  
“I think about 6?”  
“I’m such a cradle robber” she laughed at him. “Have you ever been with someone as Tenny.”  
“Tenny?”  
“Yeah if Schmitty was your 9th body then this one is your 10th right?”  
“Yeah”  
“So, you’re my Tenny or he is rather I guess what are you 11th?”  
“Ten Too I call myself”  
“I like that now that I think about it when you were a kid what did they call you on Gallifrey? I know you weren’t born The Doctor what did they call you?”  
“My nickname at the academy was Theta Sigma of the house of Lungbarrow.”  
“Theta Sigma like the Greek letters?”  
“Yes”  
“Oh, I like that my Theta oh I really like that one” James just laughed at her.   
“So, spill the guts why do Jake, Jack, and Lucas call you Princess Peach?”  
“Because when I was a kid Jacob thought I was a princess because Matthew was rich. He had a crush on me and was mean about it. His mom said I had peaches and cream skin and that was when Super Mario Bros was popular and so I became Princess Peach. So, how’s work been?”  
“Not the same without you coming over there every once in a while, and kissing me for no good reason”  
“When I get back, I’ll make it up to you” they both laughed. “I love you Theta with all of my heart.”  
“I love you too Raindrop.”  
“Goodnight my love”  
“Goodnight my princess” 

For the next three weeks that was how most of Lilly and James and Jacob’s night went. Even without being in physical contact with each other James and Lilly were growing closer and closer every day. James jealous streak ebbed and flowed and then hit a crescendo when pictures got in the tabloids about the ‘sexiest man alive’ is seen with a certain woman. Lilly laughed and told him that happens all the time. Jacob could be seen with a pizza delivery girl and the next thing he knows they are getting married. James felt like he should be there with her, but sports wasn’t his thing. She said her and Jacob do this every year. It’s their bonding time. Bonding was something James wanted to do with Lilly. They had spent a few nights practicing the shields and being in each others mind. It was the best time he had in a long time. One night though James couldn’t sleep and was bored. He found a streaming channel called The Film Noir Network. If there’s one thing Lilly and James agree on its their love of classic movies especially film noir. Lilly bought her own subscription and each night when they were trying to relax, they put on a different film noir. As usual Lilly would fall asleep before the end of the movie. James would sit on the phone and listen to her snore until the end of the movie. One night they both fell asleep during The Man Who Cheated Himself and watched it again. That was a little joke between them. they’d take the Tardis and make sure they could somehow get a cameo in each of their favorite movies. A Blueprint For Murder being one of Lilly’s favorites and The Postman Always Rings Twice for James. Old Hollywood glamour James couldn’t wait to see Lilly looking extra radiant in those films.   
It was late Saturday night when he got a text. Can I call you? Or is it too late? James smiled hugely.   
Precious girl you can call me anytime you like. A few seconds later there was a ring on his phone. “How’s my precious girl”  
“She’s doing better now” a man’s voice was on the line. “is this James?”  
“Yes, it is who is this?”  
“This is Jacob Glass.”  
“How’s Lilly where’s Lilly?” The Oncoming Storm was coming out.  
“She’s fine now but I wanted to call you and talk to you man to man.”  
“Fine now? What happened to her? What’s going on with Lilly. Let me talk to her.”  
“Cool your jets! She’s asleep. Listen what I wanted to tell you was she loves you. She made the mistake of going back to Kentucky. She had a major meltdown when she saw the old house. She’s been having nightmares for the past couple of nights now. She needs you. I’m trying to get her to calm down each night but its harder and harder each night. She knows you’re not a sports guy and she’d never ask you to do anything you don’t want to do but Monday night her favorite team is playing in the championship game. If you want to prove how much you love her show up and be her date Monday night. I’ll gladly give you my ticket if it means she can get a night of peace.”  
“Where do I have to be and when?”  
“New Orleans Louisiana, USA.”  
“I’ll be there”  
“Good. And James it goes without saying if you hurt Lilly, you must answer to me, and I don’t take lightly to my best friend getting hurt. Are we good?”  
“We’re good”

James went to the Tardis and looked up everything she had on basketball. He became a connoisseur of the game. If it meant that much to his girl he’d get as cheerleader mode as he needed. He called Lilly and they spoke for a long time. Hearing her voice confirmed he needed to see her. Even during their nightly movie watch she wasn’t falling asleep she was fighting it. He missed her like hell. When he got there, he got ahold of Jacob and they made plans.

Lilly was in her room. Jacob went in and saw that she was trying to get ahold of James. “He must be asleep or something he never not answers. Is he ok? Tell me Jake he’s ok.” like Jacob would know she just needed that reassurance. “What if he left or something?” now Lilly’s big blue eyes were getting scared.   
“Lilly he’s fine. He’s probably busy wrapped up in something and didn’t realize you called. Believe me he’s fine. You’ll see him soon and there’s nothing to worry about.” Lilly smiled big at her friend.   
‘Thanks J I needed to hear that.”  
It was Monday afternoon Jacob and Lilly were in Lilly’s room when a ring came through. “Oh, Lils can you get that? I ordered room service for us.”  
“Just tell them to leave it at the door. I’m not feeling well.” Lilly had the nervous look going around. “But Lils it’s your favorite.”  
“Thanks J but I’m just … you sure he’s ok? it’s not time for school to be in session and that’s the only time he’s late calling me back.”   
“He’s fine Lilly. When did you stop trusting me?”  
“I always trust you.”  
“Then trust me that he’s fine. Now being the best friend that I am and well I know you were feeling down I did manage to get something for you. I think you’ll love it. Stand right here don’t move.” Lilly did as she was told, and Jacob went to her door. He grabbed James by the hand and lead him in. “Lilly do you know this guy? He says he’s in love with you.” Lilly looked and her eyes were as big as basketballs themselves. There he was wearing jeans and a tee shirt with a wildcat on it. His brainy specs on and his hair tousled like it always is but there was her James. “JAMIE!” she squealed she ran over and leapt into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. “OH MY GOD YOU ARE HERE! YOU ARE HERE! YOU ARE HERE!” she was in tears sobbing with excitement. James just held on to her and giggled. It was worth it for this reaction. Finally, she let go and had to sit down from the excitement. “But…how…why…but…” Jacob leaned over and kissed her cheek, “Because he loves you Lils.” James sat down next to Lilly, “let’s just say I missed my girl.” Lilly was so over come with emotion she ran out of the room to get some air.  
“She going to be ok?” James asked.   
“Yeah she’s fine. She’s just a little worked up. She’s probably trying to talk herself out of throwing you on the bed and having her way with you if I know Lils” he laughed.  
“Lilly’s not like that.”  
“Oh, Lilly wants to act like she’s not like that, but I know my Princess Peach. She wants to so bad she’s just so overcome with fear to try to. She’s afraid she’s going to wind up being what Matthew always called her. Don’t let her fool you. Lilly has a libido she’s just terrified to use it. Maybe now she’ll swallow her fear. Just promise me you’ll be patient with her. I know it’s hard but something tells me Lilly is worth the wait. Look I know you two well lets just say Lilly and I talked a lot. You’re a good man James Noble for being patient and kind with her. A lot of her other boyfriends weren’t and that’s why they’re gone and you’re here. Other boyfriends? I haven’t gotten to that part yet. The thought of Lilly with someone else got hi jealous streak up. Jacob saw the change. “They also wouldn’t have allowed Lilly to come to do this with me nor would they have come running when she needed the help the most. You’re a good man James. I can tell. Not just any man would come all this way for her. I had my doubts about you, but you earned my seal of approval and believe me in Lilly’s eyes that goes a long way.” He shook his hand. “I’m glad to have gotten to meet you again. I know my sister is in good hands.”   
Lilly was in the bathroom shaking. She put her hands in her hair and pulled on it. She was shocked as all get out. Jacob knocked on the bathroom door. “Sis I’m leaving you two enjoy your night.”  
“J are you going with us to the game? You have to! You’re my good luck charm.!”  
“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world but I think your real good luck charm is here. I love you I’ll see you later.”  
“Love you too”  
Finally she pulled herself together and went outside. “I … I … I can’t believe you’re here.” James smiled at her big time. He also knew of another secret he wouldn’t tell. “It’s championship night where else would I be than with my girl?”   
‘Oh god Jamie” she grabbed him by the collar and kissed him soundly. She looked up at him and his brown eyes yearning for her. She put her hand on his cheek and kissed him softly. As much as she was trying to talk herself out of it she was talking herself into it. James knew this routine she’d get so far then panic. “Lilly” he aid softly. “Not now sweetheart. I want you to be able to enjoy the game.” She wrapped her arm around him tighter knowing good and well that if she panicked like she always does then she’d miss out on what she’s been waiting years for a championship win. “You’re right” she said softy “I just…I cant believe you’re here.”  
“There’s no place else I’d rather be.” She had her sweatshirt on with a giant wildcats fan till the day I die on it. Her blond hair was straightened for the night and she had her makeup done pristinely. She had a little mascot logo painted on her cheek. She looked every bit the 18 year old fan girl she was portraying herself than the 40something year old woman she was. James smiled at her childlike demeanor and squeezed her hand. James knew tonight was going to be a great night!  
James was impressed Lilly never asked him if he knew who won. Granted it didn’t take a Time Lord with a time machine to see who was going to win. Lilly and James sat in the center of the arena surrounded by blue. Lilly giggled like a little girl. “I feel like I’m at home!” she even started one of the cheers that got the 70k people started. Even a daft alien from Gallifrey got caught up in the excitement. It wasn’t hard to see why Jacob did this every year with Lilly. She was in her own little world now. By the time it read the final scour 67-59 Lilly had lost her voice, tears were down her face and James had been kissed at least 6 times. She jumped up and down and was cheering with the other fans. James has seen Lilly at her most vulnerable and her most at ease but this, this was the real Liliana. Hometown pride running through her veins. Reminded James of days on Gallifrey at the academy when they would play rakulos. It was a mixture of cricket and soccer and was the equivalent to the Super Bowl in America or the World Cup. He took pride in his precious little girl. 

After the net ceremony and the song “One Shining Moment’ was played (with many, many tears by a certain blond) Lilly took James hand and squeezed it. “The only thing greater than my boys winning is you being here with me” she said it tenderly and the look on her face made the ear ache from all the screaming worth it. “I love you Liliana. I’d do anything in the world for you.” He kissed her cheek. She laid her head on his shoulder. “You know it’s wild” Lilly said softly “I can feel my Uncle John here with me tonight it’s his fault you had to endure that. He was the only one that treated me with any kind of love and decency . I think he’s happy that you found me again.” She squeezed his hand. He smiled at her “come on lets go celebrate” he started to lead her to the pack of fans. “No, I want to celebrate with my hubs” she smiled. James laughed as he always did when she called him that. She took his hand and lead him back to their hotel. That night James slayed Lilly’s ultimate demon. Caught up in the pomp and circumstance the excitement and adrenaline Liliana Jacinda Heat Patrick finally understood what true love meant. It was beautiful and warm and passionate and kind. It was everything they could have imagined and more. As she laid there with his shirt on, the only thing she could even say was thank you. She laid her head against his single heart, the fact that he didn’t have two hearts anymore didn’t mean anything to her. She only needed the one and she stole it. She closed her eyes and basked in the glory of love ironically the big win was the furthest thing from her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts please


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is it! hope you enjoyed. please leave me a comment letting me know what you think.

Chapter Thirty - Eight 

After the celebration in Lexington, James and Lilly flew back to London. He did see where she grew up and could felt he evil presence in the house that was now owned by the butler. Chester Hill loved Lilly as a child like the rest of the servants so when Matthew died suddenly and Lilly inherited the house she let him keep it. Things were going back to the way they were, except if James stayed at Lilly’s house a little more than usual no one minded. 

As the time went on Lilly and James were inseparable. They even devised a scheme that when it was test time Lilly would bring over calming tea to his students and he’d return the favor. They became tag team teachers. If someone was lost in one class the other teacher was more than happy to help. The school was excited because both attendance and the grades were up. Bernard was really happy because he could see the magic between the two of them. 

As May rolled around and it was close to the end of the semester both were getting anxious. They had disagreements and argument like everyone else but they made up for it like everyone else does now too. James is wanting to travel but the Tardis is being feisty. She’s protecting them from something, Lilly’s words, no she’s being stubborn, James words. That night he had a dream about what it would be like to travel without Lilly. He somehow jumped ahead five years and couldn’t go back to her. He held on to her extremely tight that night after making love. That nightmare was worse than some of the night mares he’s had about the war. 

Lilly still writes in her journals but now its only when she’s upset and doesn’t want to talk about it. After all of this time James knew exactly what happened to his little girl. He vowed to never let her have that time again. He was going to help her tear down the walls, they had already started taking down some of the locks in the bathroom, and she would be healed. They met with “Tenny”, he loved the nickname, and Rose. Lilly and Rose became the best of friends and vowed to keep in contact with each other. James and John were closer now because of it too. Since Sweet Pea, Lilly’s nickname for the Tardis, wasn’t allowing them to fly, Tenny and Rose would come to earth once a week and take them on adventures. Sometimes lasting several weeks sometimes lasting a few days. The first trip was to Barcelona, the planet. Lilly and Rose laughed at the dogs with no noses and adopted a few to be their best friends, Starr and Luna were very well loved. The Doctor decided traveling with James wasn’t such a bad idea after all. He adored Lilly and if he laughed a little too hard at some of her jokes no one minded. One thing they all got was a family. James worked with Lilly on the bonding, Rose confided to Lilly that was the best thing she ever did.

But as much as things turned around for everyone, feeling the need to be alone The Doctor decided to take a trip by himself when everyone else was asleep. The Doctor loved this body. It was fun, energetic, and lets face it gorgeous. Even Time Lords have their vain moments, it was Rose’s favorite but he got a warning he didn’t want. His song was coming to an end. When he saw his three friends it scared him. How would Rose go on without him? There’s no turning back now. James is full on in love with Lilly. The Doctor’s main worry was for his Rose. He kept it to himself like he always did except James knew something was going on. Lilly took James to the side one night. “Ok spill it. I can feel your nervousness and fear.”  
“It’s ok love I’m fine.”  
“Don’t give me that bullshit James Ian. I can feel something’s wrong. I know something’s wrong with Tenny. Is something going to happen?” James smiled at her and kissed her forehead. “He’s afraid he’s going to die.”  
“What no?!” she gasped so loud it took the air out of the room. “I thought you guys could regenerate?”  
“If I’m killed mid regeneration then that’s it. Besides even regenerating feels like dying. Someone new comes sauntering in. He’s worried about Rose.”  
“Of course well we’ll take care of her of course.”  
“I know but he’s worried if he dies what’s going to happen to her? If he regenerates will she still love him.”  
“Of course she would!”  
“Would you love me?”  
“Of course I would! Would you still love me?”  
“Lilly I’ll love you even after my single heart stops beating.” 

After that discussion, Lilly went into mother hen mode. She looked after her boys and Rose. She’d smother them and make sure they were ok. While they appreciated the attention, after a while it got to be too much. The Doctor found her in her special spot on the Tardis. It was getting to be too much for Lilly as well. As she made the three point shot tears ran down her face. “Lils what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing” she quickly wiped her eyes. She stepped back and shot again. This time The Doctor got the basketball and dribbled a few steps. “I know what you’re doing.”  
“What? I’m not doing anything.”  
“You’re mother Henning everyone.”  
“Sorry I just…”  
“I know you know what’s going to happen.”  
“I just ..”  
“You can’t stop it Lils”  
“Yeah well I can damn well sure try” she took the ball and bounced it hard on the floor.   
“Lilly”  
“Look I know you don’t need me and everything but you’ve become a brother to me and I don’t want to lose my brother. I don’t want James to lose his brother. So I’m sorry if I over react or get hysterical but it’s because I never had a family and now that I do I’m terrified absolutely terrified that I’ve done something in my past that was so horrible that just this little bit of happiness that you and Rose and Jamie give me will be taken away from me. I don’t want to lose my friend again and I don’t want James to lose his brother.” She fought the tears off as long as she could then these big skinny arms came around her. “You’ll always be my Raindrop Lils. Regardless of what happens but sometimes a Time Lord lives too long.”  
“No they don’t! They don’t live long enough! Especially not you and I’ll do everything in my power too make sure even if I have to tie knots in your Chuck Taylors so you don’t trip over them and get hurt that you live. I love this you” the look on his face. “you know what I mean. So I don’t care pretty boy what Ood Sigma said or whoever said it you fight it you hear. You fight it as long as you possibly can because the world needs you. Rose needs you Jamie needs you I need you. Don’t you dare let them take you out.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. She was getting her feisty streak back. He smiled at her and then lifted his foot and put it on her thigh. She looked at him and he nodded to his shoes. She started laughing but did tie his shoes in knots so bad he had to use the sonic screwdriver to get them undone. Then he hugged her tightly and told her how amazing she was. He promised he’d fight dying if no one else than just for her. Then he picked her up and took her over to let her slam dunk the ball “must be nice not being short” she laughed. He smiled at her and then they played a game of one on one, The Doctor cheating and still losing. 

After a short while The Doctor dropped off James and Lilly back at home. It had been six months but in reality it was only a couple days. They had to prepare for finals then could travel or do anything they wanted together. That summer they did a tour of all the museums, big and small, in the US. There was a show they watched called Mysteries at the Museum and that was a tour they went on to see those artifacts. 

Summer turned into fall and that meant that another October 21 came around. This one was going to be special though. This was their 25th anniversary. James had special plans for this October. He took Lilly out by the Tardis and sat down with her. She sat in his lap and they stargazed. He had their tea and some special banana nut muffins made just for the occasion. “You know what today is?”  
“Yes I do. 25 years ago you saved my life. I love you James.”  
“I love you too Liliana.” He kissed her sweetly then reached around and grabbed her hand. “Raindrop I knew that day you were going to be special in my life. I just had no idea how special you were. Now that I know I just have one thing to ask you.”  
“What?” she looked at him and smiled.  
“Will you marry me?” he pulled out a platinum ring with a diamond on each side of a huge sapphire in the middle. Lilly cried and kissed him. “On one condition”  
“What’s that?”  
“You’ll be my bond mate” James smile couldn’t get bigger. He kissed her soundly and below the pears on the pear tree he slipped on the ring to Lilly’s left hand. 

July was going to be their wedding date. “My two favorite days. July 4th and then July 5th being your birthday. The most important day in creation.” Lilly smiled however Lilly kept feeling nauseous and sweating. James knew immediately what was wrong. He smiled at Lilly with tears in his eyes. It wouldn’t be the first time for either of them but this time it would be special. As Lilly sat on the bed waiting she was terrified. Could she do this? Would she be able to carry it? At her age would she be able to handle it? Would it have the same cancer Sarah Grace had? She was terrified. James put his hands on her head and made her close her eyes. He sent a wave of love and comfort to Lilly. She immediately relaxed and found out that the night of their anniversary would be special in more ways than just that for the rest of their lives. Under the Tardis moon they made love and with it a daughter, Aurora Susan due July 3rd. “I’m … I’m … I’m going to be a mom” Lilly looked at James. His brown eyes lit up like Christmas trees. “I’m … I’m … I’m going to have a family Jamie. I … I … I really am going to have someone love me unconditionally.”  
“Oi! I love you unconditionally!”  
“Yeah I know I mean I … we’re going to have a baby. Jamie oh my god we’re going to have a baby!” she leapt in his arms and held on tight. He laughed in her ear. “You’re going to be Daddy Theta” she laughed and held on tight. “oh Jamie I love you”  
‘I love you too” he kissed her soundly. 

Lilly wanted to be married before the baby came. She also wanted to be married before she told anyone, it’s a southern, Christian thing she told James. So instead of getting married in July when the baby was going to be due, they settled for Christmas the anniversary of their not quite first date but first admittance of love. “I don't know who I want to give me away” she laughed. “I have Tenny, Lucas, Jacob, Jack all potential options.”  
“Well The Doctor will stand up for me. Jack told me he wants to perform the ceremony so why don’t you have both of your boys give you away.”  
“You know who my dream person would be?”  
“Lilly you know”  
“I know but if there was a way but it might change things and I’d rather not take that chance.”

Christmas evening just when it began to snow Lilly walked down the aisle with Jacob on one arm and Lucas on the other. Jack squealed like a little girl when he saw her in her long white Cinderella gown. James breath got caught in his throat and couldn’t wait to take her hand as soon as Lucas let go of it. There was a traditional Earth ceremony and then a hand fasting ceremony Lilly insisted on having a part of Gallifrey with her. Standing by their pear tree James whispered something that only Rose and The Doctor know. He whispered his name. Tears were in her eyes as she whispered I love you and his name perfectly back to him in Gallifreyan. Before it got too cold and wet they went to the reception hall and if anyone noticed Lilly wasn’t drinking champagne no one said anything. 

July is Lilly’s favorite month. July 4th is her favorite holiday. July 5th is James’ birthday and now July 3rd is her daughter’s birthday. Aurora Susan was born July 3rd 2013 happy healthy and most importantly loved. Her Aunt Rose, Uncles Jack, Jake, Lucas and Tenny loved her to the moon and back and she’s been to the moon and back a couple times. As Christmas rolled around Lilly held her breath as she bought two Santa Bears. As it turns out per four doctors Aurora Susan is just fine. No sign of cancer and she’s growing like a healthy baby albeit part alien baby. 

Lilly and James were going along swimmingly. They were happy and excited that Aurora’s first Christmas was coming up. Their anniversary was coming up and they were taking a break from school for a few months. They were going to show Aurora her American side. Then one night James screams himself awake as well as Lilly. She’s laying there with his red teeshirt on and he’s dripping the sweat. He knew that kind of pain. He knew what happened. He was no longer a twin. Tenny as Lilly had taken to calling him had regenerated. He was quiet for a while wondering if the camaraderie that him and his twin had finally developed would still be there. He wondered what he looked like now wondered if he was even a he. He’d dodged the bullet many times but there comes a time in a Time Lord’s life when they can switch genders. Most of all wondered if he was ginger. “He regenerated Liliana. He’s no longer my twin” now James understood what it felt like for his companions to lose their friend. He was actually mourning the loss of his twin even though he was still around. “He didn’t die! Just be grateful for that love’  
‘Oh I am. I’m so grateful” he kissed her head and then her lips and needed her in the worse way. For the next few days James was quiet as he dealt with the loss of his brother. 

A few weeks after the regeneration James and Lilly met up with the new Doctor and Rose. He’s traveling with a tall red head named Amelia, Amy, Pond. Rose while she still loves The Doctor is still in the mourning process from her old Doctor. This one was more childlike. He wore a tweed coat and bow tie with a pension for saying bow ties are cool. He had floppy hair and green eyes. He looked absolutely nothing like The Doctor Lilly knew and teased. She remembered the first time she called him Tenny. He laughed at her and that was their joke from then on out. ”I’m still calling you Tenny. Eleveny doesn’t work and eleven sounds like your age” she laughed as they drank tea. “He acts like he’s eleven at times” Rose smiled. Lilly also noticed the difference between eleven and Rose. He wasn’t as gaga over her as Tenny was. Maybe it was the passage of time maybe it was the regeneration all of a sudden Lilly got a little scared. As ‘Tenny’ hugged Lilly goodbye he whispered in her ear, “he’ll always love you” Lilly looked at him and smiled. The Doctor just winked at her and went about his business.

Time has passed for everyone but every now and then Lilly still writes in her journals.  
May 15, 2020  
Dear Schmitty,  
Its been a long time since I’ve done this. I’ve had no reason to now. You know all of my demons. You’ve helped me work through all of my demons. A lot has happened in the time we’ve spent together and a lot more adventures are to come. Aurora is growing like a weed. Orion looks more and more like his daddy every day. if you would have told me when we met all those years ago that I’d someday be married to the greatest man that ever lived and have 2.5 kids I’d laughed at you. Yes that’s right. Seems like our little trip to Barcelona we did more than rescue puppies. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s a boy or a girl or as you are fond of joking twins. It’s a part of us and that’s what matters. Being married to you these last 8 years have been the greatest eight years of my life. I know times change and things happen and everything happens for a reason but I am so glad that I have you in my life. I know you went through a lot to get to where you’re at. You went through a hell of a lot of pain but I hope come December when you hold our new baby and see our other two babies that it will still have all been worth it. Every day I get to spend with you is worth all of the trouble I went through as a kid. The rapes, the suicide attempts, the molestation, starvation, forced prostitution it all lead me up to that one moment in that bar where I met who would become my saving grace. I’ll always believe that. While we always joke the tardis never takes us where we want to go, somehow I think she always takes us where we need to go. I needed you back in that diner. You needed me as well. She wouldn’t let you leave here until we met and how many times have we tried to go to places only to wind up somewhere else. She’s lived up to her end of the deal. I begged her to make sure to always keep you safe. As I sit here now you’re in the console room teaching Orion how to pilot Auntie Sweet Pea. Aurora wants to be like her dad so much she’s trying to help. It’s precious because even though I know he’s part Time Lord you guys he’s only 2. While we may not have the five kids we’ve joked about all of these years, I cant help but smile and be proud of the 2 that we have. You just looked up at me and smiled that smile I love so much. The genuine this is my family smile. Even after all of these years winking at me still gets my heart flipping. I love you James Ian Noble with all of my single heart even though the sideburns are gone and there's a little more grey in the hedgehog hair you’ll always be my astro boy and I’ll always be your basket girl. I hope when you read this you’re just as excited about number three as I am. I know no matter what happens we’ll always be together. You’re my soul mate and I am yours. Is it wrong for me to want to kiss the leader of the Sycorax for chopping off Uncle Tenny’s hand? Or is it wrong for me to want to kiss that Dalek for zapping him? I’ve often wondered because I know you went through it but if you didn’t you wouldn’t be here spraying me with silly string.

Now that the kids are in bed and you’re reading their nighttime stories I can finish this up. I don’t know what I was going to say but know this i'm so proud of the man you have become. I’m so happy that you no longer close your eyes and see fire and war and devastation. The nightmares we had have been replaced with love. I remember when I felt safe enough to let you in the bathroom with me and we slowly started taking the locks off my doors. That was a big step for me and you were there with me very way. Just like you’ve always been there for me. You are my knight in shining armor my true hero. When she’s older, much, much, much older I hope Aurora Susan finds a man like her daddy. One that is patient and kind and gentle and loving yet when it comes to his family will defend them to no end. Out of everything that’s happened to us I’m the most proud of the father you have become especially to your little girl. She worships the ground you walk on (ps she gets that from her mother thank you) and I know you feel the same. I wish somehow Donna could see her. See her niece and nephew. I know you said it would hurt her, but even after all of these years? At least they have Wilf and Sylvia. Aw Wilf I know now what it’s like to have a grandpa and Sylvia well she’s not the mother I’d want but she’s been a big help with the kids. Jack’s been a great help too. He seems kinda like he’s making up for not being there with his daughter and since she wont let him see his grandson he’ll always be Uncle Jack. Our kids have the four greatest uncles, Jack, Jake, Lucas and Tenny (even though I know The Doctor isn’t the same one you were and has gone through a couple regenerations since we’ve met she’ll always be Uncle Tenny to us.) well I can hear the story time is almost over so now its mommy time. I love you Jamie with everything I have and I hope as you laid your head on my lap and laugh as I put the notebook on your face to write, you know just how much you mean to me. My soulmate my heart   
Love you always  
Raindrop


End file.
